My quick back story–I’m a normally happy, outgoing, kind 50 something year old post-menopausal woman. Married to a great guy, two dogs and am Mom to three grown kids who are out on their own. I have fibromyalgia, arthritis, spinal stenosis, DDD of C4-C6 and crazy, miserable chronic pain. My pain management doctor prescribes me oxycodone/acetaminophen for pain, Cymbalta for fibro; I also take Trazadone and Silenor for sleep.
My day usually consists of walking my dogs, taking care of the house and volunteering on connect. I plan my visits to the doctor and running errands.
Late this morning I had the bright idea that I would make a quiche for dinner. I was missing one ingredient and I really wanted to get a new body wash that I forgot to pick up while grocery shopping this past weekend. I got dressed, which really means I got dressed appropriately for public. (I didn’t have on a big T Shirt and work out capris because they are stretchy and non-binding.) I know some of you know exactly what I’m saying. We have clothes you wear because you are home and no one is coming over and then the clothes for when you HAVE to go out.
I make the 3/4 mile trek to Target park in a handicap accessible space, and hobble inside to get a cart. In my mind I hear my husband say ‘if you are hurting that much use the motorized cart’ and I ignore the voice. Why? Because I refuse to give in to the gosh darn pain. Now everyone knows that a trip to Target is like going to Costco–you never get just one or two items. I do, however, get the two items that I came for. Victory!
One and one half hours later, I’m dragging myself in my front door. My sweet husband was home early because I forgot he had a doctor’s appointment just after lunch time. He was so happy to see me coming in the door with my packages, oblivious of the tears welling up in my eyes. He went and locked the car so I put down my bags and wipe the tears from my eyes. The first words from his mouth when he returns were “honey, I’m so proud of you for going out and running errands” I feel like I am always crying about the nonstop pain, the muscle spasms, the fatigue. I looked at my husband and just said “Thank you.”
Yes, I know I am very lucky that I have a supportive spouse. But today after my excursion to Target I was worn out, in tears, and hurting. I took a nap while hubby walked the dogs. Together we made dinner, and then sat on the lanai watching the sun set over the water.
I’m not going anywhere tomorrow. I’ll be home in my big T Shirt and work out capris.
Thanks for letting me vent.