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Peripheral Neuropathy & Conversation Fatigue?
Hello, all!
The other day, a friend accused me of talking too much about ‘medical stuff.’ (In my defense, I have not only peripheral neuropathy but also the residue of a bad sepsis infection.) My friend smiled as she ‘accused’ me, and I tried not to let what she said get to me. But it did. It bothered me the rest of that day and has trickled into my journal writing every day since.
I boast of not being one who goes on and on about his ‘medical stuff,’ even saying how much it wearies me when someone else goes on and on about their ‘medical stuff.’ (I say this, and yet I recognize––and have written so in my journal––that when people undergoing a common experience have a chance to talk, there is a measure of satisfaction in talking about that shared experience.) I don’t want to be someone who goes on and on (or shows impatience to others who do) because I don’t want to ‘bore’ my friends.
Some might say (and rightly so), ‘A true friend will never be bored!’ I agree.
But in my mind, there is a point where enough becomes enough.
Some months ago, I posted a piece I called ‘One-Trick Pony.’ I have never wanted to become a one-trick pony: a fellow who talks so much about what ails him that he BECOMES what ails him in the privacy of his friends’ minds.
I have peripheral neuropathy, yes––but I am NOT my peripheral neuropathy. I have a few leftover symptoms of a sepsis infection, yes––but I am NOT my leftover symptoms. I am a bundle of many things besides my diseases. (Oh please, I hope I am! :-))
Have others of you wrestled with this issue: Needing to find okay times to talk about what hurts you, but also never wanting to overdo it?
Ray (@ray666)
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Dear fala (@fala)
“Some new ideas or suggestions are needed for a decent response to ‘How are you?’”
I read your post a little earlier and was trying to think of an honest answer: How do I respond when a friend asks how I’m doing? I wasn’t coming up with much when my laptop went “Ping!”: a new poem from a friend; I’ll call her “Fran.” Fran, a published poet, is in her early 90s and still teaching English lit at a local community college. As Fran would tell it, there’s not much left to her body that’s still working right. When she tells a friend that, she’ll tell it with a smile, laughing, waving a hand as if to make the pain go away. Often, Fran will follow up by sending the friend one of what she calls her “hospital poems.” What I just received is obviously her latest “hospital poem” called “Cardiology Fandango.” Reading it, I laughed out loud. I wish I could share it with you. I realize that Fran’s way of answering the question, “How are you?” is not for everyone. It’s truly unique. Still, I thought it was worth telling you about. Fran’s one of a kind. I only wish I could be half as clever when I’m asked, “How are you?” 🙂
My very best to you, @fala!
Ray (@ray666)
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6 ReactionsI usually go with "Been better, been worse" when asked how I am, then leave it up to them to ask to hear more (or not.) When my husband occasionally reaches his limit with my medical talk, he just honestly says "I don't have the bandwidth right now, can we talk about this later?" I appreciate that. It's a good reminder that, while I might be laser-focused on research and trying to find answers for my health issues, there are other things in life to talk about. 🙂
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6 ReactionsDebbie - Well, the good days and bad days, same here as I'm sure many of us with PN experience the same. One neuro doc told me to pace myself. He said you start the day with so much energy, do a lot in the morning, by late afternoon, you'll feel tired. Then, the next day, I notice it is not such a good day which I explain as an off day. I'm learning to pace myself throughout the day and it seems to be helpful, less off days to follow. Dealing with PN is tiring and we need to conserve energy the best we can throughout the day. Ed
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12 ReactionsWell said! All of it true. For myself, routine is "de riguer". Having just come off the holidays, I'm still not FEELING great, but I can with sincerity say I'm DOING great, because with God's help through His Son I'm living independently and continuing to take good care of my home, do all the necessary tasks like finances and driving, enjoy the company of family and friends, both in person and on Mayo Connect, and gratefully receive lots of information here to help me live the best life I can in this - shall I say "mature"? - stage and age of life!
So, back to new ways to answer someone who asks, my answer is almost always "Great!" because of how I define that condition. I'm not denying pain, lack of mobility, or the limits that PN, etc. have imposed themselves upon me, but my freedoms far outweigh my problems.
Peace and all good wishes!!
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7 Reactionscurious if you suffer from lightheadedness?
you are an inspiration, thank you.
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2 ReactionsI wish I lived next door to you!
Great answer, I plan to use it.
Now I just need a clever follow up, so it doesn't hang in the air.
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1 ReactionMy usual is "And how are you?" Where they go next really tells you whether they're interested... or not... in hearing more about you. LoL.
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2 Reactions@fishnuts99 - Interesting you would bring that up. Over the spring and into the summer of 2024, I did notice it at times and mentioned it to my wife. She took my blood pressure it was slightly elevated. I cut back on caffeine and it seemed to calm it down. Have not felt it since reducing caffeine by about 50%, No other changes in meds so that's my best guess.
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5 ReactionsIt's definitely interesting. I also have "moments" of lightheadedness, which I usually attribute to standing too quickly. On the occasions when I've thought to do it, I've taken my BP while still lightheaded but have never had a reading either tellingly low or high. I try to remember: stand, remain standing, breathe, count to 15 or 20, think about where I'm going, pick a path to get me there, face in that direction, and only now: go. ––Ray
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4 Reactions