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karen00
@karen00

Posts: 64
Joined: Aug 13, 2018

No help from family

Posted by @karen00, Wed, Oct 17 6:45pm

Hi! I’m new and am thinking that you’ve probably talked about this, but here goes. I live with my brother, who acts like he knows about fibro- but thinks I am acting. He just stares at me with these vacant eyes when I try to talk about it (which isn’t often). There is so much excellent info from fellow bloggers but he won’t read it! How do I deal with living with someone who is supposed to care about me, yet cares nothing about what I am going through? I’m 61, but this “thing” has me in its grip? Stress has been unreal lately, yet I don’t know how to make it go away! ……..Karen

REPLY

Hello @karen00 Nice to e-meet you here and welcome to Connect! I am Scott and I am happy you found Connect! It is a great community and there are lots of folks here who are making their journeys in healthcare and are willing to share experiences, thoughts, hints, tips, and broad shoulders for listening! It is what brought me to Connect!

it is very hard when folks we know, and especially those we love, do not react how we wish they would. I have two sisters who, over the course of the 14 plus years of my wife's war with brain cancer never visited, called, or ask how she was or how I was doing. In my case it took me awhile, but I finally just took to saying 'it is what it is' as a way of accepting this was something totally out of my control and I shouldn't waste my emotional energy on them. Likewise, we had several friends of over 40 years who also never acknowledged my wife's condition to her or me. My amateur psychological thought is some folks seem to confuse showing empathy for someone who is ill with their own mortality and freak out to the point of not being able to do or say anything about it.

I wish I had a better explanation and hope others will chime in and add their thoughts on this!

I look forward to hearing from you again!

Strength, courage, and peace!.

@karen I will tell you how to get rid of this whole situation. I was living in an apartment but before that for about 6 months in my son's back yard in a cottage. I had a car when I arrived and had an accident and never replaced the car. = suggestion from my son It was horrible. He questioned everything and if I was taking a med that he did not like in the trash it went. Or in his desk…… He loves me, but is a control freak. Somehow my daughters heard about all this and they got involved. My daughter flew me up to Idaho to see my other daughter and we looked at Independent housing. They knew what I had gone through and were devestated by it all. I love my baby boy…I really really do, but I was dying there from be smothered. I am human again. There are other problems which I will not go into, regarding finances etc, but my advise get out of there For some reason, there is little belief regarding Rhematoid and fibermyalgia.

Hi @IndianaScott…….thank you so much for your reply! I liked it- “it is what it is”! It’s true! I can’t change him and I think I was trying to. You know it’s difficult living with someone in close quarters (dependent on him financially). I want to scream at him sometimes but he could just kick me out – he’s done it before. It’s a long story but I’m on disability mainly due to fibromyalgia and a surgery I never recovered from. So I’m beholden to him. I do pray a lot! Anyway, sometime I’ll tell you the “long” of it! Thanks, Scott!

@oregongirl

@karen I will tell you how to get rid of this whole situation. I was living in an apartment but before that for about 6 months in my son's back yard in a cottage. I had a car when I arrived and had an accident and never replaced the car. = suggestion from my son It was horrible. He questioned everything and if I was taking a med that he did not like in the trash it went. Or in his desk…… He loves me, but is a control freak. Somehow my daughters heard about all this and they got involved. My daughter flew me up to Idaho to see my other daughter and we looked at Independent housing. They knew what I had gone through and were devestated by it all. I love my baby boy…I really really do, but I was dying there from be smothered. I am human again. There are other problems which I will not go into, regarding finances etc, but my advise get out of there For some reason, there is little belief regarding Rhematoid and fibermyalgia.

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@oregongirl Hello Texas Freedom….. I’m sorry you had to go through what you did. I do appreciate you writing back! Unfortunately, I can’t move out for financial reasons. That’s what is so awful about this situation! I am on disability for fibromyalgia and surgery after effects. I couldn’t afford it on my own. I have no family, either. So, I’m stuck! It’s really getting me down, and I don’t want to end up in that depression spiral again. I have fought it for 25 years. So thanks for taking the time to write- I’ll do the best I can!

