Mini meltdown

Good morning, @anto1nette I hope your night went OK. I totally understand meltdowns. I had hundreds in my years caring for my wife. I finally came to understand them as a cleansing and ‘good’ thing. Caregivers are only human and remember Superheroes only exist in the funny papers! Caregiving is one of life’s most challenging roller coasters.

How are you doing today?

Strength, Courage, & Peace

I can relate to meltdown!
The other day I lost it when Will wanted a window closed. He is always cold and I am very warm. I like fresh air (although polluted) in the house coming in from open doors and windows. I am overloaded with all the responsibilities now being on me, his health issues (heart) and trying to find out where we should be and file for Medicaid.
After my meltdown, Will cried because I was so upset and I don’t want him to get upset and cry! It’s the last thing I want him to do! I don’t want to meltdown in front of him again, so venting here I believe would help. He told me that it was OK to leave the window open just a little instead of closed all the way. He can be sweet and considerate and he doesn’t want me to get upset either. I feel so bad because I made him cry!

Last night he decided to shave his head and beard instead of watching it fall out. Now he looks like Daddy Warbucks. We had a good laugh.
Today is another day.

Hello, @janet7 Your compassion and empathy are so heartwarming to read about!

In my experiences, I found meltdowns unavoidable and yet, I too, wanted desperately to hide them because I knew when I showed my caregiving stress, it made my wife feel bad, which made me spiral even worse.

While not for everyone, I took to keeping an old pillow on our sofa in the far room. When I was overwhelmed or needed a good cry, I used that pillow to muffle my crying and, at times, as a punching bag! That worked great until one night when I was really exhausted and on a last nerve, began to pummel my pillow, and it tore -- leaving me with a terrible mess of feathers all across the room --- which then added to my never-ending list of things to do! By the time I had the feathers almost all picked up I was laughing at myself! Every so often I still find a stray feather in that room!

Strength, Courage, & Peace

Good morning, @anto1nette I admire your husband's gumption! That must be quite the new look and I loved the Daddy Warbucks analogy! Not everyone today would get that one.

In times like yours, there are so few things we can control in life that I love that your husband took the control he could and said 'I'll do it my way!'

Strength, Courage, & Peace

@IndianaScott
Hello there,
After my oldest son punched a hole in the wall (just like his Dad), I suggested to him to use a punching bag. He will be 56 soon and always has a punching bag in his house. I like your idea about the pillow punching and crying into it when feeling
Frustrated. I can also see the funny side of the feathers flying all over the place. Maybe I should use a foam pillow? Thanks for your advice!!!

Ah, caregiver meltdown. I can relate. I have to keep reminding myself to breathe. What I find is that as my caregiver responsibilities increase: wife 10%:caregiver 90% today, I am less communicative with my partner. It takes so much effort to speak, verify that he heard me, confirm what he heard and then make sure he follows through. Frankly, the tipping point for me is closer than I realized and I am actively seeking a place for him to live separately from me. I am tired of being frustrated and angry. Keep breathing. Find peaceful moments for yourself every day.

I just logged in and appreciate all your stories especially the feathers still showing up! I too have meltdowns after less than a year of caregiving and find myself wondering how long this will go on. My spouse is in hospice care, but they won't give me the crystal ball I would like to see! Jenny's delirious periods seem to be increasing in frequency and intensity. Yesterday she got really upset when her daughter and I told her that she had NOT made cookie dough and I would not turn on the oven to bake it. Then last night she cried that nobody here knew her name, nobody gives a c*** and nobody even checks on me! She won't take ativan to calm down - maybe I should take it!
Thanks for listening.

@deek15redpeppers Can you contact her hospice team to check for possible assistance, how to live through these episodes? From my experience with hospice, it is also for the family, not just the patient.

Remember to take care of yourself, too.
Ginger

Good morning, @deek15redpeppers I got a nice chuckle out of your comment in your post about the crystal ball. Our daughter actually brought me an old Magic Eight Ball she found at a garage sale! I kept it out for years and it gave me the same quality of insight into our future as anything else in caregiving 🙂 It's still on my desk, too.

One of the biggest challenges for me was when I'd know the truth about something, but my wife would insist it was something different. More often than not I'd find myself just agreeing with her, telling her I'd take care of it, and find that she tended to forget about it. It was less distressing to her than when I'd disagree with her. Not a medical opinion, but I figured this was because she'd already had to give up so much of the controls in her life.

I can't count the number of times I got told I wasn't providing the care, concern, love, etc. she needed. At least this changed over time, but when it would happen it was really hard to keep telling myself "it's not her, it's the darn disease talking".

If I may ask, is your wife in hospice care at home or at a facility?

Strength, Courage, & Peace