1. < Aging Well

How do you deal with aging?

Posted by prcrowe @prcrowe, Jan 1 10:04pm

How do you emotionally handle aging and knowing that you only have a limited number of years left in your life? I'm turning 80 years old in 5 months, am in quite good health, work fulltime, and am incredibly grateful for the life I have. But, I find myself obsessed with the thought that I only have "x" amount of years left in my life. I've never figured out how to live one day at a time. Any suggestions from those of you around my age or older would be SO appreciated! (I'm "kind of" spiritual, but not really religious so that's not something that seems to help with my fear.)

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cekkk | @cekkk | Sep 21 11:07pm

I'm pushing 82 and have my problems but nothing that's going to kill me. My wife is very healthy and with only fatigue for a problem. Our 3 daughters are all retired before 50 although one continues to be far more active in her own company than she originally intended. Hi , biggest concern is how many more years we can maintain our own home. Everyone of the girls would be happy to take us in but we can't imagine doing that. So we will just take it day by day and see what comes up in the future. My current and really only regret is my inability to travel. We should be cruising 3 or 4 times a year. If I had any sense, I would acquiesce to using one of those battery operated scooters.But right now i'm just not down for that.

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prcrowe | @prcrowe | Sep 21 11:38pm

May I make a suggestion? If you have the opportunity to travel, even if it means using a scooter, do it! Our daughter and son-in-law so wanted to travel as soon as she retired, but put it off because he wasn't feeling well enough. Tragically, they both died completely unexpectedly this year -- our son-in-law in February & our daughter July 4th. It has definitely shocked my husband and me into the realization that none of us are promised tomorrow. I'm going to retire from a 42 year career that I've loved and we're going to make travel plans -- even if the trips aren't long, costly distances. You're welcome to tell your wife that an 80 year old woman on the Mayo Clinic website told you that you really should do some traveling with her while you have the opportunity! 🙂

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brandysparks | @brandysparks | Sep 22 5:03am
In reply to @sisyphus "Sometimes -- as in my case, an octogenarian -- one may not have friends, Despite Seriously..." + (show)
@sisyphus

Sometimes -- as in my case, an octogenarian -- one may not have friends, Despite Seriously following avenues that promise a friend-connection, for the last few years, and rather 'obsessively' over the last year. Yesterday I came to realize that the local Alzheimer's Society where I have gone twice is not going to work. But I also had a few more places that I have joined and feeling the vibes if they offer what I am looking for: a mutually rewarding social connection that allows growth intellectually: cognitively engaging pursuits. But I'd not pass up just because someone is 'not of 'right' sex, age, marital status or ability in some respect (as we All are 'disabled' from someone's perspective!) because for friendship to flourish the only thing that matters is Mutual recognition that the other provides about equal value to our lives,

Tomorrow I am attending two groups of people who belong to retired people "whose love of learning grows with age" (I'm blown away with this stance on aging!). I've already attended two of this group's on different interests and one seems promising. I have hope for the two tomorrow. Hope is all I can have to look forward to the days I have on this planet. After all, Is there an alternative to a (good) life Without friend?
(I'm sure Aristotle would agree with me; his big on it)

I hope you have better luck finding your friends.

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@sisyphus = Curious about what groups these are that caught your interest, and if they're anything I might find myself (whether online or in my locale)...[Coming from your mention: "Tomorrow I am attending two groups of people who belong to retired people "whose love of learning grows with age"].

LOVE learning!! The more variety, the better, for me!

Thank you.

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1 reply
gravity3 | @gravity3 | Sep 22 6:15am

Just in case: is everyone aware of OLLI - Osher Lifelong Learning Institute
Available through many colleges/universities.

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cmdw2600 | @cmdw2600 | Sep 22 6:50am
In reply to @cekkk "I'm pushing 82 and have my problems but nothing that's going to kill me. My wife..." + (show)
@cekkk

I'm pushing 82 and have my problems but nothing that's going to kill me. My wife is very healthy and with only fatigue for a problem. Our 3 daughters are all retired before 50 although one continues to be far more active in her own company than she originally intended. Hi , biggest concern is how many more years we can maintain our own home. Everyone of the girls would be happy to take us in but we can't imagine doing that. So we will just take it day by day and see what comes up in the future. My current and really only regret is my inability to travel. We should be cruising 3 or 4 times a year. If I had any sense, I would acquiesce to using one of those battery operated scooters.But right now i'm just not down for that.

