House Downsizing

At my husband’s insistence, we hired an organizer at our last place because a friend of his did and loved it. I had already done a lot of our “downsizing” myself - just removing lifetime of no-longer-displayed pictures out of all the frames that they were in and boxing just photos and donating hundreds of frames saved many feet and POUNDS of space. But the organizer added value by physically pulling things out, boxing like items, purchasing nice shelving trays and storage containers, making us make spot decisions on Keep, Toss, or Donate. Our pantry, laundry room, and closets were wonderful - I loved what she did, you could showcase it! It made my mind feel lighter! But my husband HATED it. He is 18 years older than I am and his memory is failing. Despite me making sure all boxes and trays were labeled, it frustrated him as the change was too much for him to handle. The swearing that came out of his mouth for the remaining 6 months we lived there with him struggling to find things in their new places was not worth it. The best thing was when we moved, and he could put things back where he wanted things, however disorganized it is. I am so happy it was his idea to hire the organizer like the Jones’s did, not me! I guess I’m saying you need to make sure you’re able to accept the changes, otherwise it might not be worth the frustration. I do think we thinned some things out though to make it easier for whoever is left to clean up our estate one day!

This is a good topic, folks! It is really about LETTING GO. My husband and I went through this 14 years ago when we moved from California to Oregon and we had much less storage space in our new home. So, it took a lot of time but then we had no outside organizer, except my daughter, who did this for a living, and a friend, who had a natural talent for it, and accompanied us to our new home and helped us with the move.
And now, we are faced with the same issue, not because we are moving, but because we do not want to burden our grown children with sifting through too much, or giving away or discarding what they might want, or keeping for them what they do not want. We used the workbook "Who Gets Grandma's Yellow Pie Plate" and asked them to say what they want, and also asked ourselves what we wanted each to have. Then we knew what was left to sell, donate, or discard and can use the help of an organizer. My daughter, the organizer, now lives across the country, so we will have to find another nearby, since this is not something I am good at or have the energy for, though my husband is better at it but thinks differently, of course. But at least we know the inheritance part and I hope that helps others in sorting out how to proceed.

Hi @tim1028, you may also appreciate the related discussion:

- Downsizing, to Move or Not to Move? That is the question
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/to-move-or-not-to-move-that-is-the-question/

- You may also want to check out the Aging Well support group
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/aging-well/.

We are doing the same thing. We find the older we get, the less we need. Chances are, we will pass away before the kids and it's less things for them to have to go through and discard. Here are some things that help us to "minimize":

1) If you haven't worn it in 1-2 years....donate it.
2) If it's a book you will never read again....donate it.
3) When you buy a new tie....get rid of an old tie.
4) Shred receipts/documents/taxes that are at least 7 years old. Bank statements too.
5) Go through old pictures and if you have duplicates, give them away or toss them.
6) If the kids don't won't it....donate it.
7) Get rid of old newspapers, old magazines, old cards, etc.....except the ones that have great sentimental value.
8) If you have something someone gave you and they have passed away, but, you never use the item, remember, the ITEM will not replace the memory of the person. You have precious memories of that person to hold on to.
9) If you get Christmas gifts, birthday gifts, etc., that you will never use, donate them.
10) You only need so many sets of sheets, towels, etc., Donate the rest.
11) Rescue Missions will usually pick up furniture that you want to get rid of and they appreciate the donations!
12) Ladies, if you have costume jewelry that you never wear, see if the grandkids want it....if not...donate it.
13) It's tempting to buy extra of things that are on sale like paper towels, toilet paper...but, this can really take up a lot of room. Buy what you need and maybe one extra.
14) How many pairs of shoes do we really wear? Donate the ones you don't wear.
15) Most of us wear the same clothes all the time. When something starts looking "frumpy"....toss it.
16) Old CDs, cassette tapes, DVD movies that you never will watch again.....donate them.
17) Do you have a lot of "what nots" sitting around that's too much to dust anymore? Keep your favorites and give the others away.
18) Too many sets of dishes. I find that more than 2 sets is too much. Donate them.
17) IMPORTANT: Make a copy of your drivers license, credit card, insurance card, etc., or whats of value in your wallet and put in a safety deposit box. If you lose your wallet, you will have copies of pertinent information and you can shut down your credit card immediately. Also, have your will in a safety deposit box or a place where the kids or someone else knows where it is at.

I hope this helps. God Bless You Greatly!

Great tips! Somehow we have to tell the people in our lives to stop giving us “things”. We don’t need more coffee cups, knickknacks, and picture frames. It’s mostly our younger people giving us somewhat personalized things that we need to keep because you can’t donate items with pictures of your grandkids or their handprints on them. We even have their pictures on throws, towels, and ill-fitting t-shirts. We don’t need more home decorations - they even think we should add their mismatched pictures to our walls of themed and properly spaced artwork. Yet my husband feels we have to pull things out whenever they come twice a year so we don’t hurt their feelings. I’d love to hear how to tactfully get rid of that clutter…

