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Jen, Volunteer Mentor
@sandytoes14

Posts: 433
Joined: Mar 22, 2016

Small victory or big struggle?

Posted by @sandytoes14, Aug 1, 2017

My quick back story–I’m a normally happy, outgoing, kind 50 something year old post-menopausal woman. Married to a great guy, two dogs and am Mom to three grown kids who are out on their own. I have fibromyalgia, arthritis, spinal stenosis, DDD of C4-C6 and crazy, miserable chronic pain. My pain management doctor prescribes me oxycodone/acetaminophen for pain, Cymbalta for fibro; I also take Trazadone and Silenor for sleep.
My day usually consists of walking my dogs, taking care of the house and volunteering on connect. I plan my visits to the doctor and running errands.
Late this morning I had the bright idea that I would make a quiche for dinner. I was missing one ingredient and I really wanted to get a new body wash that I forgot to pick up while grocery shopping this past weekend. I got dressed, which really means I got dressed appropriately for public. (I didn’t have on a big T Shirt and work out capris because they are stretchy and non-binding.) I know some of you know exactly what I’m saying. We have clothes you wear because you are home and no one is coming over and then the clothes for when you HAVE to go out.
I make the 3/4 mile trek to Target park in a handicap accessible space, and hobble inside to get a cart. In my mind I hear my husband say ‘if you are hurting that much use the motorized cart’ and I ignore the voice. Why? Because I refuse to give in to the gosh darn pain. Now everyone knows that a trip to Target is like going to Costco–you never get just one or two items. I do, however, get the two items that I came for. Victory!
One and one half hours later, I’m dragging myself in my front door. My sweet husband was home early because I forgot he had a doctor’s appointment just after lunch time. He was so happy to see me coming in the door with my packages, oblivious of the tears welling up in my eyes. He went and locked the car so I put down my bags and wipe the tears from my eyes. The first words from his mouth when he returns were “honey, I’m so proud of you for going out and running errands” I feel like I am always crying about the nonstop pain, the muscle spasms, the fatigue. I looked at my husband and just said “Thank you.”

Yes, I know I am very lucky that I have a supportive spouse. But today after my excursion to Target I was worn out, in tears, and hurting. I took a nap while hubby walked the dogs. Together we made dinner, and then sat on the lanai watching the sun set over the water.
I’m not going anywhere tomorrow. I’ll be home in my big T Shirt and work out capris.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Jen

REPLY

Great vignette. FWIW: By God’s design, life is a struggle & every day north of the sod is a victory.

Jen, I’m proud of you. Life is not easy for most. Your endurance is remarkable. I’m happy you have a view to reflect your day. God is good and blessings are abundant@. You’re loving husband is one of many for you. I too have health issues and if it weren’t for the grace of God and my wonderful husband, I would not be alive today. Here’s a book I find helpful in my positive thinking.
Pam

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@catgic and @pamelaann1 Thank you! I could not get through my days without the grace of God. Humor helps too.

@catgic

Great vignette. FWIW: By God’s design, life is a struggle & every day north of the sod is a victory.

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Yes! 🙂

@sandytoes14

@catgic and @pamelaann1 Thank you! I could not get through my days without the grace of God. Humor helps too.

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I agree. Life without humor is dull.

@pamelaann1

Jen, I’m proud of you. Life is not easy for most. Your endurance is remarkable. I’m happy you have a view to reflect your day. God is good and blessings are abundant@. You’re loving husband is one of many for you. I too have health issues and if it weren’t for the grace of God and my wonderful husband, I would not be alive today. Here’s a book I find helpful in my positive thinking.
Pam

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@pamelaann1 Pam I have been searching for you since our last posts went back to August and Collen Young, moderator had to help me find you. If memory serves me right, you said you live in Napa, CA. All that devestation in the No. Cal fires: are you alriight? Suffer any loss. Pray God kept you protected. . Pls reply if you can. Thank you also for reply to Jen. I need a blessing right about now. Back pain, and we have to pack up and move. Cash out of our house. Is the book a devotional? Victorious69, Dori

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