I Think Therapists Don't Really Care

Sorry. Are you seeking a friend (male or female) or a boyfriend (male)? I fear perhaps your ex-boyfriend may have wanted a girlfriend more than a friend. Could a female be a friend? Married men, for example, rarely have girlfriends (ask their wives), and occasionally have friends who are girls - but that’s risky. Please don’t hold me callous. The nuance escapes most men.

urmysunshine, most therapists give the appearance of being uninvolved, to encourage independence, helping you find a way to figure things out on your own.
She didn't fail to care. She may have been telling you that she values the same things that you do. Connecting with you.
Its more like you tapped into something exciting in her life and she momentarily forgot that you were a client. Really the opposite of your feeling that you are just a paycheck.
If it happened to me that way I'd be mulling over it.
It's wonderful that you want children.
You should hang out here on Connect.

Hi,
I'm so sorry you are going through all this. Breaking up with your boyfriend is not a fun situation. It can really hurt and I don't blame you for being lonely. That's normal in this situation. However, there are a lot of nice, caring people here on Connect to communicate with. I found many here since my husband died in 2024. I was lonely also and Connect helps with the loneliness. Plus it's cheaper and probably more helpful than seeing a therapist.

Give all your problems and concerns up to God. He's there for you and will help you get through all of this. He's helped me many times since my husband died. I'll say a prayer for you also.

I wish you the best.
PML

I can relate to you. Choosing to be alone when there were many opportunities to date, drove me batty. Marriage can be terribly lonely, too. Becoming friends with people who have a large capacity to accept and care for me just as I am, relieves my loneliness significantly. I have not experienced much of that kind of interaction with others except on rare occasions. In the meantime, as much as I dread lonely times, I am becoming better friends with me, largely through others who share and appreciate my frailties.

Having spent the bulk of my life hating my guts (unbeknownst to me most of the time, in order to force myself to become what others expected of me and which I failed to do) I am on the verge of loving me, which gives me more love and kindness for others, which is just what I've always wanted, which makes me more appealing.

I have friends who are therapists. I don't know how they are with their clients, but among themselves they talk about what great clinicians they are, how much they make, and how their consulting rooms are arranged.
I've read 5000 or so textbook pages on Freud, self psychology ( does not mean doing therapy on yourself), ego psychology, object relations, systems, and the word "care" was never mentioned. I really like Jung.
Therapists are human. Many can and do care, but developing and acting on the caring can destroy both the therapist and the client. That's why there is or should be solid supervision of the therapist. Therapists have issues. Caring can be a pathway to confusing and jumbling the therapists issues with the patient's, or improper attachments, especially if the patient is super smart and really disturbed.
Professional distance and discipline are required because dealing with psyche and soul is dangerous. That does not mean being cold or less than human. There is a whole lot to be examined in transferences and countertransference.
Stay with Mayo chat.🫂

@shmerdloff the trouble is often they Mental Health System, its impossible to do for the patient what needs to be done, it takes money /time / etc which the system doesnt have and the government wont give.

@urmysunshine99

How old are you? Do you still aspire to meet someone, marry and have a family? How long were you with your recent boyfriend?

I do think therapists need to keep a healthy, professional boundary with clients. I have been to many and deal with major depression and anxiety and take medication which is helping me. Do you take medication? Does it help you?

I do think you may be expecting your therapist to be a friend rather than a professional to help you help yourself. When the therapist heard you about the holiday pajamas and pictures and then shared their own, they were sharing with you something you are aspiring to have. Rather than think it is insensitive, ask yourself why you are bothered with or jealous of what others have. You may cause people to stay at a distance from you if you act like you feel sorry for yourself and resent others for having what you don’t have. You may be requiring others not to share their feelings, joys, happiness, etc. because you don’t feel that way. That would bring others down and may cause them to avoid you. That makes it hard to have friends.

You may want to work on why you feel sorry for and negative about yourself and your life and figure out how you can work with a therapist to improve your self esteem, break the negative self perception and negative self talk about all you don’t have and turn that around to focus on what you want and work towards getting it. You may be spending more negative energy on resentment and self loathing than positive energy focused on improving your life. A therapist that is good won’t be trying to be your friend. They should be challenging you to examine your distorted thinking and set goals for yourself to work towards improving your quality of life and self perception. You, and only you, are responsible for you. You can’t expect others to care more for you than you care for yourself. I work on that daily.

@dlydailyhope What a great answer. Especially about being responsible for yourself and not relying on others to find your answers and fix your 'problems. I myself have had to make some radical changes in the way I viewed others and myself. Once I found the answers life became much easier.

I think that group support therapy would be more beneficial for you, it’s apparent that you need more feedback about yourself and this is a good thing but being in a one on one relationship with a therapist is entirely different. I never felt very comfortable on my own with a therapist, I needed more help and support which is better for me, you work out your feelings with others who are on the same page, this way you are helping yourself and others too and that can be very gratifying for you and them, it also helps you with the feeling of loneliness because you’re surrounded by people that are similar to you, best wishes to you and finding peace with yourself.

I agree, therapist and group therapy. I am working on my MSW and I know that in social work and psychotherapy, therapists see many people throughout the day. They are humans as well and have to practice self care or they can burn out. They have to do some compartmentalization or they would lose their minds with all the empathy and emotions that they encounter during the day, everyday. I see a therapist and I have asked about this myself as I have been seeing this therapist for several years. We have a good rapport, however, I can not rely on him to be my friend. AA helped me find some friends. There are other groups and as I do not know what why you see a therapist, I would ask them if there is a group that you might join. Hang in there.