How to deal with aging anxiety?

Exercise may help or you may need medication. Your concerns are experienced by most of us who are in the last years of our life.

I'm right there with you and wish I had the magic to heal this. I'm facing a shoulder replacement in a few weeks and have come to understand how much chronic pain affects us. I've also suffered from anxiety/depression and its relationship to pain.

I have done a couple of things to mitigate what you and I are suffering from. The world, especially our country, has become surreal and foreign to me. I simply can't believe what is happening and have chosen to shut down all news. I allow only beauty in my life: music, art, reading, nature.

Second, at I have decided to adopt a palliative care only approach to my health. I have learned about the difference between palliative and hospice care and it's huge! Once I've recovered from my surgery, that is - lol! I will continue to take my usual medications, but will refuse any aggressive interventions and procedures. No more screenings, no MRIs, CT scans, etc. When my body can no long live pain-free and enjoy movement, when I get a serious diagnosis, I will accept comfort care with gratitude.

Third, I take medication for anxiety and depression which have been invaluable.

I'm 68 and, given my family history, thought I would be dealing with this 10 or 20 years from now. I have had a mostly beautiful life. I married a truly wonderful man over 40 years ago, enjoyed meaningful work, raised a daughter with learning disabilities who is now in graduate school studying social work. I was blessed with the most extraordinary parents imaginable. I have enjoyed great friendships (vanishing now), and beautiful places. The ability to think and enjoy complex ideas as well as a simple life.

One book and an article I read recently have been very validating and supportive: Natural Causes, by Barbara Ehrenreich and the attached article.

I am thinking of you and sending all best wishes for peace.

A close friend of mine is a grandmother, as am I. We both worry about the future. But we have devised a little method to cut the worry. We say that our love--support, caring, acceptance--is like "money in the bank" for our grand kids. Maybe they will have to face great difficulties--in any case, human life is always bumpy. But we're kind of stocking up our love and support inside them. I believe that even after I'm no longer alive that love will live inside the child to inspire courage and happiness.
Sure, I also try to teach practical things. My six year old grand daughter and I walked in the rain to the local cafe. On line, I warned against poking people with the umbrella, as no one likes that. A young lady in front of us smiled and said "I'd like you anyway!" What did we learn, exactly? Maybe just that a cafe is a great place in the rain.
I also understand the anxiety and worry is quite real--and wishing you some peace of mind.

Your concerns are felt by many ! But, there are offsets—shared love, whatever you can do and enjoy…no more work pressures, etc. I bet you have a gratitude list, too… our physical bodies change, but so can our outlooks adapt, so we make more room within ourselves to make the best of where we find ourselves. That said, this is a good place to air your feelings and get helpful support. May you have as good a 2026 as possible !

@babette thank you. Helpful words

First, you are only human; it's perfectly natural to be bummed over the misfortunes you have or because of the passages of others who were influential in some small way in your life. After all, look where you are....a that ripe old age! You've had a few innings under your belt, you've learned and felt much along the way, and the chapters ahead are few. Yet, here you are typing on a digital device that works, that gets power regularly that you can afford, and you know we here can help you to get over a rough patch. That's quite a bit of security you have going for you....yes? I think one of the great drains you experience is the pain. That must be tackled aggressively, even if for a week or five, to get you over a hump and to help you to realize that there is a lot of normalcy ahead if you want to reach for it. Especially if it is impeding restful sleep with some good REM built in, you need rest and must treat the pain aggressively until your mind feels it can let go of the worry and experience of all those surgeries and the ailments that led to them.

My two cents.

Thanks for the encouragement. About to start wearing a monitor for two weeks to check for a fib. Adding to my anxiety.

@babette I share much of what you say so well…my docs all know how I feel…don’t know just what’s ahead, so I’m not quite ready to commit all the way to palliative, but definitely not going for aggressive treatments that cause much additional suffering ! Like you I have had some good life, share love and enjoy music, reading and nature…and hope I get the grace to enjoy and share more…wishing for peace for all as we go into 2026 !

I appreciate the comments that I have received today. Knowing that other people care and have some thoughts has helped pull me out out of a really rough place this morning.

Hi,
How awful for you to have had numerous surgies and still have pain! I'm so sorry you are going through that. I understand about being older; (I'm 79) and losing friends to death. My very good friend died in May, 2024 and in July, 2024 my husband of 30 years also died. I know my friend and my husband are up in Heaven and that we will be together eventually in God's time but it's not easy to be alone. What really has helped me is God. God has been there for me since my husband died answering my prayers. I just talk to him like he's my best friend and he is! Ask for God's help with all that you are dealing with; both physically and mentally. He made you and he can fix you! God can also fix the world for your grandchildren. He made that too!

If you need to talk, I have a lot of time.
I will say a prayer for you and your grandchildren. I wish you the best.
PML