How has ADT affected your enthusiasm & motivation for life?

I am 74, single been on ADT for 1 yr. This is what it has done to me: I am not as confident, I am afraid to travel now..I dont have hardly any interst in sex-in fact I somehow feel betrayed by sex. I have gained 18 pounds ( some is muscle because I lift wts and work out more-I now weigh 235 when pre PC era I weight 215-220)...I dont necessarily feel sad but I do feel my life is on hold. I have hot flashes regulalry and dont sleep as well ---oh fatigue..lots of fatigue.....plus deep fear of recurrence and having to fight this for the rest of my life. Prostate cancer and all the treatment wounds psychologically and physically. But I carry on and grateful there are treatment options and now have a much more profound sympathy for people with cancer...I lost twin sister to cancer, Older sister and my dad..so I have seen it but now it ( cancer) is an intimate part of me. I have Gleason 8 N1..one more yr of ADt..and every 3 months PSA worry but so far I am <.02...otherwise doing ok.

@xahnegrey40 I'm sorry about the feeling that your life is on hold. 🙁

I honestly don't know how I'd cope with this cancer if I lived by myself. You're probably doing **much** better than I would: I might have just climbed right up inside my head and stayed there.

In my case, I feel like life is going on like a toboggan down an icy hill, whether I feel like pausing or not, so I might as well hold on for the ride and try to keep up with all the changes in my spouse's, kids', bonus kids', and now, grandkid's lives.

Could I use a break sometimes? Absolutely — the pace is exhausting. But it does keep me engaged with life at a time when it would have been very easy just to give up.

There must be a happy median somewhere between our two situations.

I have been on ADT for about fourteen months now and, while I have not noticed any significant morphological changes - I don’t experience hot flashes or overwhelming fatigue - my partner of twelve years tells me that I have “changed” and not in a good way. I am a bit more caustic now and short-tempered and my ability to focus has diminished as I seem unable to prioritize life tasks.
At her urging, I sought help from a psychiatrist but even that didn’t prevent us from separating for two weeks in early June (we have since reconciled). Some of my malaise was due to my loss of athletic prowess. I am a short track ice speed skater who also races bicycles during the off season and, at sixty-eight, it appeared that I would need to re-evaluate my public persona due to my inability to perform at the high level to which I was accustomed.
Libido? I still have the interest and desire - I have always enjoyed the company of women, perhaps to excess because, even while on ADT, the attention of other women led to our brief separation. Previously I might have drawn a firm boundary between me and the other women but I had become insecure about my sexuality and, although I didn’t have an affair, I didn’t discourage the attention which, understandably, infuriated my partner.
Therapy has helped us overcome this rough patch plus, through some miracle I still don’t understand, I have regained my cycling ability and competed in an international endurance race on June 13th where I finished 407 out of 788 - which is good for a senior citizen.

That’s a good question. A lot of it depends on his personality. If he’s not outgoing, already has a negative outlook, and doesn’t have much sense of humor — no, ADT isn’t going to suddenly make him happy. That’s not how it works.
But here’s the thing with ADT — you have to accept it for what it is. Acceptance is a huge part of this. Staying stuck in doom and gloom doesn’t help anything. ADT changes your emotions, but it doesn’t change who you are underneath.
I remember my oncologist telling me, “You’re going to get more emotional, like crying when you see a puppy.” I told him I already do that 😂
Yes, you’ll probably have some slump days. And the rest of the time, you push yourself. It’s not easy, but you can do it. It’s a lot easier to just do nothing.
I have metastatic prostate cancer, Gleason 9, it’s spread throughout my body. It’s under control with meds, and I’ve managed the side effects with more meds. It’s only been a year, and I’m grateful I’m still on the top side of the grass.
There’s a lot you can do. Accept that there will be bad days. Walking helps. Weight training really helps. Eating well matters a lot. And knowing you’ve got a team behind you — family, doctors, friends, even the furry friends— that won’t give up on you, so you don’t give up on them either.
Hang in there, take it one day at a time. And remember, this forum is here for you. 🙂

(I had two 3-month injections of Eligard; the Eligard stayed in my system a total of 9 months.)

When I was initially diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2012, my wife was quite upset. She said she “couldn’t bear the thought of cancer being in me.” But, I’m the more pragmatic, logical (retired computer scientist) type, and was able to show her (based on the data), that there really wasn’t anything to worry about, many treatments were available, and that I would carefully evaluate and analyze all aspects of this situation and make a decision that was best for us.

In that process, much of my time has been spent maintaining normalcy for her and myself, and insulating her from the continuous grind - physical and mental - of test-after-test-after-test. (That effort exhibited itself a few weeks ago when I mentioned to my wife about it being the 5th anniversary since the end of my 28 proton radiation treatments. She replied “yeah” and went back to watching her TV show.(!) That was an appropriate response, given my purposeful efforts to maintain normalcy in our relationship during this time.)

