Looking for ways to cope with not surviving my cancer diagnosis.

@jschlachter77 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. When we receive a cancer diagnosis, our minds often run amuck.

May I ask what type of cancer you were diagnosed with, and what stage is it? What has your medical team discussed with you about the treatment options going forward? Being fearful of dying is not uncommon, and there will surely be several responses here.
Ginger

@jschlachter77 my mind went there too when diagnosed but I am 10 years out with no sign of recurrence knock on wood. From your post, we don't know if you are actually terminal or waiting for more information on your cancer or what stage you are at. It is especially scary with young children.

We cannot provide medical advice here but if you give us a little more information we might be able to share more that is comforting.

very very sorry.

I had carbon monoxide poisoning in 2003. I was close to death for about 4 months. I assumed I was going to die. The first few weeks were a huge mess. But after that, I just accepted that death is part of life and that was just what was going to happen.

And then, somehow I found peace.

But, really, I have no clue how that all happened. But, it did happen.

I have been in therapy for other issues. I was a violent crime victim and I have PTSD from that. I am a fan of therapy. Especially if you get a good therapist.

So, I would certainly encourage you to explore that.

There are probably support groups to deal with those issues. But, I don't mean online ones. Just the ones in the real world. The online support groups always seem to have at least one teen prankster who is not dying and just on there to annoy other people. You don't want to deal with one of those clowns while dealing with very serious issues.

I am religious. That certainly helped. If you are, I would certainly explore that.

I have read about NDE's and had some personal experience with that. That has helped. I met a combat Vet from Vietnam. Air Force. Plane got shot down. He had an NDE. When he told me about it? Hard to describe. But this guy was a real man, very very very tough guy. The idea that he would be interested in weird stuff was not in his demeanor. All I can say is that when he was talking about it...there was something there that my sarcastic doubts could not pierce.

And I also read about Eben Alexander. A doctor who had an NDE. He referenced the science and the medical problems he had. He reported that when he had his NDE, he was so close to death that his brain would not have been able to create the images he saw. Or, to say it another way...the images did not come from his body, from the physical world.

I know a lot of people are not into that...but I offer it, not to preach religion to you, but because it gave me comfort.

I looked some things up. The percentage of professional scientists who believe in God is the same as the percentage of the general public that believe in God. So, some internet idea that science trumps religion is not how the professionals view it. The Vatican science council literally has hundreds of Noble Prize winners in science on it. So, there are the highest rated scientists in the world who fully believe in God.

So, you know, there is that. That helped also.

I have done Hatha Yoga relaxation, meditations and breathing exercises. After my incident with violent crime, I started to have panic attacks. Breathing exercises eventually stopped those. So, breathing exercises to stay calm helped.

And the whole realm of stress reduction and stress management. When your emotions are pushed to the limit, don't also push yourself to do the most tasks possible. Pull back on some activity. Give yourself plenty of time to just rest and do nothing.

By the way, I have about 4 different medical problems that could kill me at any time. I can easily freak out if I let myself go there. But I do techniques to just gently move my mind away from those thoughts. Different things that I picked up in therapy or in relaxation work. Self-talk helps.

I consciously, sometimes, have to, you know, have a "conversation" with myself. Death comes to everyone. Millions of people believe in the afterlife. Maybe that is real. If it is real, then death isn't the end. If it is not real...I guess then there is the end. And if it is the end, there is no pain if you no longer are. So, either way, it is not torment and pain.

You know, with worry, it is sometimes like we are endless trying to convince ourselves of all the reasons why we should live in fear or worry or even terror. But we can also try to convince ourselves of other things....

From my point of view, the negative is the mind's default when we are under stress. And I do not think it is because the negative is more likely. I think it is just because somehow it is easier to believe the worst??? Something like that.

take care.

If nothing else, my experience is that just time itself calms everything down. I don't know why, but it seems like it does.

take care now.

Just because you are diagnosed with cancer doesn't always mean you will die soon. My husband recently died from lung cancer which he had for 13 years! God decides who is going to die and when. It's entirely up to him. Just pray and tell God how much you love your family and don't want to leave them. Then, enjoy to the fullest each day you have with your family. I wish you the best and will say a prayer for you.
PML

If I wasn’t strong in my faith in Jesus Christ, fear of death would
Consume me faster than the cancer.

Heart breaking to read but so normal 💔 I hear you.

I was diagnosed with stage 4 appendix cancer in 2021 at 58 and would be lucky to make 2 years.

It was a massive shock. I thought back over my life and was so glad that I had made so much of it. That helped steady me. I had been very fortunate.

But I also wanted more time and I wasn’t ready to leave everything behind. I made peace with God that while things might go badly, I knew He would be there to help me and my family bear whatever we needed to.

I was also determined to fight and give it my best shot. I got my Will etc sorted out just to get those in place if needed so I could focus on living and fighting.

Then I tapped into the Power of Now (book by Eckhart Tolle). Amazing. So powerful to live in the present and to close down fears of the future. That worrying is so draining and terrifying. Spending precious time with loved ones and making the most of that time, not wasting it. Walking in nature. Aromatherapy. Pilates. Yoga. Massages. Hobbies.

I am now 2 years in remission after a year of treatment. My cancer is not curable, will probably come back and hopefully we will deal with it. Treatments are so much better. I have slowly built a tool kit to deal with living while harnessing the fear of dying as a force to live well. The fear does come up especially on surveillance scanning days each quarter.

My goal remains to focus on living not on dying. We’re all dying, just our potential mortality date is no longer far over the horizon. Time is precious and each day is a blessing now 🙏❣️

I pray and hope you can find ways that work for you to deal with your own potential mortality 🙏🙏❣️❣️

That book helped me so much too! I always recommend it to friends who are newly diagnosed with cancer.