Help me explain to friends why i often have to cancel plans

@tripp7
Oh my, I am sorry you are going through such physical pain.

From what you wrote, they get upset when you make plans for the group, and you cancel because you’re not feeling well.

How about letting them make all the plans. That way, if you can not attend they can still do their thing.

You said they are much younger than you by about 20 years. What about finding friends who are closer to your age? I’m wondering how there is such an age gap yet, you and they have things in common.
I don’t think I personally relate as friends with people 20+ older than me, and visa versa.

Please,I’m not trying to insult you or your friends, but if that’s how they are treating you, perhaps it’s time for you to move on from them.

Thank you for your services! First, pain is no friend to take to a party. It takes the fun out of walking, talking and simply enjoying anything at anytime!
You do need to simply tell your friends/family or whoever that you are physically not able to attend various functions and try not to feel ashamed of it.
I was injured in late 86, and it took 3 years to get back to my work, fixing vehicles. But I worked thru it and the Dr told me it would return with onset arthritis, boy he was right.
I understand a predisposition to genetic spine issues is a real tough one but has an anesthesiologist suggested a neurosurgeon try a pain pump trial? They target one area and inject a cocktail of their choosing at the highest level of pain to reduce swelling of the inflammation of the muscles between the disc? It moves thru the spinal cord fluid inside the epidural sack. It has a possibility of reaching a large area with “Micro-Doses” of pain killing meds with anti-inflammatory agents. This is a start.
I go absolutely no where from my house as much as I would like. It’s like carrying an extra 100 lbs on your back and wears you out! No fun there, right?
God bless, I wish you the best and I truly hope you investigate, ask questions and push doctors to help be making suggestions to get you even 50% relief from the hell. Everyone deserves to have a life. The strangest thing that happened was a tv commercial where a lady had a wonderful “Laugh”! Don’t get me wrong, I have been married 44+ years but a “Cerebral Response” I never expected happened! I enjoyed the laugh and started laughing myself at the stupid things every day! It works..
I open a cupboard to get a water glass and things fall out like a Booby Trap! I laughed at it!!! I opened the freezer and hit my elbow and Laughed at it!!
Over and over, life’s everyday stupid stuff that happens, I now laugh at it!!
I was trying to put a leg into my thermal britches and a toe caught and found myself dancing around trying to fix it, I simply said out loud to myself, I am doing a “Pee-Pee Dance” & again started laughing. Try it. Talk to an empty room, laugh when stupid stuff happens yet move forward when it comes to drs. My grandson was a Marine, now a police officer. What is the saying? “Adjust, Adapt and Overcome” Damn Straight!
DK, Omaha

Im very sorry you are living a life where pain rules your life. i am in the same situation and finally reached the same point before a large family reunion around a family member's wedding on the other side of the country. i knew that the plane trip alone would leave me in a lot of pain and 6 days of parties, ceremonies etc were more than i could handle. So I sent a text message to everyone in advance that if I left events early, arrived late or was a no-show, it wasn’t because I was anti-social or mad at anybody but I just have to lay down on my heat pad frequently and I just couldn’t function otherwise. Everyone seemed to understand and I didn’t feel like I was constantly trying to push through the pain. Unfortunately, unless you’ve experienced chronic acute pain, most people don’t realize how debilitating it can be. I hope your friends will be more understanding. Take care of yourself.

I am sorry for all here and around the world who live with this curse they call chronic pain. It is like living hell on earth. I have lived with chronic pain for over 22 years. Mine started with simple spinal spasms to doctor after doctor misdiagnosing me until the one doctor paralyzed my left leg I finally quit relying on myself and begin relying on God for help and begin receiving better doctors and tools to be ahead of this curse. I’m still in chronic pain but now live with a back stimulator and some RX and modified my way of living. I live a very recluses or hermit lifestyle because chronic pain still calls the shots. I refuse to constantly repeat myself over and over . I too have PTSD but that was handed to me by to amazing unloving alcoholic parents. So I can’t blame chronic pain but CP does pile its’ poo onto it. But, I have only one set of friends and when they invite me to supper they understand I sit on the floor and I bring my service dog. Why the floor you ask I am fused L4-S-1. I think all CP patients eventually become a little off or recluse. It takes a certain type of folks to live with this curse. May God Bless everyone and those of you that are lucky enough to have someone in your life to take care of you. You see CP too my marriage and my adult children too. When I became a recluse I shutdown I didn’t know how to explain or verbalize what was happening to me. I shutdown I didn’t want to burden anyone so I lost them.

A spouse can’t see pain, just the same guy who has fixed everything around the house plus cars in the driveway. Chronic pain sucks but Dr. have gate keepers who shoot down low income guys like me long before I can ever get an appointment. During my visits to the Dr who did my spinal cord stimulator, his waiting room was empty! Wait time to go in was quick but leaving the waiting room was still empty. Omaha is larger than St. Louis and my daughter in-law worked the desk at this other clinic with 3 Dr’s doing pain problems. She told me that hours daily passed with nobody for patients & no calls. This city has 5 medical training colleges and covered with Dr’s who do back surgeries or neurologist who do necks down to legs, yet I can’t get in as I am turned down. If I ask how much a pain pump cost, they tell me to call my insurance to ask them. She had no clue as billing is typically done by a 3rd party company in another state. The insurance company is no help as they could only guess! I can’t give as I have too much I want to do… like stand, sleep you know, little things like that!
Happy holidays and merry Christmas! We will be at home with a pizza! No gifts…

have you tried getting a social worker to help you?

The shift from spouse to care giver is hard. Often shifts to parent role with loss of intimacy. Good friends will,survive the test on time. Casual friends will,not indure

It is about YOu. True friends will support you. We only socialize in our yard. Open air and full support

This is a daily life. I've not been able to make plans for anything other than Dr appointments for last few years. If they are truly your friends they could come to your house and understand your conditio. If you need to go to bed for a while or if your not able to proticipatein activities but would be glad just to be there. If you can send them information on your issues they may understand much more.

I think sometimes friends want to help but just don’t know quite what to say or do. My teacher friends still always include me and maybe once a year I’ll
manage to join them. I tell them I am most unreliable now due to being my husband’s care giver and dealing with my own lung and other health issues. I am always glad when I can make it out to see them, and they get it. And I’m thrilled to have a handicap placard! Never thought I’d say that! I know it isn’t easy and hopefully you can get some part time help . Your mental health will be better . Good luck. Irene5