Someone to listen and empathize to help talk through a tragedy

@parkerbear, I am not a doctor, but I have been in your situation. I caught my wife cheating with a good friend. She tried to wave it off as if it was no big deal. I made the mistake of just letting it go. A while later we tried counseling. She could not bring herself to open up. WE talked a little and she said that she would do better. A couple of years later, she decided that she no longer desired to be married to me. We had two fairly young boys, so I tried to dissuade her. She was adamant. We ultimately divorced. I felt as if my world was coming to an end. The good news is that I met a wonderful woman three years later who loved me and my boys. We have been married for thirty-four years, enjoying a wonderful life together. I guess what I'm saying is that God always has a plan for your life. Sometimes you have to face the dark clouds to find the silver lining.

Stepping outside a committed relationship is often a sign that the "stepper" has a problem, not the "steppee."
The simple reason is an inescapable feeling of unfulfillment and dissatisfaction with life, usually unconsciously with oneself. Namely the Existential problem.
The more troubling reason may be a past trauma or traumas. This sometimes results in compulsive repetitive behaviors, like gambling, shopping,
or sex. The steppee brings the trouble to the outside relationship, as may his/her outside partner.
They may be in a state of excitation, but not in love or happy. There is guilt!
It's all devastating and destructive.
In short, even if this is your problem, it may not be your fault. Be strong. One day at a time. Do what is necessary and right.

First, we hear you. Hang in there, things will be Ok again and you will find a new normal, whatever that is.

You have been together a long long time and have six kids. I would say she is checking out the greener grass on the other side of the fence.

You need to stay stable, focus on you and the kids, PLEASE.

You two are very young, still, even at 36. Take a deep breath and treat this as a "speed bump" from hell. It will pass but it will take super strength on your part.

This is about HER, not you. YOU need to be then rock for these kids an focus on them and not your own pain and hurt. I know it is hard. Stay with us here, and keep us posted.

Do not despair, life will rebalance at some juncture. Hang on.

You and your kids are very fortunate. God bless the woman you married and I congratulate you on making lemonade out of lemons.

@parkerbear you are in a bad place now, but if you let go and let God take over, in time He will bring you to a better place in your life. You are very young and a have a lot of good to look forward to in the future. It is quite possible that you will meet another woman out there who will be the better person to spend the rest of your life with. In the meantime, concentrate on raising your children the best way you can - not easy, but hopefully you have some relatives who can help you out with childcare while you are at work?

Here’s something to think about … a quote I came across some time ago:

"If you spend too long holding on to the one who treats you like an option, you'll miss finding the one who treats you like a priority!" - Author Unknown

You make a good comment about not having to carry this weight alone. The situation sounds complicated and like everyone could use some support. Where do you usually look for and get support? Friends or family? A counselor might help a lot or a clergy person if you have one. Community health centers might provide counseling. What do you think might help?

correction the stepper*
brings the trouble to the outside relationship.

I can understand that I mean I do have a part I know I was the reason well I don't know but sometimes I feel like I was the reason for her to step out but to lie compolsivly even when caught red handed only tells me that she is incapable of being honest and vulnerable she'll never be in love with me it's like I keep banging my head against the wall knowing that she's always capable of holding it in and like a rule (denied denie denie) no matter what

Thank you so much for sharing your story I definitely appreciate it

Please know that we are here for you. This is a great place to come to with your issues, as we all seek to help each other with no judgment whatsoever. I haven’t been in your position, but I have had a difficult life, and talking it out DOES help you get through it. Just keep reaching out. We’ll be here for you.