How do I make anything work in this world?

I have the weirdest life. I've been afforded the opportunities, over the last 15 or so years, to really turn my life around. I'm 54 now and over this time I have accomplished more than most others could ever dream. The problem is that, in spite of gargantuan effort, nothing I do gains traction and nothing I do seems good enough for the world. Not really; I get good reviews, great reviews, yet I never get any traction, I can't seem to find my place or get on the merry-go-round.

I graduated summa cum laude, but can't get a job interview in spite of massive experience. I've had two albums named album of the year by distinguished critics, yet I cant get on a label or properly promote myself. I made a feature-length film, completely by myself, yet I can't even get a job as a production assistant. I wrote and illustrated a children's book, nobody cares. Wrote a self-help book for creatives, nobody cares. I've made tons of art, including for charities, nobody cares. I've done lots of volunteer work. On and on and on.

I recently was my mom's at-home hospice caregiver. That was quite an ordeal. After she passed I got covid, then the following weekend I found out I lost my job. Now this was an amazing gig taking photos; roughly $120/hour, work whenever I wanted. I wasn't rich as the hours were few, but it afforded me the time to work on my stuff. The people for whom I worked wanted me to take over when they retired later this year, only for us to find out the company for whom we worked was switching to generic corporate-produced marketing materials. I went from thinking that, after my mom passed, I would be OK and I could buy her house ... to losing my job and my home, to having my entire future thrown into complete chaos.

At this house, I made a giant difference. I saved my mom's life twice, otherwise she'd have been gone long ago. I also discovered faulty wiring in the ceiling that would've caused the house to burn down, according to the electrician who fixed it; another house down the street did burn down with the same wiring. I got the city to repair the erosion damage in the arroyo behind the house that they caused by years of removing vegetation. I did the research necessary to show my mom's lawyer how to get a title in another state transferred. Last but not least, for the last 3 1/2 years I lived my mom's life with her, as she could not drive. Every single luncheon, walk, trip, doctor visit, trip to the ER in the middle of night, everything, I did all of it. And I took care of this house and everything in it and around it.

Now, going back the 15 year thing ... this was my attempt to reclaim my life, to turn things around, and to live up to my potential. To improve myself personally, professionally, creatively, spiritually, everything. I made great strides and I truly believed I was on the right path. But after all of this, I apparently have hellish karma or fate. I say this because the end outcome of all this effort is not a better life, but a complete and total train wreck. I can't replace the photo gig, which means I will lose all my time in a new job that literally pays a small fraction of what I was making. Because of this I can't keep my home.

I do not understand what else on Earth I can possibly do. Even more regular jobs that pay decently, I can't get an interview. Believe me, I have been trying for years. I've even had help working on my resume. No matter what I do in music, art, film, writing, or professionally, nothing in this world is ever allowed to actually work. It is always the same story: a hint of light and hope followed by something not working out. I spite of trying to operate with joy and gratitude, I sincerely feel like I am in some sort of hell. I can't do this any more. I don't want to do this any more. My life should be good right now and instead it is more of a train wreck than ever, all without me having done anything wrong ... all why trying to improve myself. This life just makes no sense at all and I don't see the point of being in a world that doesn't want me. I hate typing this, but I don't want to do this anymore. I don't need help. I don't need medication. What I need is for one thing to work in my favor rather than me spinning my wheels. Apparently I am asking for too much.