Mom with end-stage lung cancer: How do I prepare for the unknown?

Posted by clynnford @clynnford, Dec 8, 2023

My 87 year old mother has stage 4 lung cancer and breast cancer, she was diagnosed in May. We were told she has 2 to 3 months. ...Does anybody have any experience going through this with a loved one? Mom lives with me and I don't know what to expect. She has bloody plural infusion being drained twice a week. She is on oxygen, is very weak but it's still able to get up and use the restroom with my assistance.
It's been very overwhelming for my husband and I as she is becoming so dependent on us. She is in a lot of pain and so we try to keep her comfortable with the morphine but then that makes her so unstable on her feet. I wonder if she will soon become bedridden and if so is the beginning of the end?
We do have hospice however the nurse only visits 3 times a week for a short time in order to drain her fluid, she is getting bathed also twice a week. For me it's a lot about the unknown as what to expect.
I also have breast cancer. My surgery is next week, I have already gone through chemo, radiation is next.
Life is hard right now but I know that the Lord is with us! For that I am grateful!

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Lung Cancer Support Group.

Merry, Alumni Mentor | @merpreb | Dec 8, 2023

@clynnford- You certainly were hit with a double whammy! I was a caretaker with my mom, and it was so tough! Being a caretaker is a very taxing but loving job. You won't look back on this and think you didn't do your best.

But now it's your time. Is it possible that you can place your mom in a hospice center where she will have round-the-clock care? No one can answer your questions about what to expect. Things can change from day to day, and you have to roll with the punches. Make a list of all your questions and ask your hospice nurses.

Usually, when a person becomes bedridden with two cancers, as your mom has, she probably won't be up and about again. She will become weaker and weaker. Your hospice nurse can answer other questions as to what she'll need then.

If your mom is in pain then she needs her pain medications. You should be giving them to her as the nurses have indicated. She shouldn't be up and about if she's not stable. There are sides that you can put on her bed to keep her from getting up. Please talk to your nurses for help about this. I assume that she has diapers on; if not, then she will need them. Ask the nurse for other suggestions.

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I'm truly sorry that you are going through this. A hospice center or something like this is your best bet. You will need your rest and care after your own operation. Perhaps another family member?

When your mom dies it most likely will not be a sudden thing. Dying is a process. You can google this and find out more if you need to.

Try and keep your spirits up. Rest when your mom does.

Best of luck to you with your operation.

clynnford | @clynnford | Dec 8, 2023

Thank you for your reply and kindness.

Lisa, Volunteer Mentor | @lls8000 | Dec 9, 2023

@clynnford, The emotional toll of both your mom and your own health has to be overwhelming at times.
You are going to need help after your own surgery. You’ll need time to focus on getting yourself better. So how can you help your mother too?, by lining up the care that she’ll need while you are working on regaining your strength. As Merry noted, are there others in the family that can help with your mom for awhile? If not, are there options for additional in home care during this most difficult period?