I don't feel nearly as stimulated by other people touching me

Posted by kirin @kirin, Aug 8 9:10am

Hello, everyone.

I have a question which is too sensitive to ask on my community, sadly, so I hope someone here can give me some valuable insight: as the title says, it doesn't feel nearly as good when a girl touches me than when I touch myself.

Moreover, vaginal sex (with me penetrating) just cannot make me feel that much pleasure. I often hear from girls that this is the case for them, but it's funny how can this be so for a guy as well. It's so much so that I can never finish while inside, and keep losing my erection depending on position. The only way I can climax is by masturbating with my own hand, which not every girl is into watching, I imagine. It also makes sex too cumbersome, as I keep having to find a position and take forever to start and to finish, no matter how relaxed I am.

My doubt is: I masturbate a lot, and don't have that much of an active sex life in the first place. So could it be that I am just too used to my own hand and grip? How can I condition myself to enjoy other people's touch/body more and actually feel the same pleasure than on my own?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Men's Health Support Group.

hbp | @hbp | Aug 8 9:23am

Perhaps you should visit with a sex therapist as your issue is perhaps more than the lay people here can help you with. Good luck, don’t get stressed, this is is important but not life threatening.

heisenberg34 | @heisenberg34 | Aug 9 9:17am

I.m not sure if my response will be of any help for you, but here goes. My first wife had quite a few hangups regarding sex. I found myself enjoying self gratification. When we did have sex, I could not sustain myself for very long, especially when I was in the top position. After our divorce, I stopped the self gratification. About four years later, I met a wonderful gal who was willing to try different positions. I discovered that I when was on top I could sustain myself for a fairly long time. BUT, we discovered that her greatest pleasure came when I manually stimulated her to climax. We had sex every day on our honeymoon(sometimes twice a day). It was the willingness to experiment that allowed us to discover what gave each other the greatest pleasure. I hope you can glean something from this.

jenatsky | @jenatsky | Aug 12 4:40pm

@kirin you need to see a mental health therapist to stop depending on masturbation and find out why you’re having this issue. A sex therapist may be needed but down the road I think.

Phil, Alumni Mentor | @upstatephil | Aug 13 11:39am

@kirin - Good advice already given. Your challenge sounds more behavioral than physical. A good therapist can help wean you away from masturbation and towards couples sex.

A simple experiment is to abstain from masturbating which will naturally build your interest in having sex with a partner.