It is so important to be honest from the start, @trishalynn , as you are being with your new partner. If he really loves you, intimacy and sexual relations can be worked out to accomodate what your will be feeling physically.

In December of 2022, I had a transanal resection for a low lying pre-cancerous polyp. Then I had radiotherapy + chemotherapy pills early last year because the biopsy had mentioned positive margins, not even stage 1. After the radiotherapy, my husband and I retook our sexual intimacy with him having to be extracareful at first not to get close to my anus or the inner butt cheeks, where my skin had been burnt by the radiotherapy. My nerves were not affected and I could enjoy intercourse as before.

Then I developped a rectovaginal fistula (because of the radiotherapy) that at times made me uncomfortable in my head about having intercourse since I could have some fecal secretion coming out of my vagina. My husband was all relaxed about it, which was encouraging for me and helped me enjoy.

At the end of January this year, I had a two-step Turnbull-Cutait pullthrough with coloanal anastomosis, plus a vaginal flap, to get rid of both the fistula and a newly-appearing polyp facing the fistula. During the surgery, they found out the fistula had grown to touch the sphincter. The pullthrough means I had a total resection of my rectum, sigmoid and mesorectum, a delicate surgery that could affect many nerves. From masturbation, I can tell that the nerves have not been affected, even if it is harder for me to lubricate and orgasm, but this can be because of what goes on in my head. It's hard for me not to think that gases or feces could come out uncontrallably during sex. Also, I still have stitches in my vagina from the vaginal flap, and my husband and I can tell that my vagina feels shorter/smaller. We have not tried penile penetration. When the stitches have fallen, I will probably be able to use dilators. Also, when I am fully healed at the anastomosis, I will be allowed to have pelvic floor therapy. All this should help.
My husband and I are clear that we need to be flexible and slowly work with what is possible with the current state of my body and with the emotional turmoil in my head. We are also clear that probably our sexual intimacy won't be what it was before, but it doesn't mean we can't enjoy the current state of affair and we'll learn to be creative in enjoying our intimacy in other ways.
We'll be celebrating our 30th anniversary in July.

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