Lymphoma no treatment

I wanted to ask if it was suggested that you have treatment. Did you put lymphoma in the search bar and see all the discussions that come up? I know someone will post here, but you may find more info searching for the time being.

Welcome @msmac1 The term Lymphoma covers a lot of territory. There are so many different types of lymphoma with varying treatment options. Many with very positive results which could lead give your mother-in-law a healthy, longer life ahead. Some lymphoma develop slowly, while others require prompt treatment. So this will depend on her diagnosis.

To not have treatment would most likely mean her disease would continue to progress with an unfortunate outcome.

Could you explain a little more about your mother-in-law’s diagnosis? What was suggested for her? Why is she opting not to be treated?

She's 82yrs old and they found a large lump they thought to be breast cancer then found out it was lymphoma. They offered a very aggressive chemo treatment she refused. She has refused any scans to see if the cancer has spread anywhere else in her body, so we haven't been told what kind of lymphoma or anything else. She has been sick with high calcium low sodium growing weaker stomach problems, no appetite gagging and nausea. She doesn't speak of the cancer she doesn't acknowledge any of her sickness is due to the lymphoma. Without knowing extent of the cancer we don't know know where she has it at this point and we don't know what to expect. The oncologist recommended us contacting hospice to let them start coming so she can get familiar with them. We are just dealing with whatever comes at this point we are aware things are goin to be bad very bad.

Sadly, it sounds as though your mother-in-law is determined to do this her way and go out on her terms. Not that there’s anything wrong with being in charge of one’s own health. But it’s surely difficult on the rest of the family if there are potential options for her going forward.

If she’s choosing not to have treatment and the oncologist recommended contacting hospice, then that’s a clear signal.
Hospice will be very helpful in making sure your MIL has everything to make her comfortable and also to help you, as her caregiver. Their aim is to manage the symptoms while supporting the patient’s quality of life.

Here is a link for information about what Hospice provides for patient and family.
https://hospicefoundation.org/what-is-hospice/
There may be some challenging days ahead so I hope you’ll get in touch with hospice soon. As her oncologist said, it will be better for your mother-in-law to speak with the nurses from hospice so that she’s more comfortable with their presence.
Will this be a difficult subject to broach with her?

She's set against the chemo, we as a family don't believe she would be able to handle it or survive it. We didn't give our opinions it was completely her choice. She does not acknowledge the cancer and doesn't relate any of the illness she has experienced this far to the cancer. We are waiting until after the holidays for hospice it will be a challenging conversation

Yes they offered her chemo an aggressive treatment, she refused. I'm still trying to figure out how to use all the tools here, haven't had a lot of time to jus sit and figure it all out.

msmac1- I understand the info presented takes time to read and think through. I also know that encouraging another to have a treatment can be heartbreaking when they just say no. My sibling said no to a genetic test i took and 2 other siblings did after me and all three of us carry the mutation. My sibling did not get the test. Two years later they had a cancer more likely from the mutation 3 of their siblings have. Would a test have helped? I do not know. Is it my business? Sadly no. What i was able to do is share a hospital and Dr. i had that they might want to contact. They were treated at that hospital and with that doctor, Functional medicine is a focus for my sibling now.
I hope this journey for you is full of insight and compassion for those who have lymphoma, and the family and friends who love them. Ultimately unconditional love is the answer.

She had no history of cancer we are aware of in her family, she is one of 18! She has always been a very private person wouldn't tell us if anything was wrong until she turned seriously ill and that's how we come to find out about the cancer. She had cellulitis in her legs and was very very sick and went to the hosp when her daughter was helping her get dressed is when she she the lump and the redness surrounding it. She has had it for a long time and says it never bothered her or anything. She is in denial to a point. She has refused scans and ultrasounds she doesn't want to know anything at this point. Through this 2-3 month process she has more days of confusion lately and she is getting weaker. She's normally a very stubborn set in her ways woman and as the days go by she's getting weaker. I personally talked to her about the chemo and she jus doesn't think she can handle the sickness that would come with treatment, when she's sick it brings her way down and she doesn't (the family) believe she would survive the chemo. We are doin and trying to understand everything we can when giving little to no information, not even the type of lymphoma. Unconditional love, she is surrounded.

I had to have the hospice conversation with my 93 year old mother. Fortunately, at that time, I was in grad school studying aging and aging services and learned about service options and conversation techniques.

I boiled down the conversation so there weren't a lot of words coming at her. Simply put, I asked her if she would like to be comfortable or have treatment. I then said, "It's your life, your decision." She simply said, "Comfortable. " Then, I arranged for hospice care. Surprisingly, she seemed to take it rather well while I was internal mush.

I believe more folks would sign up for hospice care if they believed it gives them options instead of the current belief that it's giving up.

None of these choices are easy. I wish you and your loved ones the best on this journey.💕

emmiet
I did something like you. I took 2 years of gerontology classes, wanting to understand the aging process and how i might help my mom. I was one of five and dare i say, not my mom's favorite out of the three girls. I was though there visiting often whether she preferred another sibling. At her passing, we realized our younger brother was mom's executor of the estate.
My Mom never put in writing she wanted to be cremated. I had many conversations with her on many visits about the death and dying class i took. Our spiritual beliefs and the "ever after" once we passed. I am not sure any of the siblings spoke with her on this topic. Once my mom hit the end, where she could no longer take care of herself, she slid into hospice care after two rehab homes she went to with no progress. My brother thought she would recover once home. My gerontology classes showed Mom was winding down and her body and mind were closing down. Nothing i said affected what my siblings thought or felt. My Mom never wanted to be living in a bed and taken care of as she told me visiting her childhood friend who lived in the Motion picture home for seniors. Mom said never. But it is what happened.
She did though have a niece who lived with her become the in-house caregiver for the rest of her lie. Three of the siblings also helped. In the end my mom lived the life she wanted and the choices she made put her in a medical crisis and a road she never wanted.
msmac1- Bless you for staying in the circle and listening. I love how emmiet said it. "Comfortable or treatment"