How long for the dread/guilt/total disbelief to dull a tiny bit?

Justsara, Bless your sweet heart. I guarantee you who knew how much you loved him with all your heart. Precious lady, you are letting "false guilt" eat away at your emotions. Please don't do that to yourself. It sounds like you guys had a wonderful marriage. I'm sure he loved you very much and that you were a wonderful wife. Please put your mind at ease and take peace and comfort in that. Hugs & Prayers....

The same thing happened to me with my mother. I undersand how you feel completely. It really will ease. I corresponded with another person with a similar loss and missing those imagined last moments. I met her in a bereavement workshop. Most helpful for me was one on one bereavement counseling with the right person. It is very early in your loss. Feel what is natural to feel, however painful. The loss never goes away but the part about not lying with the person while they drift away gets better, and grief does ease over time. My mother died in October and I am feeling better lately. Not the same as a wife though!

Thank you so much 😊

I am so sorry for your loss but you must stop feeling guilty. Through your years together and the way you took care of him I know he knew how much you loved him. I went through a similar situation with my husband of 66 years I joined a grief program through my church and it really helped. I learned to take one hour at a time, one day at a time, don’t worry about yesterday it is gone and tomorrow will take care of itself only think about today, get out for a walk if you can.change your daily routine to a new one. Hopefully your family and friends are taking you out for coffee, go do not stay home.Dwell on the good times you shared. Let the love you shared over rules any other feelings you have .

Thank you so much x I feel guilty as we had a long ‘cold’ period and it only came back together when he was ill. So it’s one of those ‘I wish I’d not done that, said that…’ and in it goes.
The last 6 months I feel I only really knew the real him x

I was told that 95% of people grieving are focused on regrets. It is apparently a normal part of grief, or so I was told.

Interesting statistic, @justsara

I never realized I was in such a tiny minority of those who grieve. I know my grief is definitely focused on, and rooted in, the love I had, and still have, for my wife.

Strength, Courage & Peace

Please be kind to yourself and patient with yourself. I am so very sorry for your loss. I have noticed that all of the people I know that have lost loved ones have regrets. No matter what we try to do, it seems like we look back and think we could have done more or better. This is such a recent loss. You will start to adjust in time, your own time.

My husband has stage IV cancer and is starting radiation and chemo here soon. I have the exact same situation. We have had problems for years and now that he is sick I feel guilty for things I have said, things I have and have not done. In fact I was getting ready to move out when we found out he has cancer. Now I'm wondering what I can say to him or how I can build a better bond during this time. I'm worried I'll think of what to say when it's too late. Does anyone have suggestions on what they wish they would have said? Thank you

Reconnect as much as you can. Spend time with him and hold him tight. Say whatever you want, don’t hesitate. Let your heart do the talking not your mind. Don’t be afraid to say anything. Xx