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Pregnant and healing from Death and Trauma
Maybe this blog will help with my emotions. Maybe, maybe not. It’s just nice to vent without judgement. About 9 months ago I lost my dad from alcoholism and it was traumatic for me to go through that. I didn’t have much family or support with any of it and I had to see his body, I just can’t stop thinking about it to this day. It haunts me and how he died. He left me a mess with owing a bunch of money to several places that caused him legal problems and I am stressed about his finances and if I handled them correctly. I still haven’t gone through all of his belongings because it’s mentally draining for me. Before this happened I didn’t have the best life myself I’ve struggled with drinking at a young age and trying to find myself. I’m 23 weeks pregnant now and I’m just having a hard time mentally.. I’m trying to stay positive and buying baby clothes for my healthy baby girl. I’m trying to be thankful. Any advice on positive thinking ? I’ve noticed walking and keeping myself busy helps but that’s about it
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@purple1201 First, welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect, and reaching out to us. That in itself is a positive step, don't forget that, okay?
We each have our own stories of where we are mentally/emotionally/physically, and how we got to this point. Many of us may have similar events, but we are each unique. May I say firstly, be gentle on yourself. You have shared some deeply life-changing things for you, and you're here to share them. Your dad's alcoholism is probably something you couldn't have changed, but it lets you see how you could suffer the same consequences. As for cleaning out his things, take your time. If there is a deadline you need to meet to clean things out, enlist a friend to help you. As you do this task, talk to your baby, recounting positive things your recall growing up, and positive things about your dad. Repeat as needed!
Talk to your prenatal provider and ask for help. Think about adding some counseling to your healthplan, to have the best birthing experience possible. There should be no shame in wanting the best. You mention having a drinking problem yourself. Are you sober now, and for how long? Can you turn to your sober community for insight? I know for me, events can be colored by our skewed up view of reality.
Have you thought about writing it out on paper/computer, what is going on in your mind? Most of my life I have been a journaler and found that helps. Some people do crafty/creative things to deal with trauma also, like painting or sewing, drawing or getting out and creating a garden of thoughts/flowers/memories. Here is a discussion on journaling we have here: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/journaling-the-write-stuff-for-you/ There are some related discussions that go towards art for healing. And like you have found, getting out for exercise can be so invaluable.
We cannot change our pasts, but we have the power to change our futures. What do you think about what I wrote here? Is anything standing out as something to try? I look forward to hearing more from you!
Ginger