~ Illness in friends .... ~

Posted by Barb @amberpep, Mar 23, 2022

Hi all .... Sometimes I guess we are reminded of our ages, even though we don't feel it. I have two friends who have become ill within the passed several months. My closest friend, in MD (I'm now in VA) first had bladder cancer, had major surgery, and now must wear a bag. She also took chemo. for a period of time. Well, about 8 months later we began to notice she was getting out of breath much quicker than normal .... turns out she has pulmonary lung disease and must use oxygen almost 24/7. In reading the Mayo site apparently it "can" be brought on by chemo. So now she's left her home, is living in a tiny apartment until her daughter and her husband can fix up part of their house for her. Another friend, who I know from here (supposed senior apartment) has had pain in the lower left quadrant of her abdomen. Turns out she has "stones" ... I imaging gallstones, and her intestines are very thin. I'm not sure what all that means by shes on pain meds. and two of the doctors are going to discuss it and decide what to do. Wow .... that really hits one in the head like a load of bricks, and I again realize ... yep .... I'm getting older too, even though I don't feel like it.
Barb (abby)

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@amberpep

You all are so very positive and up-beat. Interestingly, that got me thinking .... I used to be that same way .... when I moved from MD to VA, life totally changed ..... I guess I felt MD, and my condo. were my "nest." I was writing, learning to play the Celtic Harp, and had a garden on my balcony. I think living here .... what is supposed to be a senior community, I expected more "life." There are a few of us, but a lot of the people here (95% women) should be in either Assisted Living or a few even in a Nursing Home. Dealing with depression myself, that is not helpful. I'm nice to everyone, helpful, talk with everyone, but they have no idea what is going on inside. But, financially, I cannot afford to move. I think I will pull out my folders of writings, and try getting back to that. Barb

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@amberpep hi, Barb. It was so nice seeing your posting today. You sound upbeat like you want to do something! And then you mentioned your writings—I’m glad you’re getting them out. It’s springtime and the Shenandoah Valley is so gorgeous! Maybe write about what you see and then tell us about it. Many of us don’t live in such gorgeous, historical places, but we’d sure like to hear about the.
Can you do that for us? Becky

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@amberpep

You all are so very positive and up-beat. Interestingly, that got me thinking .... I used to be that same way .... when I moved from MD to VA, life totally changed ..... I guess I felt MD, and my condo. were my "nest." I was writing, learning to play the Celtic Harp, and had a garden on my balcony. I think living here .... what is supposed to be a senior community, I expected more "life." There are a few of us, but a lot of the people here (95% women) should be in either Assisted Living or a few even in a Nursing Home. Dealing with depression myself, that is not helpful. I'm nice to everyone, helpful, talk with everyone, but they have no idea what is going on inside. But, financially, I cannot afford to move. I think I will pull out my folders of writings, and try getting back to that. Barb

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Hi Barb, I am lucky enough to be in my own house and I read your comment about “senior living arrangement” I feel for you. I wonder if you can just concentrate on your writing as your main focus and ignore your surroundings in order to create…My living arrangement has some neg. Aspects but I focus on my painting/writing and ignore them so I am able to get work done…If you are mobile try walking around the neighbourhood to enjoy other gardens or visit greenhouses. That might help…you may meet like minded souls. And reading what you enjoy…Keeping in touch with like minded souls via phone, facetime or post is also very encouraging. Wishing you succes. Walk in peace.

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@fromthehill

Hi Barb, I am lucky enough to be in my own house and I read your comment about “senior living arrangement” I feel for you. I wonder if you can just concentrate on your writing as your main focus and ignore your surroundings in order to create…My living arrangement has some neg. Aspects but I focus on my painting/writing and ignore them so I am able to get work done…If you are mobile try walking around the neighbourhood to enjoy other gardens or visit greenhouses. That might help…you may meet like minded souls. And reading what you enjoy…Keeping in touch with like minded souls via phone, facetime or post is also very encouraging. Wishing you succes. Walk in peace.

