My plastic surgeon at my last visit

Said, “now you have the small breasts you always wanted.”

I have no idea where she ever got the idea I wanted small breasts.

I always wanted some vavoom on top and when I went through menopause and my breasts grew dramatically, and I finally got some real cleavage, I felt attractive for the first time in my life.

The work she did made it so my breasts are not quite as hideous as they would have been otherwise, but I see nothing to love when I look in the mirror.

I see small frankenboobs that look especially odd from the swelling and I don’t expect I will ever be able to look in the mirror without wincing. I don’t expect I will ever feel attractive again.

She acted like I was supposed to be happy with these breasts.

She did excellent work, but a loss is still a loss, and I mourn the bodacious chest I had before the surgery.

The important thing is, they got the cancer out, but this chest will never be anything I could ever feel happy about.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Breast Cancer Support Group.

So sorry you feel this way. It does take some time to get used to our new bodies but also for the scars to fully heal. What kind of surgery did you have?
I had a reduction done when I had my lumpectomy surgery. And like you my breasts did get bigger when I hit menopause. They were not huge but barely a C cup prior to diagnosis to a barely an A afterwards. And while I look at my breasts and think wow lots of scars I would never feel bad about them. Yes they are smaller but I have this one wrap dress that they look gorgeous in. Have you considered buying a super special new bra that you can wear that makes you feel gorgeous again? My surgery was in April and the scars are really improving, when was your surgery? I used silicone scar tape and Bio-oil and both have helped a lot!

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I'm so sorry. Frankly, given my experience with how rushed surgeons are these days, she may very well have gotten you confused w/ someone else. I've learned that the only time they really listen to the patient is when they meet you right before the surgery, which is frustrating because you also have 7 different people doing things to and around you in the pre-op room & aren't exactly in a position to ensure proper marking & understanding when you can't stand up naked to show them and there's no mirror in the room.

I've NEVER seen doctors as rushed and dismissive as recently. As long as this is still post-breast cancer surgery, any revisions you might want are probably covered--so let the swelling go down, and maybe you can exchange the implants for something larger later. Did you do pre-pec implants or post-pec? Did you go straight from mastectomy to implants or do tissue expanders? The latter is usually carefully tailored to the size you want, so i'm wondering if it was the former. If so, I'd check your chart notes--not just ones given you but the records (you can easily get them online now) to see if there was a mistake somewhere. Again, as long as this is still covered under insurance, you could give it a few months to see the final result & then decide--I assume you're getting new nipples tattooed also, so you're probably going to be visiting them for some follow-ups. Best of luck.

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First thing to say is, I don't have breast cancer (I have pancreatic), so I can't know how you're feeling. (I'm a woman, so I do know how central our breasts are to our self-image.)

I want to share, though, something that someone shared on the pancreatic-cancer board. She's had a fairly quick recurrence (this particular cancer is notorious for that, unfortunately), and her current chemo is hitting her v. hard. But she said that she views the chemo as the thing that cleans up the cancer so that she can have a future, and that helps her get through the bad weeks ( = every other week).

I beg you to never say "never" ("but this chest will never be anything I could ever feel happy about") bc I hope that in time you'll see your new chest as something that enabled you to live longer and accrue the various blessings that your years-to-come will bestow. (Please know that I'm not downplaying how traumatic it is to lose one's breasts and to deal with reconstruction.)

And, I urge you to think about the idea that our thoughts become our words become our deeds become our life. I *know* that it's not easy to adjust one's attitude during the trials of cancer treatment, and I think that we *shouldn't* adjust it when in fact at some points we need to grieve, be angry, etc. But overall I find that dictum useful (if perhaps a little simplistic).

I'm moved by your situation; I wish you well; and if I've erred by posting, I apologize.

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@frogjumper

So sorry you feel this way. It does take some time to get used to our new bodies but also for the scars to fully heal. What kind of surgery did you have?
I had a reduction done when I had my lumpectomy surgery. And like you my breasts did get bigger when I hit menopause. They were not huge but barely a C cup prior to diagnosis to a barely an A afterwards. And while I look at my breasts and think wow lots of scars I would never feel bad about them. Yes they are smaller but I have this one wrap dress that they look gorgeous in. Have you considered buying a super special new bra that you can wear that makes you feel gorgeous again? My surgery was in April and the scars are really improving, when was your surgery? I used silicone scar tape and Bio-oil and both have helped a lot!

Jump to this post

Thank you so much for your helpful and kind answer. ❤️

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@leculdesac

I'm so sorry. Frankly, given my experience with how rushed surgeons are these days, she may very well have gotten you confused w/ someone else. I've learned that the only time they really listen to the patient is when they meet you right before the surgery, which is frustrating because you also have 7 different people doing things to and around you in the pre-op room & aren't exactly in a position to ensure proper marking & understanding when you can't stand up naked to show them and there's no mirror in the room.

I've NEVER seen doctors as rushed and dismissive as recently. As long as this is still post-breast cancer surgery, any revisions you might want are probably covered--so let the swelling go down, and maybe you can exchange the implants for something larger later. Did you do pre-pec implants or post-pec? Did you go straight from mastectomy to implants or do tissue expanders? The latter is usually carefully tailored to the size you want, so i'm wondering if it was the former. If so, I'd check your chart notes--not just ones given you but the records (you can easily get them online now) to see if there was a mistake somewhere. Again, as long as this is still covered under insurance, you could give it a few months to see the final result & then decide--I assume you're getting new nipples tattooed also, so you're probably going to be visiting them for some follow-ups. Best of luck.

