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Son estranged due to controlling spouse
My son & I were always very close. I have two children, he’s the older one. The one that made me a mother & opened up my world to loving unconditionally and so deeply that at times I was completely awe struck. We remained close until he met a particular woman, married her & became completely enmeshed with her family. I’m leaving a lot out here but bottom line, he’s completely controlled by her and her mother. He lives with her parents, it’s very dysfunctional. If you told me this is the person he’d choose, I would have said you’re crazy, it would never happen. It did happen & now they have a daughter, she’s 3.
I am not allowed over their house, my son has cut me out of his life and he’s also estranged from his sister. His life is his wife’s family & he’s turned into a person that gaslight’s, blames my daughter & I for everything under the sun and plays the victim all while jumping through hoops of fire for his wife and her family. I’ve tried ever which way to approach this. I sought therapy for healthy guidance and nothing changes. I miss the person I used to know as my son. Does anyone have any experience/thoughts about how to remain in a healthy frame of mind as I navigate through life without my son or granddaughter (and they just live 10 minutes down the road from me)
Thank you 🙏
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Would love to discuss with you. I’m in the same boat and it’s horrifying.
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1 ReactionI don’t understand how kids can abandon their parents. It seems to be a rash of that around our area. I know so many people that don’t have contact with at least one of their children.
I’m sure all of us had times when we didn’t agree with our parents, but we kept her mouth shut and went on. We didn’t keep grandkids away from them.
It makes me wonder if the Bible is correct, that when this happens, the end is near.
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5 ReactionsCount me in. In my case it is my younger son. They would not let me attend my granddaughter's wedding. Told me I was not welcome. Later I was told I would not be welcome in their home any more. To say that this broke our relationship completely is an understatement. I was told that my daughter-in-law didn't like it that I referred to her as that woman. I do not have any recollection of saying this, but now I have changed it to that bitch. Sorry for the language. I also got together with my lawyer and changed my trust so that he and his family receive nothing.
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5 ReactionsHi Marilyn,
I'm so sorry that you have this situation with your family! That's terrible! Not being allowed in their home or to go to your granddaughter's wedding is cruel. I agree with calling her the "B" word. It sounds like she is! Good for you for taking them out of the trust! They don't deserve anything.
I have a similar situation with my son. I haven't seen him in 20 years. He stated he wanted no contact. I don't know why. He knows better than this. He's 50! I read his comments on Twitter which is the only way I know that he's still alive. The world is crazy these days. It states in the Bible that children will turn against parents and I guess that's happening.
I hope things get better for you with your son. I'll say a prayer for you both.
PML
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3 ReactionsThank you for your helpful reply. Please know that we are not the only ones. My cousin has three sons, all married. The middle son and his wife (of course) turned against her. No contact. I did try. Sent a long email in which I accepted blame for anything that I might have done and was not aware of. I acknowledged that this might have happened and apologized. Nothing. That is when I changed my trust. This son was the trustee who would have closed out and distributed after my death. No longer. I did my research and found a fiduciary trustee. We had a meeting and I liked her. When I worked I worked for a probate and trust attorney for 23 years before I retired. Of course she is my attorney now. She is very family oriented and was sad to see what I was doing but I explained the situation and she agreed to do the necessary paperwork. While I am not thrilled with this situation with my son, I feel better that I have done what makes me easier in my mind. My sons are older than your son and I am older than dirt. I turned 90 last month. I am in fairly good health and am independent. I have no dementia and can make my own decisions, which I am doing and have done. I have accepted the fact that it is quite likely that I will never see him or speak to him again. Not a good feeling but it is what it is. Fortunately for me I still have a good relationship with older son. In case you are wondering why he is not the trustee, it is because he lives in Asia, so it is not geographically possible. We have discussed this and he is fine with it. At my age you can go anytime. I make no plans, just live one day at a time.
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5 ReactionsDitto!! This is happening in real time for me at the moment! Heartbreaking is the word I would use, I have one child/son, just had my first grandson and have been pushed me out for what feels like a lifetime, I’m open to a chat with you guys. Either one to one or group x
You just need a good hug 🤗 wish I was closer to you, these men have sh1t for brains, they turn away from the woman who nurtured them, raised them and loved them unconditionally, treat us mamas like doormats, yet adore another family they’ve known for a few years. I’d choose my boy over anyone else!
I hope not I’m only 56 😂😂
A daughter is a daughter all of her life. A son is a son until he takes a wife! My Mother always said this.
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3 ReactionsThis is so true! I remember my mother saying this also and I'm 78. I think all anyone can do in these situations is pray and have faith.
PML