Mistake to move near adult child?

Posted by plowey @plowey, Jan 7 8:39pm

I'm newly divorced, under one year. My adult child also divorced within a month from my divorce to her Dad. I recently decided to move to be near my child, as we have always had a strong bond. I was hoping my 82 yo mother would also come with me. However, my mom chose to stay with my brother, who literally takes advantage of her. He lives with her, and doesn't pay much towards rent. Bad situation. I thought I could help her get away from that. Anyways, I moved several states away. I've been her for 2 months, looking for a home. Finally, found one and I will be closing in a few weeks. Now my child tells me she wants to move somewhere warmer, or maybe out of the country. Besides, she says, I'm not going to find a husband here. Whoa. It took so much for me to make this move. Emotionally and financially. I have different emotions ranging from sadness, to anger, to plain disappointment. However, I new coming here that this could happen and we even talked about it. I told her I just want her to be happy. But to look for a husband?? What do you think?

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hicopd | @hicopd | Jan 17 1:15pm

We live where we've lived nearly all our lives (except when I went to other states for school for 6 years). Our kids live 3000 and 5000 miles away but the one who is 3000 miles away keeps up with her friends and is talking about MAYBE moving back here. We shall see. Our S (5000 miles away) still loves big cities and being near Europe and being able to fly about. We have no idea where he will settle as he lived in one big city for a decade and then he and his GF (now wife) moved to another big city and have now been there nearly three years. We are doing watchful waiting and at least are happy we live in a house where we can age in place and all my siblings and several nieces and nephews all live on our island.

kayraymat | @kayraymat | Jan 18 7:34am

I think it is great that she is considering a new spouse.
Life is meant to be shared.
Personally, I would not give up my life here as I have friends, book groups, church, clubs, etc.
Also I have always encouraged my children to have adventures & know they will sometimes
move. So with that in mind, I have never considered moving to be with them.
Be where you have friends or make friends where YOU WANT TO LIVE.
As Mary Englebreit says, " Bloom where you are planted." 🙂