One Minute of Patience, Ten Years of Peace. Greek Proverb
I actually heard this Greek saying many many years ago when I was in college and spent a summer in Greece working on a farm as part of an international study program. The American Farm School in Thessaloniki. Those interested might want to check it out online, as it is still there. I was there for nearly four months and it was there that I discovered who I really was, and who I am still today. Selfless, humble, a humanitarian and as you know, my kindness knows no bounds.
However, I have always had a problem with "time" as I have the patience of an ant. Today I had my long awaited CT scan, and I kind of wish I had come out of the machine "glowing" but sadly, I did not. While I was in the machine, and after the contrast dye began working its way throughout my body, I kept saying over and over again: "God"has a plan for me. It is up to "God." A continual mantra that lasted 30 minutes. Oh, and "Smuckers" that pit bull I follow on Instagram was virtually beside me. LOL.
While I look as tired as I feel, I am unable to sit still, and am channeling Martha Stewart again, reorganizing one of my kitchen drawers. Earlier, I shared a text message with my "doctor" friend, who recently completed her review of my medical records and has come up with a tentative diagnosis: Scleroderma Limited. It makes sense, based upon my lab results, various physical complaints and things of that nature. She also commented on the fact that my doctors have continued to run the same tests over and over, always coming up with the same results. She was also astonished that none of my doctors have ever given me a physical exam, other than to check my breathing and heartbeat, She said this type of exam is fairly standard, but I guess with doctors, at least mine, they do not have the time to do this anymore. I am glad I had the scan and if it shows any swollen lymph nodes (that my doctor finally told me what he was looking for), then perhaps I will get some kind of "help." I do have a very swollen lymph node near my groin that I never mentioned because I thought it was as large as it was because of all the weight loss. We shall see.
I ended up telling my sister about the subject test, and she said it was about time they did "something" and she used a term I was relatively unfamiliar with, and that was: "well, they need to stop willy nillying around and get to the bottom of what is going on with you."
Surprisingly, I feel a bit numb as I type this, perhaps the fatigue, as for the past two weeks I have been staying up until 0330 working on art projects, listening to music and things of that nature. And, also taking care of my demented friend, who is currently on a deep dive downward. Things are heating up with the woman who I suspected was siphoning money from her. This in itself is a whole different story,
I want to thank everyone who has encouraged me, supported me and who perhaps has sent some positive energy my way. If not for the support that I find on this platform I would still be lost and searching for answers. Perhaps I never shared that in the past I was rather quiet and somewhat shy, usually an observer in the background. However, with the help from all of you I have become more of an advocate for myself and I voice my feelings, needs, opinions etc when appropriate. Perhaps the fact that I will be 62 in a few weeks has something to do with the "new" me. I don't know, but I sure am different now than I was before I signed up with MCC.
I have never been so exhausted in my life. Really. Soon I will sleep, and I will more than likely not set my alarm as I usually do every night because if I sleep too long, the implant in my back causes great pain. I sleep with an ice pack, which helps until it doesn't. In any event, only "time will tell" what the results of my scan reveal, and I await the results with as much patience as I can. Surprisingly, I have no fear, am not afraid because I know that whatever the results may be, I will continue to put one foot in front of the other, like I always do.
Thank you. That photo is from my succulent garden, which closely resembles a small nursery, presently. Next time I will post a picture of the mango tree I started from a mango pit, just to see if I could make it grow, and grow it has. I now call her Mahogany, and she will have to come inside along with the olive tree I planted after my dog died last year. Can you believe that every night before I go to bed I actually go outside and feel the leaves on the tree and say "good night, Ducky." Old habits die hard.