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My husband and I have made one trip out of the country together (Italy) seven years ago. It truly was life changing and I reminisce about it frequently. Since then, I had cancer and he developed Parkinson’s. I so wish we would have explored more of the United States and beyond while it was easier.

He, like you, does not want to use walking poles or other aids so here we are. If you really have interest in traveling while you still can, I suggest finding methods to do so even if you may appear elderly.

Best wishes,
Cindy

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1 reply
mitfit | @mitfit | Sep 22 7:51am
In reply to @mydogsbestfriend "My one regret ( which is minor) is I have no real close friends. Worked with..." + (show)
@mydogsbestfriend

My one regret ( which is minor) is I have no real close friends. Worked with 99% men in all my jobs, women were either married, much older or did not have my interests. At those times ( working) the younger ones’ main interests were dating, going out to bars looking for guys, having kids ( they were single) etc. Just wasn’t my thing. But now I value my time wisely and I’m thankful for being mostly healthy and mobile.

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This is a situation for many career women. I am like you. Acquaintances but no close friends.

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kcfmeier | @kcfmeier | Sep 22 8:31am
In reply to @mitfit "This is a situation for many career women. I am like you. Acquaintances but no close..." + (show)
@mitfit

This is a situation for many career women. I am like you. Acquaintances but no close friends.

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I have the same problem. Went to college far away from my home town and didn’t make any close friends. I thought I would but didn’t.

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cindyc | @cindysummit | Sep 22 8:35am
In reply to @edsutton "We can loosely group our mental experiences into two major realms. One is all our thoughts..." + (show)
@edsutton

We can loosely group our mental experiences into two major realms.
One is all our thoughts and feelings about the outer world, the "not me" world.
The other is all our thoughts and feelings about ourselves, the "me" world and how I fit (or don't fit) in the "not me" world.

It seems that this discussion concerns the "me" world, as this is where most of our difficult emotions occur.
Perhaps the most important self-management skill is remembering that all emotions pass if we let them, even the most painful.
But the "me" world is also where our many wonderful emotions occur. We can learn to wait for them and savor them.

For me, it has been necessary to learn that there is no perfect, always feel good fix to the flow of my moods. I can, however, usually observe them with a certain wry enjoyment. I can wink at myself.

Finally, there are the moments when the boundaries between the "me" and "not me" worlds temporarily open:
-Really good friends with whom we can sometimes share some of the "me" world feelings! Wow!
-Special moments with nature and art when our hearts open to the wonder of something "other" out there.
-And for some of us, non-verbal muscle-to-muscle, nerve to nerve connections we may feel with our lovers...and our pets!

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@edsutton So beautifully written I love the positivity...real not toxic that you convey. I also live how you find hidden gifts. I , too, receive the ones nature offers!

Thank you for your post.

Enjoy your day.
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kcfmeier | @kcfmeier | Sep 22 8:49am

I think there is a definite difference between being spiritual and having a religion. I am Catholic and believe that God created the universe including us. Therefore, God will be with us when we die and have a place for us then.

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thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | Sep 22 9:12am

I am reading all these opinions on September 22nd. In five days (September 27th) I will be 90 years old. Probably the oldest amongst you. I don't think I am handling anything. My attitude is it is what it is. In the grocery store yesterday I was chatting with this man in the produce section. He was in an electric cart. He was only 80 years old. He did not believe me when I told him how old I was going to be in such a short while. I am extremely fortunate and I am keenly aware of this. I do not have dementia. I do not have any of the diseases that are common for people my age. I live alone. I can drive - even at night and on the freeway. I do not have to take a lot of medications. But this I know. As we reach our 90th decade the body starts to wear out. I am not afraid of dying. My beloved husband has been gone for three years and it still hurts like hell. I have no backup support. When I say I live alone that is exactly how I feel. So I just go along from day to day knowing that the time is slowly growing short. All arrangements have been made.

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