Overwhelmed

I can see why you're feeling overwhelmed: you're in an overwhelming situation.

Perhaps as a first step, acknowledge that you're not Supergirl. Your motives are extremely noble, but you can't do everything.

Next, take a look at what resources are at your disposal: time, money, help, expertise, etc.

Then, prioritize what needs doing and what resources each requires.

You'll soon see that you can't make ends meet. (You already know that.)

Next, realize that nothing is your fault! What you are doing is exceptional and heroic.

There's an old military saying that "He who would defend everything defends nothing." It's a bitter reality, but you can't do everything yourself, and you can't be expected to.

I don’t get the guilt part, but I understand being overwhelmed. When people need nursing care and/or substantial hands on care, there are facilities that handle that. Full time care in the home is also an option, but it’s very expensive.

Based on what everyone I have spoken to within my family and friend circle, they all said, honey, you can’t do it any longer in the home. It’s too much much. If you are asking these questions, you likely know it’s not feasible. Best of luck getting things sorted.

Oh my GOSH! You have to be exhausted and running on fumes. I can’t even imagine, and my story is very similar to yours, but with one parent at a time. (I have had to do the IV antibiotics three times a day for my father, and found it nerve wracking and I know how that begins super early in the morning and ends late at night). At this point in my fathers care (five years now-cancer, heart issues, and much much much more, but this isn’t about me), I, too, feel overwhelmed and anxious and exhausted and am trying to figure out next steps (and yes, my house is messy except his room and bathroom, I have neglected my family relationships and all my friends have become once in a while voices on the phone, having moved on with there lives)—and I only have the one parent to care for now! You are human with superhuman goals and love. This is not sustainable and you really do need some help. For your parents’ sake as well as for yours. I would suggest you consider speaking to each parents PCP, for referrals for home health nursing support (it won’t be enough to alleviate all of your involvement, but may help with the running to doc appointments as frequently). If your parents can afford it, there are care management companies that can help you coordinate in home care, advise about caring for health conditions and the decisions that you are confronted with, and can help in selecting facilities if that is the way to go. I am calling one that we already have experience with, on Monday myself. Home helpers (except nurses arranged for by doc), can be really expensive. If your parents can’t do that, your PCP or area agency on aging will have resources to suggest. If one of them is a veteran there are also a world of help there as well….I pray for help, peace, wisdom and guidance to be poured out onto you. I am walking a similar path and understand….and I personally am beginning to recognize that there is no perfect solution in my case anyway!

I don’t know how old your parents are (my dad is 94), but in my situation the chronic conditions have multiplied and have become complicated (treating one urgent situation can cause another or aggravate another), the list of specialists two pages long, and and although he works valiantly for every shred of independence he can maintain—all bodily systems are weakening (eye sight, hearing even with hearing aids, taste, smell, mobility, etc)—so consider getting set up for the future and how hard things can get (I never imagined…..)

I echo suggestions from others above. PCP's, theirs, yours, whoever you can reach, may be most helpful here. My DH spent time in skilled nursing multiple times following hospitalizations. Once his care was manageable, I could bring him home with home health coming in twice a week if necessary. In the future, be aware that after hospital stays, Medicare pays for skilled nursing if there's no one at home to care for a patient. I'm not sure how it works after going home. Don't let guilt play a role, one person can only do so much. You have to remember you matter too. Sacrificing yourself helps no one. (Believe me, I know)

Praying you find help soon.

@jehjeh Yep. "You can't pour from an empty bucket," as the saying goes.