My dad died they lived in Arizona and rest of family lives in Minnesota. Mom made decision to move back to Mn and live in my house. House in Az had lots of stuff and a couple of professional estate sale people said not worth their time to have a sale. Mom for the next couple of months sorted, boxed and piled stuff for an estate sale. She had sale with help of her freinds made a thousand bucks realized it was not worth it. Got a moving container for stuff she wanted. Paid for 4000 lbs, we they delivered to my house it had 6500 lbs of stuff. 2 years have gone by and not many boxes have been opened. Family and myself dread when mom passes and we have to go thru those boxes. So my advice is take 1 room at a time make it fun and go thru it, your treasures that give you pleasure might not have same effect on family. Get rid of stuff that's not needed sort to have a list if people will inherit items less fighting that way. Good luck it may seem like its overwhelming so just go slow and keep at it. I wish you luck Dave

Hi there Debbie.....and others facing this same situation. I sold my home in the CA mountains very quickly. Even with a closure extension, I only had 3 days to completely remove everything that had accumulated over the 23 years I lived there. My friends were amazingly helpful. I had owned a contemporary art gallery so the entire house was pretty well detailed.

We had been at the Mayo Clinic for 30 days of proton therapy for my partner. That left us 3 days to evacuate completely. So......when I saw a couple of friends going through the jewelry I was shocked and then I let go and celebrated that they would enjoy wearing it.

So what has been so difficult? Letting go......not just of the items but the memories. I was moving into a home in MN that had 5 bedrooms on 7 acres. What we did was make room for my very special items.....clothes, art pieces, and a few furniture items.

It has been five years since relocating. Finally, I feel totally at home. I think this was the only time I have appreciated a bit of memory loss. The only thing I cannot do.......is review the photos of the house taken by the photographer when it was listed on the market.

One other thing kept jumping into my mind. I was given a special shirt, embroidered with my name for raising money at an event I created called, "Christmas Eve for the Animals." We had a foster organization and a no-kill shelter. I decided to honor them on Christmas Eve for several years. They responded with gratitude.

The good news. My friend who was helping me go through closets, saw the look on my face when she held up the shirt. I knew I had to let it go ....it wasn't necessary. However, I missed it terribly. A couple of months ago, I confessed to my friend, and lo and behold, she told me she had it in her closet because she knew I really didn't want to let it go. Five years. And now it is back in my closet and I love wearing it.

Good luck with your transition. It is okay to let your heart rule once in a while.
Chris

I love your tips provided! Very helpful and inspires self reflection.

We moved to a smaller house after my husband retired 2 years ago.

Everyday I wake up saying I am going to get rid of stuff still packed in boxes and things unpacked that I have not looked at for years. Guess what, as we use to say as kids, “Chicken Butt” lol, I never go through with it.

My husband ask often when will I start getting rid of my stuff. I always reply, “Don’t worry about my stuff get rid of yours.” (Sassy Sarcasm)

You know humans accumulate things over the years because at the earlier seasons of our lives those things were useful serving their purposes at the time.

I read the Bible and for those who read the Bible or listened to religious programs will understand my next thought on my situation. (I am Not Advocating Religion just working things out to help me let go and move on. Use your own philosophical perspective.)

For me two scriptures come to mine. Exodus 20:3–6
You shall have no other gods before me.

and

1 John 5:21
Little children, keep yourselves from idols.

Looking deeper inside my heart today, I feel my circumstances mimicked one of the Ghost characters in the movie, “A Christmas Carol.”

The ghost of Jacob Marley said, "I wear the chain I forged in life. I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it.” (Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol)

Wow! So true to my life as it is now!!

I realize that I forged a chain of things I no longer use, need, or even want. The chain link is connected to my soul by a ball stemming from past feelings evoked by tenderness, nostalgia, sadness or happy memories and are weighing me down.

I don’t want to continue on this ball and chain journey weighing me down from moving forward.

I’m just standing still being a procrastinator living in complacency and complaining about how bad or unhappy I am surrounded by all this stuff. I’m not just affected by my ordeal but my beautiful husband also who have issues with clutter is suffering.

We are both in our sixties and we know that like all humans we will fly away to the other side one day.

So, the remaining days the God Lord gives us together needs to be unhindered, unfettered, and chain free from anything or anyone holding us back from living a loving, stress free, joyful and peaceful life within our means.

So, I will start today on my journey of healing of letting go of not just things but the past seasons of my life that cannot be relived and move forward in the future that never stops.

Today I choose to be a better me and enjoy God’s gift of life. I am so glad I am mentally free. I will be getting rid of things day by day until they are gone. I will sell some stuff and I am not waiting on kids to decide if and when they want something. They have good jobs to buy their hearts desires. There are poor and needy people who can use it.

Good bye material idols!!! God forgive me for making gods out of material things and human beings. 🙏

I apologize to anyone in advance who may be annoyed my lengthy soul searching reflections written in this comment.

“In all your getting get understanding,” as it does help us to make better informed decisions about our circumstances and lives.
I hope my purging will help someone today.

Happy Letting Go Everyone! 🍻

I've labeled shelves and cupboards. But, I believe there is a benefit to having less clutter and fewer visual items out and about. Organizing is hard work: best idea is to hire someone to work with you and your current thinking processes. In my opinion, a plan for each room, separating items by category and limiting work time to about 2-3 hours a day is a good idea.

This is outstanding!! I also have sold items that were important to me that the kids do not want, but it can get overwhelming if there is a lot.