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Such helpful suggestions for Barb, @amberpep ! I also like going to garden stores to just enjoy all the flowers.
Thank you @fromthehill

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@becsbuddy

Such helpful suggestions for Barb, @amberpep ! I also like going to garden stores to just enjoy all the flowers.
Thank you @fromthehill

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Thank you, I hesitated to put in my two cents so am glad if it helped. I have often found that moving in a concentrated focused way sometimes draws like minded individuals to you and one is less alone.

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@amberpep

You all are so very positive and up-beat. Interestingly, that got me thinking .... I used to be that same way .... when I moved from MD to VA, life totally changed ..... I guess I felt MD, and my condo. were my "nest." I was writing, learning to play the Celtic Harp, and had a garden on my balcony. I think living here .... what is supposed to be a senior community, I expected more "life." There are a few of us, but a lot of the people here (95% women) should be in either Assisted Living or a few even in a Nursing Home. Dealing with depression myself, that is not helpful. I'm nice to everyone, helpful, talk with everyone, but they have no idea what is going on inside. But, financially, I cannot afford to move. I think I will pull out my folders of writings, and try getting back to that. Barb

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@amberpep Hi Barb:

Getting out your folders of writings is a great idea! If you would like to have a bit more writing encouragement, take a look at the discussion on Journaling - The Write Stuff for You. Here is the link, https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/journaling-the-write-stuff-for-you/

As you look at your previous writings, Barb, what did you enjoy writing about? For example, was it poems, prose or perhaps writing about your feelings and activities?

I look forward to hearing more about your writings!

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@fromthehill

Hi Barb, I am lucky enough to be in my own house and I read your comment about “senior living arrangement” I feel for you. I wonder if you can just concentrate on your writing as your main focus and ignore your surroundings in order to create…My living arrangement has some neg. Aspects but I focus on my painting/writing and ignore them so I am able to get work done…If you are mobile try walking around the neighbourhood to enjoy other gardens or visit greenhouses. That might help…you may meet like minded souls. And reading what you enjoy…Keeping in touch with like minded souls via phone, facetime or post is also very encouraging. Wishing you succes. Walk in peace.

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Thank you all so very much for your responses. I'd love to get to know you all! You sound like my kind of people! I am going to pull out the writing I did while going through the journey of divorce, turn it into a book of some sort - as I feel led - and just see what happens. Before I moved down here I was taking lessons to learn the Celtic Harp. I had one made (back in the day when I had $) in Lancaster, Pa by a Mennonite family ... it's beautiful. I have not found a harp teacher down here, but discovered that there are sites on-line which give lessons, all the way from the very earliest to the more difficult. Harp music is soothing to me. Now I'm just praying for a church which is really my big area of finding friends. I am Western Orthodox (not Eastern) and left a wonderful life-giving church in MD and there is none down here within driving distance. The closest is 1-1/2 hrs. away. It's a dilemma for sure. I did get out my booklet on hikes along the Appalachian Trail - everything from easy treks to long ones. When I was married we did a lot of hiking and although I can't do the tough ones anymore because of a knee replacement, I would love to hit some of the shorter, easier ones. Gotta' remember bear spray though! There's a lot of critters up there. Thanks for the input ... you've got me thinking in a different direction. It's a bit tough here .... this is a Section 8 apartment bldg. and most of the people are pretty sour and gossip like Jr. Hi. girls. But, that's not me, so I'm going to go off on my own. I also have done some of the things that the Management should have done a long time ago ..... our second and third floors are cockroach ridden. Of course, everyone gripes but does nothing. Well, I called the Dept. of Health and believe me .... they've already been here 3 times to spray. So, believe it or not, that also puts me on the "don't talk to her" list. Oi Vey!
Barb
Barb

