Newly diagnosed: being brave and fearful at the same time

I think of myself as a strong independent woman capable of solving most issues. When I look in the mirror I see someone who is 20 years younger than I actually am and I feel the same in my soul. The passed 2 years have challenged that view. I'm 2022 I suffered with a bowel obstruction that disabled me for 6 weeks. The doctors at the hospital i was admitted were not competent enough to know to diagnosed or treat my issue and miss managed my care at almost every point of contact. Eventually I had surgery and discovered I had been living with undiagnosed Crohn's disease. It didn't present in the normal way, until the bowel obstruction. I believe the experience traumatized me. It's taken 2 years to work through that and to be honest it still haunts me. I took that diagnosis seriously and I transformed my life to support my body to live in a way to create health. Then nearly 2 years later I'm diagnosed with a rare aggressive form of cancer that has a poor prognosis, Mixed clear cell and serous uterine cancer. That was 9 weeks ago. I'm a fighter, a warrior, a determined person. I find myself moving from we got this. I'm beating this disease to the next day feeling the gravity of my situation. I watch the people around me breakdown in fear and I feel its my job to lift them up. I don't speak openly to them about my own fear. Its to hard to watch them react to me. I do have a therapist who has agreed to be the person I can share my fears with. She said she was honored to be that person for me. I wish I was s tine traveler. I go back and do things differently. I blame myself for not being good to my body. I feel like I did something wrong to cause this all to be happening to me.
This is not who i see myself as being.