still working with small fiber neuropathy

Thanks, David. God is speaking through you today! I don't fear death itself. Like you I really believe that I will go to a wondrous place. I have two big worries: taking care of myself while I'm here and not being around to see my sweet grandbabies grow up. You are right about all of it, and I will try to follow your advice. May I ask how long you have had your diagnosis?

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Hi @swartzki, I gave up work because of SFPN, my feet were so painful that it made simple walking a chore. I did work from home for over a year, that was much better. Luckily I was able to file for disability. I soon found that I filled my days with new activities, like studying the Bible. Grandchildren were and still are an important part of my life. I was fatigued, so I took naps. It took some time to even partially accept my SFPN condition and even today I still think there will be a turnaround someday. Its not unusual to feel abandoned by God.
In fact ,its probably normal. Your faith will wax and wane over time.Let the thoughts come and then let them go. Look for God working in your life despite how you feel. Hold on to your love of your grandchildren. You will know when its time to cut back at work and know that you might go kicking and screaming. We never know when our last day might be so give thanks for today. Your job is just to show up each day, for worrying never solved one thing. Wigs are in, so what color do you want to be today? Letting go of pride is so difficult, it still is for me. Ask yourself, what is the worst that might happen ? might our life expectancy be shortened or lengthened? will we all just be going home, back to God, "Return to Love" as Marianne Williamson has so wonderfully been quoted.
Keep the faith,lose the pride,stay the course and Pray for guidance and know that you are loved. David

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Hi,Rachel. Yes, I did biotin and a host of other hair supplements. It just keeps falling. The hair loss alone makes me think about suicide, but then I realize that it is just hair, and I'm a coward I guess. I don't want to leave that way. The extreme exhaustion and pain makes me think about suicide, but then I think of my two grandchildren, and I want more time. I don't know how I can keep working,but right now I have no choice. I'm waiting for results of skin biopsy. I too have migraines. I was going to try Botox, but my insurance was going to have me pay 500 for the medicine, so that was out. Nobody has said how SFN affects life expectancy. I trust in God, but I have felt abandoned. I know He did not do this to me, but I feel lost. Hey Jim, if you're out there, you've mentioned your depression a lot. Let me know how you are feeling.

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Hi,Rachel. Yes, I did biotin and a host of other hair supplements. It just keeps falling. The hair loss alone makes me think about suicide, but then I realize that it is just hair, and I'm a coward I guess. I don't want to leave that way. The extreme exhaustion and pain makes me think about suicide, but then I think of my two grandchildren, and I want more time. I don't know how I can keep working,but right now I have no choice. I'm waiting for results of skin biopsy. I too have migraines. I was going to try Botox, but my insurance was going to have me pay 500 for the medicine, so that was out. Nobody has said how SFN affects life expectancy. I trust in God, but I have felt abandoned. I know He did not do this to me, but I feel lost. Hey Jim, if you're out there, you've mentioned your depression a lot. Let me know how you are feeling.

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@swartzki

Hi, David. I'm still here. Depression is managed by a few medications right now. I'm between therapists and would probably benefit from finding one. The last one I had was on a very different plane than I, so I stopped seeing her several months ago. This week my PCP told me that she was gone and there is a new one. Maybe one of these days I'll get an appointment to meet with him or her.

I'm feeling like my meds are keeping serious depression at bay, but it feels artificial. Maybe that's not the best word. Depression is at the surface of my consciousness, with thoughts of death not far behind. Of course it's not a straight line. Up one day and down the next. The psychiatrist called it depressive bipolar. As a rule, Sundays are good, going to church. I wish it wasn't a 30 minute drive because it's a lot of driving there and back for morning service and the same for the evening. The road has places that never thaw when it's cold as it is now, and the drive home is really hard because of oncoming headlights. Driving in general is becoming problematic because of my double vision. I have to keep extra focused. I have an appointment with the ophthalmologist in February and I hope he'll help me with it. If I look at a sign, I see the sign itself and a second one, less focused slightly above and to the left of it.

Diplopia is just one more sign of autonomic neuropathy. I don't know if there's any treatment for it. Special glasses work for some people.

Hope all is well with you.

Jim

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@swartzki

Hi, David. I'm still here. Depression is managed by a few medications right now. I'm between therapists and would probably benefit from finding one. The last one I had was on a very different plane than I, so I stopped seeing her several months ago. This week my PCP told me that she was gone and there is a new one. Maybe one of these days I'll get an appointment to meet with him or her.

I'm feeling like my meds are keeping serious depression at bay, but it feels artificial. Maybe that's not the best word. Depression is at the surface of my consciousness, with thoughts of death not far behind. Of course it's not a straight line. Up one day and down the next. The psychiatrist called it depressive bipolar. As a rule, Sundays are good, going to church. I wish it wasn't a 30 minute drive because it's a lot of driving there and back for morning service and the same for the evening. The road has places that never thaw when it's cold as it is now, and the drive home is really hard because of oncoming headlights. Driving in general is becoming problematic because of my double vision. I have to keep extra focused. I have an appointment with the ophthalmologist in February and I hope he'll help me with it. If I look at a sign, I see the sign itself and a second one, less focused slightly above and to the left of it.

Diplopia is just one more sign of autonomic neuropathy. I don't know if there's any treatment for it. Special glasses work for some people.

Hope all is well with you.

Jim

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Good morning Jim. In response to your double vision....have you already had cataract surgery? A couple of years after my cataract surgeries, I developed double vision and it was "secondary cataracts". I had a very quick, simple laser procedure call YAG. Just a thought but I bet February can't come soon enough for you. No fun!

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@jimhd, Jim. I hear your troubles . Thank You for sharing about your challenges. Perhaps its time to stop driving on Sunday evening to avoid driving in the dark or ask someone to take you to church or perhaps an extra daytime service might be substituted. This week your goal is to seek out a new counselor. Having someone to help you along the path is just what you need. Start by asking your spiritual leader at church. Let me know your progress. David

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@swartzki

Thanks David. On Sunday evenings our church does small home groups, and one meets in the fellowship hall, with mostly seniors, and I play the piano and lead the worship time. Once in a while I do stay home if I don't feel well or roads are bad. I grew up in New York, so driving on snowy roads doesn't bother me. What bothers me is the other traffic often seems either to go too fast or too slow. If I feel the need to, I drive my F250, diesel 4x4. As far as carpooling, I think we're the only ones who commute from our town.

Any time I tell my wife that I don't feel like going to the evening service, she reminds me how much the music means to everyone.

Jim

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