@karen00 This puts you in quite a quandary, doesn't it? Like Scott said, we cannot force people to acknowledge a condition, nor tell them how to respond. Do you live in an area where there is a support group of any kind? There may even be an online resource for you, with some good ideas. I have several chronic conditions, one being fibromyalgia. I do the best I can everyday. My husband doesn't always understand how it affects me, and it frustrates us both. Good luck, and I will be holding you in my thoughts,
Ginger

@gingerw Hello thanks for sharing. Sorry for your stress but you must take time for you! If at all possible. Find quiet place…do deep breathing…do something fun that you used to do. Good luck. God bless you.

@karen00 Hello thanks for sharing. Sorry for your stress but you must take time for you! If at all possible. Find quiet place…do deep breathing…do something fun that you used to do. Good luck. God bless you.

@gingerw

@karen00 This puts you in quite a quandary, doesn't it? Like Scott said, we cannot force people to acknowledge a condition, nor tell them how to respond. Do you live in an area where there is a support group of any kind? There may even be an online resource for you, with some good ideas. I have several chronic conditions, one being fibromyalgia. I do the best I can everyday. My husband doesn't always understand how it affects me, and it frustrates us both. Good luck, and I will be holding you in my thoughts,
Ginger

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@gingerw Hi Ginger, thanks for helping. I have fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, and heart failure. I was just diagnosed with heart failure on Monday. So everything seems to be unreal right now. I’m only 61. The fibro is acting up worse than it ever has. I haven’t cried or screamed- I think I’m in denial. My brother acts like nothing is wrong- oh I have mild diabetes. He goes to grocery store and comes home with a cake! Exactly what I don’t need! Oh well, all I can do is be good to me!

Liked by gingerw

@dianajane

@karen00 Hello thanks for sharing. Sorry for your stress but you must take time for you! If at all possible. Find quiet place…do deep breathing…do something fun that you used to do. Good luck. God bless you.

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Thanks so much for writing! I think I’ll take doubly good care of me and go shopping at Amazon!

Liked by dianajane

@dianajane

@gingerw Hello thanks for sharing. Sorry for your stress but you must take time for you! If at all possible. Find quiet place…do deep breathing…do something fun that you used to do. Good luck. God bless you.

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@dianajane Oh, I do take care of mself, and find the time and strength to do what fulfills me. Otherwise I would go crazy.
Ginger

Liked by dianajane

@karen00

@gingerw Hi Ginger, thanks for helping. I have fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, and heart failure. I was just diagnosed with heart failure on Monday. So everything seems to be unreal right now. I’m only 61. The fibro is acting up worse than it ever has. I haven’t cried or screamed- I think I’m in denial. My brother acts like nothing is wrong- oh I have mild diabetes. He goes to grocery store and comes home with a cake! Exactly what I don’t need! Oh well, all I can do is be good to me!

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@karen00 See if you can find some sort of a support group in your area. While it is good to be here on Mayo Connect, having a face-to-face group is oftentimes a very positive move. Keep in touch.
Ginger

Liked by dianajane

@gingerw Hi Ginger, is there some rule about putting the @ and the last numbers or initials? I’ve never understood it! I just do what I’ve seen others do.

@karen00 When you do this, and you have clicked on the "reply" box within a specific post, it notifies that person who created the post, that you have mentioned them in another post. Clicking on "reply" not associated with a specific post, you can still do that but there is no header created, or you can create a new post. Hope this helps,
Ginger

@gingerw

@dianajane Oh, I do take care of mself, and find the time and strength to do what fulfills me. Otherwise I would go crazy.
Ginger

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@gingerw Great. My depression really takes hold if I don't get out even just to run errands. Cant leave husb alone. Having aphasia non-stroke related its pretty quiet around here. And lonely. Trying to no avail to get in home help. We have a shortage of them. I only need a couple hrs at a time so that's also a hindrance.

Liked by gingerw

@gingerw

@karen00 When you do this, and you have clicked on the "reply" box within a specific post, it notifies that person who created the post, that you have mentioned them in another post. Clicking on "reply" not associated with a specific post, you can still do that but there is no header created, or you can create a new post. Hope this helps,
Ginger

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Thanks Ginger!

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