Intimacy and sexual life living with colorectal cancer

These are very viable concerns especially in a world where too much emphasis is on outer beauty. As a senior woman I have had many issues with my body and how I see myself, naturally I’m not impressed with what I see so how can anyone else find me attractive. We are really very fragile beings and illness of any kind can have serious effects on our bodies and minds. I truly believe that when you really love someone heart and soul you don’t see the changes in a negative way, love is powerful and can overcome so many things. We must learn to accept ourselves and be grateful that we’re alive because it’s a blessing from above, outer beauty is transient and inner beauty is forever. I have a very dear friend who is very disabled but in my eyes she’s a beautiful person who recently found love with someone who is paralyzed from the neck down, she shares stories with me about how much she loves him and I am so happy that in her eyes he is perfect.

Estoy de acuerdo con su comentario,cada quien lo ve a su manera, pero pienso que si puede haber actividad sexual, en caso como los que mencionas, dependerá de cada quien.

I certainly appreciate all this well written information. I won't know the staging until my imaging and Pet Scan. It will be May 14th so I am sitting here pondering the outcomes, and yes, the suffering too. I just met a beautiful man who thinks enough of me to go through this with me. I told him I don't have all the information. I am going to wait until I speak with the radiation and oncology Doctors what will be left of me to offer in sensuality. Then let my new partner know so he can make an informed decision to opt out. This is not for every one and we are not living together. And the uncertainty of the unknown. But at my age, that is already uncertain so I'm not dwelling on if I'm going to die, but how long to live and live I will. I just hope I can still have a partner. Wish me luck on this.

Your story is so inspiring! Thank you for sharing in depth your personal life.
I wish the best for you.

It is so important to be honest from the start, @trishalynn , as you are being with your new partner. If he really loves you, intimacy and sexual relations can be worked out to accomodate what your will be feeling physically.

In December of 2022, I had a transanal resection for a low lying pre-cancerous polyp. Then I had radiotherapy + chemotherapy pills early last year because the biopsy had mentioned positive margins, not even stage 1. After the radiotherapy, my husband and I retook our sexual intimacy with him having to be extracareful at first not to get close to my anus or the inner butt cheeks, where my skin had been burnt by the radiotherapy. My nerves were not affected and I could enjoy intercourse as before.

Then I developped a rectovaginal fistula (because of the radiotherapy) that at times made me uncomfortable in my head about having intercourse since I could have some fecal secretion coming out of my vagina. My husband was all relaxed about it, which was encouraging for me and helped me enjoy.

At the end of January this year, I had a two-step Turnbull-Cutait pullthrough with coloanal anastomosis, plus a vaginal flap, to get rid of both the fistula and a newly-appearing polyp facing the fistula. During the surgery, they found out the fistula had grown to touch the sphincter. The pullthrough means I had a total resection of my rectum, sigmoid and mesorectum, a delicate surgery that could affect many nerves. From masturbation, I can tell that the nerves have not been affected, even if it is harder for me to lubricate and orgasm, but this can be because of what goes on in my head. It's hard for me not to think that gases or feces could come out uncontrallably during sex. Also, I still have stitches in my vagina from the vaginal flap, and my husband and I can tell that my vagina feels shorter/smaller. We have not tried penile penetration. When the stitches have fallen, I will probably be able to use dilators. Also, when I am fully healed at the anastomosis, I will be allowed to have pelvic floor therapy. All this should help.
My husband and I are clear that we need to be flexible and slowly work with what is possible with the current state of my body and with the emotional turmoil in my head. We are also clear that probably our sexual intimacy won't be what it was before, but it doesn't mean we can't enjoy the current state of affair and we'll learn to be creative in enjoying our intimacy in other ways.
We'll be celebrating our 30th anniversary in July.

I certainly appreciate all this well written information. I won't know the staging until my imaging and Pet Scan. It will be May 14th so I am sitting here pondering the outcomes, and yes, the suffering too. I just met a beautiful man who thinks enough of me to go through this with me. I told him I don't have all the information. I am going to wait until I speak with the radiation and oncology Doctors what will be left of me to offer in sensuality. Then let my new partner know so he can make an informed decision to opt out. This is not for every one and we are not living together. And the uncertainty of the unknown. But at my age, that is already uncertain so I'm not dwelling on if I'm going to die, but how long to live and live I will. I just hope I can still have a partner. Wish me luck on this.

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with a second cancer, @trishalynn ! I hope this new cancer was found early.
How much it will affect your sexual life depends a lot on the treatment you will receive, because this will affect which nerves and how much they will be affected. Don't be coy with your doctors (oncologist, surgeon, whomever you're seeing for this cancer) and do ask right out how and how much it could/will affect your intimacy and sexual life.

Sexuality is not just sex. Sexuality has a biological dimension, a psychological one and a social one. The four holons of sexuality are gender, interpersonal affective bonding, eroticism adn reproductivity.
Now, it is important to keep in mind that intimacy with our partner is not just the physical sexual interaction. The first dimension of intimacy is the emotional one, our feelings for one another and how we express it in words and gestures. The second one is experimental, like the rituals we have as a couple, such as choosing and watching a movie together on Friday night, for example, or making a capucchino for your partner after lunch. The third one is intellectual: sharing some intellectual interest, like learning something new together. It could be taking a dance class together or attending conferences on the universe together, for example. The fourth one is spiritual: the moral values we share. And the last dimension is the physical one, the sexual physical intimacy, which does not have to include penetration if it is uncomfortable. There are also good sexologist out there who can help with this.

The workshop I'm attending grounds itself in mindfulness as a path to work on our intimacy and on our feeling whole as women affected by cancer. At our second session, we did an exercise where we had to experience what a raisin is through each of our five senses: we had to observe it, then touch it, then bring it close to our ear and listen to the noise it makes if we press on it, then smell it, and finally put it in our mouth, first only tasting it on our tongue, then chewing and swallowing it slowly.
The idea is to focus on the pleasant sensations, to observe our judgements, to explore without trying to change anything, but rather simply noting the sensations, thoughts and behaviors. The aim is to EXPERIENCE, to open ourselves to the SENSATIONS, to allow us to FEEL. This helps us to get to know ourselves, to know when and how to apply this.
In short, what this workshop does is to apply mindfulness to our sexuality and intimacy.

I'm with Colleen. Please keep us posted and yes, please encourage them to expand their considerations beyond breast cancer. I really hope you get something positive from the experience. And them too!