Overwhelmed and don't know where to start for help

HI Quintjl, my name is Dave and I just wanted to say how sorry that you are in this position. You definitely need help and somebody coming in every day to help with your husband would be awesome, in all honesty that might not happen but if you contact the hospital and your church maybe you could get somebody a day or two for an hour or so to help you. Start with baby steps Good luck I'm sure others have great suggestions you could try also Dave

Your situation sounds unsustainable as a nonmobile person cannot be left alone, but there are options. The key is getting advice from professionals so you can decide which route you want to take. You didn’t say how old you both are, but that can be a significant factor in your options. A good starting point is getting a legal consult with an attorney who is familiar with benefits for seniors, disabled, etc. There are legal ways to set up things to qualify your husband for assistance. Since time is scarce, you might find an attorney who will do virtual consultations or by phone. Best wishes with everything!

Hi Quintjll,
I'm sorry your husband is so ill and you have to handle everything. That's hard. My husband had lung cancer and needed a lot of help. I know what you are going through. It can be overwhelming. I think the suggestions on here to somehow get some help is important. Especially when you are working outside of the home. I wasn't working when I took care of my husband and it was still almost too much.

Contact the collection companies in writing and explain your situation and promise to pay what you can. Also include a check for whatever you can afford even if it's only $5.00. That will hold them off for a while and give you some time even if you just make small payments to them. Also contact the hospital and see if there is financial assistance available.

Tell your husband how much you love him. I'm sure he's feeling stressed out in this situation as much as you are because he doesn't feel good and can't help you. It's frightening to be so ill when you used to be just fine. Put on a smile even if you don't feel like it and tell him everything is fine and will be alright. He needs your support now more than ever. This is why you got married; to help and love each other no matter what the situation is.

Also give all of your problems up to God. My husband and I relied on God a lot and it helped immensely. Just talk to God like he's your best friend and he is! God is always there for us. We just have to ask. I'll say a prayer for both of you.
I wish you the best.
PML

@celia16 I am 43 and my husband is 46, so fairly young. Thank you for the advice, I will be looking into it.

@pml Thank you for your kindness and advice. I take it heart.

I realized today when I was going to sleep for the day (haha) that I just needed to have someone hug me and say, "it's going to be okay". You helped do that today, Thank you!

God is good!

Best,
JQ

@quintjl , yes, you both are young indeed. Has your husband applied for disability? Is he a veteran ? An attorney would be ideal to assist with disability, if that applies.

I’d also still consult with another attorney who can provide guidance on financial options. Much depends on income and assets. I’d explore Special Needs Trust and how your income could impact his qualification for certain benefits for your husband. To me, it’s rather complicated, because it involves state and federal laws, but a professional should be able to look at your particular facts and give guidance.

I’d also make sure you get your Durable and Healthcare powers of attorney properly executed for each of you. Best of luck with everything!

@quintjl I'm glad I could help a little! It's hard when our loved ones are ill. But you will get through it and everything will be fine with God's help. You are right. God is good!
I will continue to pray for both of you.
Hugs and God Bless You!
PML

Do you have any home health assistance? I don't know how this works if you're not on Medicare but in our situation this was somewhat helpful in connecting with assistance. The doctor would have to order it for your DH. In our case DH needed PT, OT and visiting nurse for a variety of reasons, mostly pressure wounds. The agency also had a social worker who helped us work through what our needs were and how to access the programs that could help. If he was hospitalized I took advantage of the hospitals social worker for help in finding services. You are in a good place to find answers here. This site got me through some of my darkest days. I'm sorry I didn't learn the importance of an attorney early on. Now that DH is gone, I realize that would have helped immensely.

Caring for yourself may include seeing your doctor and explaining the situation. Their priority is your well being. Your current pace is not sustainable. Please don't sacrifice yourself.

Blessings,
jehjeh

Oh, my dear woman. You are so young to be going through this. I am, too, but I am 82 and my husband is 79. The difference is that, thanks to long term care insurance and VA benefits, we have caregivers in the house much of the time. When I feel overwhelmed, as I often do, because caregivers can only do so much, I can go out for a bagel and a cup of coffee. The advice you have been given here is critical. I started this path with an attorney who has many older clients, but who is not exclusive to them. I learned that I had benefits I wasn’t even aware of. Because we don’t have children or, indeed, any other relatives within many hundreds of miles, resolving our situation was entirely on me. Many times I thought I would crumble. Sure, I prayed, but God helps those who help themselves. Area Agencies on Aging are often also places where people with disabled family members can turn, and I strongly recommend that you contact your local one for advice. People here are telling you that your lifestyle is not sustainable, and they are correct. I must often remind myself that 35% of caregivers predecease the person they are caring for—sometimes because they don’t make time to deal with their own health issues. I had two major surgeries this past year, one of which I kept ignoring due to my concern for my husband’s care if I had to be hospitalized. Well, I almost died. God did save me, and I realized that he still has work for me to do. Perhaps answering you is among those tasks. If this were in person, I would find ways to advise and help you. Since it is not, know that I am sending strong thoughts of kindness your way, and dearly hope you can feel my strong old arms around you. Bette

@bettes You are a gift to me this day. Thank you for your thoughtful and caring comment that touched my heart. Such good, kind advice for all of us caregivers...