Jump to this post

Thank you so much for your kind and helpful reply. ❤️

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@jk77

First thing to say is, I don't have breast cancer (I have pancreatic), so I can't know how you're feeling. (I'm a woman, so I do know how central our breasts are to our self-image.)

I want to share, though, something that someone shared on the pancreatic-cancer board. She's had a fairly quick recurrence (this particular cancer is notorious for that, unfortunately), and her current chemo is hitting her v. hard. But she said that she views the chemo as the thing that cleans up the cancer so that she can have a future, and that helps her get through the bad weeks ( = every other week).

I beg you to never say "never" ("but this chest will never be anything I could ever feel happy about") bc I hope that in time you'll see your new chest as something that enabled you to live longer and accrue the various blessings that your years-to-come will bestow. (Please know that I'm not downplaying how traumatic it is to lose one's breasts and to deal with reconstruction.)

And, I urge you to think about the idea that our thoughts become our words become our deeds become our life. I *know* that it's not easy to adjust one's attitude during the trials of cancer treatment, and I think that we *shouldn't* adjust it when in fact at some points we need to grieve, be angry, etc. But overall I find that dictum useful (if perhaps a little simplistic).

I'm moved by your situation; I wish you well; and if I've erred by posting, I apologize.

Jump to this post

Thank you so much for your kind and helpful reply. ❤️❤️

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I think I will like these new breasts once they heal up. They are just looking rather gruesome still, and I can’t help but go through some mourning for my old breasts.

These new ones don’t feel like “me” yet. And the scars have a long ways to go to heal.

I was in a low mood when I wrote that post. I’m sure I will adjust and be happy with my new breasts.

It just struck me as the entirely wrong tone to take for someone who was operated on for cancer, as opposed to a patient coming in because she wishes to have a breast reduction for cosmetic reasons.

My surgery was a “have to” and not a “want to” and with the former, it’s not fair to expect me to be all happy about the surgery. I am grateful, but it never would have been a surgery I wanted to have.

They didn’t really offer me any options for this surgery, I was just told, we are going to take this out of each breast, move tissue around, lift things back up, etc.

So I don’t think an implant was actually an option, I’m guessing that is only an option for the full mastectomies rather than the partial mastectomies?

I’ll get used to these, and it’s a lot better than having full mastectomies at least.

I’m sure in time these new breasts will feel like “me” again.

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@msandbreastcancerwarrior

I think I will like these new breasts once they heal up. They are just looking rather gruesome still, and I can’t help but go through some mourning for my old breasts.

These new ones don’t feel like “me” yet. And the scars have a long ways to go to heal.

I was in a low mood when I wrote that post. I’m sure I will adjust and be happy with my new breasts.

It just struck me as the entirely wrong tone to take for someone who was operated on for cancer, as opposed to a patient coming in because she wishes to have a breast reduction for cosmetic reasons.

My surgery was a “have to” and not a “want to” and with the former, it’s not fair to expect me to be all happy about the surgery. I am grateful, but it never would have been a surgery I wanted to have.

They didn’t really offer me any options for this surgery, I was just told, we are going to take this out of each breast, move tissue around, lift things back up, etc.

So I don’t think an implant was actually an option, I’m guessing that is only an option for the full mastectomies rather than the partial mastectomies?

I’ll get used to these, and it’s a lot better than having full mastectomies at least.

I’m sure in time these new breasts will feel like “me” again.

Jump to this post

@msandbreastcancerwarrior I agree that doctors should ask you how you feel physically and emotionally not tell you how to feel or how they feel about it. I think you are correct that healing will improve the appearance and it make take some getting used to.

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@msandbreastcancerwarrior

I think I will like these new breasts once they heal up. They are just looking rather gruesome still, and I can’t help but go through some mourning for my old breasts.

These new ones don’t feel like “me” yet. And the scars have a long ways to go to heal.

I was in a low mood when I wrote that post. I’m sure I will adjust and be happy with my new breasts.

It just struck me as the entirely wrong tone to take for someone who was operated on for cancer, as opposed to a patient coming in because she wishes to have a breast reduction for cosmetic reasons.

My surgery was a “have to” and not a “want to” and with the former, it’s not fair to expect me to be all happy about the surgery. I am grateful, but it never would have been a surgery I wanted to have.

They didn’t really offer me any options for this surgery, I was just told, we are going to take this out of each breast, move tissue around, lift things back up, etc.

So I don’t think an implant was actually an option, I’m guessing that is only an option for the full mastectomies rather than the partial mastectomies?

I’ll get used to these, and it’s a lot better than having full mastectomies at least.

I’m sure in time these new breasts will feel like “me” again.

Jump to this post

Sounds like a reduction like mine. I have I think its called "anchor scars" a long line under the crease of my breast and then a line straight up to the nipple and a scar around the nipple. The nipple scar is almost invisible at 6 months the line from the nipple is still fairly visible and the crease ones are just about gone and also quite hidden. I keep my scar tape on 24/7 even in the shower now, and it's helping! With my small A's now I have to admit i rarely wear a bra anymore, that is kind of nice 🙂

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Hello from a fraken boob. I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I had a double mastectomy with a breast implant at the same time (suggested by Doctors). After radiation; implants were so bad. One moved to middle of the chest and second implant "flipped". Had them removed and had a "Diep Flap Surgery" with my own body tissue and nerves . I still have major scars and smaller breasts then I had but I feel like I'm safer with my own "fat" and am happier without the silicone implant feeling. I think it depends on your age too. I'm older (59) and happy to not be so worried but I still have a little bit of boob-haha. No nipples left but I like that when I'm cold it does not show. Best part of surgery! Wish you well!

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