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@amberpep

You all are so very positive and up-beat. Interestingly, that got me thinking .... I used to be that same way .... when I moved from MD to VA, life totally changed ..... I guess I felt MD, and my condo. were my "nest." I was writing, learning to play the Celtic Harp, and had a garden on my balcony. I think living here .... what is supposed to be a senior community, I expected more "life." There are a few of us, but a lot of the people here (95% women) should be in either Assisted Living or a few even in a Nursing Home. Dealing with depression myself, that is not helpful. I'm nice to everyone, helpful, talk with everyone, but they have no idea what is going on inside. But, financially, I cannot afford to move. I think I will pull out my folders of writings, and try getting back to that. Barb

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Hi, Barb!
Check our Nadia Colburn online. She offers free courses where you can share your writing and participate as a very nice group of writers. She is also on Facebook. I took her five day free meditation and writing class and loved it. Made a lot of new writer friends who encourage each other. Since you have internet access you might really enjoy what she has to offer. I did sign up for and purchase the 30 day course which gives me lifetime access and I love it. Good luck and keep the faith Barb! keep writing, too!
~Paula

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I think a big part of my feelings are the fact that my X-husband lives down here also (two of our three kids live down this way). After 45 years we were divorced. I guess after spending my life taking care of kids, cooking, starting Bible Studies, and being active in MD, it's just so different here. I went back to work after our last child was born, working as a Dental Assistant. Many of the people living here should be in Nursing Homes, but this is all they can afford .... this is all I can afford too. I had grand ideas of this time of life, but it all seemed to go up in smoke.
As they say .... "it is what it is."
Barb

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I'm sure many of you won't want to read all this, and that's fine, but I have no one else to vent to, so you are it. I have a close friend, we went to Business School together - 1963-1964 - and we have remained friends - "safe" friends. Her husband is diabetic and about 20 years ago began to get those sores on his foot who had to be treated by a specialist, and he had to have special shoes. Then about 4 years ago he developed kidney problems and has been on dialysis ever since, first 3 times a week at the hospital and then with a dialysis set up at home. Then his liver enzymes shot up, he became very yellow .... back into the hospital. He has a mass in his pancreas which they biopsied and it is malignant. They were testing him today, I believe via an MRI, to see if any cells had gravitated to the connection between the pancreas and the liver. I have not heard anything more, but I've been praying every time I think of them. She is such a dear friend and I just hurt so badly for them both. I'll call her tomorrow ... since I have not heard anything today, I'm concerned the news isn't good. But, I'll just wait and see, and hopefully I'm wrong.
Barbara /abby

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@amberpep

I'm sure many of you won't want to read all this, and that's fine, but I have no one else to vent to, so you are it. I have a close friend, we went to Business School together - 1963-1964 - and we have remained friends - "safe" friends. Her husband is diabetic and about 20 years ago began to get those sores on his foot who had to be treated by a specialist, and he had to have special shoes. Then about 4 years ago he developed kidney problems and has been on dialysis ever since, first 3 times a week at the hospital and then with a dialysis set up at home. Then his liver enzymes shot up, he became very yellow .... back into the hospital. He has a mass in his pancreas which they biopsied and it is malignant. They were testing him today, I believe via an MRI, to see if any cells had gravitated to the connection between the pancreas and the liver. I have not heard anything more, but I've been praying every time I think of them. She is such a dear friend and I just hurt so badly for them both. I'll call her tomorrow ... since I have not heard anything today, I'm concerned the news isn't good. But, I'll just wait and see, and hopefully I'm wrong.
Barbara /abby

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Barb,
You sound like a very caring person and one that your friend is very lucky to have. And praying for her husband is the best you can do at this moment. However, something that goes hand in hand with prayer is "letting go and let God". All the stress and worry you produce is not helping anyone... but it is affecting you. Please know that being available for your friend and sharing with God is not only ALL you can do but the BEST you can do. Whatever happens is in God's hands. Find that "Peace that passes all understanding".
Blessings & Health!

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