During my hormone therapy, I asked my wife if she had noticed any emotional changes in me: moodiness, crankiness, aggressiveness, anger, etc. She said that she hadn’t noticed any. (But, she did joke that I started watching too much Hallmark Channel on TV!)

This diagnosis did not adversely affect my passion, enthusiasm, and motivation for life in any way. In fact, it motivated me to be more active, eat more healthily, stay occupied, and continue with all I had been doing. (When I was diagnosed with prostate cancer, I had recently been elected vice mayor of my city; later I would be elected mayor. Nothing around me changed with my diagnosis.)

The things you’re expressing that he’s going through are all due to low testosterone. Think about your own menopausal years. What it took you years to get to and through, he was put fully into in a few weeks. “Male menopause” is what it’s called. He’s feeling 15 years older practically overnight; yes, that might cause him to be emotionally flat, less connected, shorter tennis sessions, indifference, apathy, patience, hot flashes, fatigue, ….feelings in general. (Again, think menopause.)

His feelings aren’t likely to improve until the ADT is out of his system and his T levels return.

However, there is a solution….

We often hear about the physical benefits of exercise to minimize the physical side-effects of hormone therapy. But, there are also mental health benefits as well —> Exercise turns on many types of switches in the parts of the brain that puts us in a better mood. It reduces stress, anxiety, depression, catastrophizing, and more.

A short video with Drs. Sholz and Moyad talking about exercise and hormone therapy: https://m.youtube.com/watch

Incorporating a resistance-training exercise program is a necessary part of the routine to minimize the potential physical/mental side-effects of hormone therapy.

It will improve the situation for him (and you).
========

When you write that your question is "not about libido", I'm not so sure. I believe libido is strongly related to "excitement about future plans, ambition, or simply enjoying everyday conversations and activities..." Among men, I think testosterone is about excitement of all kinds, sexual and otherwise, so those things are hard to separate. But separate them we must, somehow, in order to lead happy lives. In my own experience (short so far, but I can feel things coming) I try to put more effort into exercise, activities with friends, reading novels and nonfiction that are positive in outlook, and never-ending home projects (admittedly harder to get excited about, but there's always satisfaction in "gettin 'er done").

That's kind of a "solo" answer, seemingly not directly related to your query about relationships. But it is tightly related in the sense that those are things I have to work on for myself in order to be tolerable (at least) to my loving and supportive wife of 45 years. She knows and supports this work I have to do, and I try to give back as much as I can. That's really the main project here.

It's always work; as you write, things are often "off-kilter". Maybe think of it more as "new kilter" and trying to find some reward from this journey. It sounds to me like you're lucky to have each other, and you're going to be okay.

I think what you need to know is that you are the most important thing in your husband‘s life. The cancer has taken a toll on him that you won’t ever know about. Most importantly he has you and your support. You should know that means everything to him. Even if he doesn’t say it, it’s important, incredibly important to him. He’s also questioning how this cancer will impact his life in two years, five years, 10 years. you’re both still young. Prostate cancer will always be in the back of his head, even though he won’t discuss it with you. Oh, it’s there. it never goes away. My wife is my anchor, like he is yours. For me only, I never, in my wildest dreams, thought at 67 I would be saying goodbye to intimacy the rest of my life but here I am. We still have plenty of fun. I’m restoring two old cars for my two kids. Everything between us is wonderful, but no, I never forget and it’s always in the back of my mind like it will be in his. Just stay close, always be there for each other and you’ll knock this thing out of the park. Best of luck to the both of you.

@xahnegrey40 oh and I have found myself looking at Prada and Vuitton hand bags and scarves ! and I am now wearing a very smart short v neck robe around the house some..which deeply concerns my cat Roscoe who said: " we arent gonna play Brokeback Mt around here cause if so..I am packing..!"

Testostrone is like an old friendd who took you to seedy bars down dark allys and sketchy surf breaks in mexico and encouraged you to drink and consort with tatted womens...but you still kinda like him and secretly cant wait to get back in the harness with him..!

@brianjarvis "But, she did joke that I started watching too much Hallmark Channel on TV!"

Yeah, I did watch a lot of Hallmark movies on TV my first 3 years on ADT. My brain told me they were silly, but my heart found them strangely appealing. 🙂

Side note: many of them are actually filmed in Canada (mainly Ontario and BC), standing in for U.S. cities and small towns. Quite a few have scenes shot in walking distance of my house. I figure the year-round Christmas-ornament store in my neighbourhood probably stays in business supplying their set dressers (or else it's a drug front 🤷).

@zzotte
I'm happy to hear you are doing well. Positivity and gratitude are vital in the journey - and I know this, but sometimes my energy collapses. My husband has to be forced to walk and exercise, but I can tell he feels better when he does move. His eating is not always the best - sausage and hideous processed meats are his dream foods.
It's a learning curve, but I really appreciate this forum. Take care!