Self hatred , anxiety , confused , undiagnosed

Hey guys I’m new here and just needed people to talk to who don’t know me irl , I just had my first born 4 months ago and I have been struggling with so many emotions and internal struggles that I had previous to having my baby . I feel like all of the problems I had have magnified and I’m not in a good place , I noticed today I’m unintentionally pushing away the father of my child . I don’t know what to do or how to navigate this. I feel like I’m trying really hard but I keep ending up disappointing people , am I not doing enough and I just tell myself i am or am I doing enough and it’s going unseen ? I’m so confused and doubting myself as a mother even though I’d do anything for my son I feel like I will never be enough or do enough or be able to gain enough mental strength to teach him to love himself so he doesn’t end up like me and repeating the self hate he sees at home . I’m worried, sad, confused , frustrated and numb all at once. What do I do?