Help finding a positive attitude

Some of that positive attitude stuff we hear as cancer patients really pisses me off. Many people use the belief that a “positive attitude makes all the difference in the world” to stifle some really dark horrible terrifying feelings. I think we need the space to feel whatever we feel and to express those feelings and to be heard by friends and family as scary as that may be for them. Here is a post I just shared on Facebook with my friends and family. I have been very open and honest about my personal experience in the hopes that I can educate others about what it means to really be there for us as we go through this. Perhaps you might find some hope in these words. I, too, went to a very dark place during my first chemo drug. It really changed my brain chemistry.

Almost one year to the day of my surgery I have finally experienced a few moments of genuine happiness. A few moments of not being terrified for my life and my kids in every waking moment. A few nights of only waking once or twice in full on panic. A few moments of not being consumed by fear of hidden cancer cells and recurrence and a shortened life of pain and suffering.

To all those in the “club” who assured me that it would get a little easier with each passing year, I thank you! I have held onto that hope so tightly to get me here. Although my treatment will continue for many more years, I am hopeful that the worst of it is behind me.

To others who are just starting on this horrible, terrifying, painful journey I offer you this post as hope that the fear that may now consume your every moment will ease-no matter how impossible that feels right now. The journey, whatever path you choose, will be worth it. You are worth it. I am worth it. Our surgical scars, our chemo wrinkles, our radiation tattoos and discoloration map our journey and showcase our strength.

Perhaps in our lifetime there will be a cure or a full understanding of what causes this disease and a global commitment to eradicate the causes. Until then we make the choices that are best for us and count on love and support to buoy us up through the real shit parts. Thanks to everyone who has offered me support this past year. I couldn’t have done it without you.

I have stage 4 ER positive HERS negative. I look at each day as a blessing, those days might be fewer than I’d like but I have as many as I am blessed with & want to make them count. Some days may be harder than others but I am blessed to be alive with thought & mobility. As I go about my day I always find there is someone less blessed than me, whether they have no arms, legs or are struggling with the challenges of diseases like MS, it reminds me of my blessings, no matter how many, today, I can articulate my words & move my body to build a positive memory to all those I meet throughout my day. God has blessed me with another day, for that I stay on the positive side. I send my wish that you lay your head down tonight knowing you are blessed & that you have left someone you encounter today with a positive memory.

Your attitude alone is your biggest blessing! Prayers for continued strength and encouragement. God bless you.

That is exactly what I try to do. I am blessed with a family that is quite supportive, but I also have a strong faith in God. While I am not a church goer, I have always had my conversations with him. During my second chemo round whereupon I was quite frightened from the outcome, I woke up in the middle of the night hearing a voice telling me "I will be with you constantly." On my third round I woke up in the middle of the night hearing "Have patience." Since that time, I have been calm and when I am in doubt, I tell my self, I will be with you constantly and have patience. I am also starting a Mindfulness Meditation practice that will be 8 weeks and am finding that that is also quite calming as well as walking in my neighborhood -- am having a bit of trouble with my balance so take my trusty hiking sticks to keep me upright! All the best to all of you in this group -- take one day at a time and look forward, not backward.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. It is a weird comfort to me knowing that you and possibly others have felt or feel the same fears and have the same emotions. Thank you for having the courage to post real feelings on Facebook, it is so easy to try and cover those feelings and pretend that we are coping well.
I know that this journey brings many different emotions and hopefully this is a phase that will pass as time moves on. I take encouragement from people who have walked this path and made it through the other side. Thank you

Thank you for your wise words and your courage and strength. I will make a move towards your way of thinking and be thankful that I am able to get up, move around and have my own mind. Thank you

Good morning and thank you for your reply. I am a woman of faith and that does help me although it brings its own challenges too. I have taken a lot of comfort in God’s word, at times I have felt his presence strongly and at other times feel quite alone. I too force myself to walk in my neighborhood and try to appreciate each moment. It is scary for me that these negative feelings can get such a hold as I do consider myself to be a strong person with a positive attitude. I am hoping a lot of it is a side effect of the chemo. I will continue to pray for courage and strength for myself and others going through this horrible journey.

Good morning to you all. I too have been fighting depression and fear. Sometimes you feel so alone. I'm so glad I found this forum. I live in a very isolated area of our province so haven't access to groups or councillors si it helps to read that others feel the fear same as me. I'm trying so hard to be positive but it's so so hard. Hang in there everyone. I will try to practice what I preach.

@trixie1313 My Faith has helped to sustain me since my diagnosis. I am so Thankful to have a Pastor who also supports Mental Health Counseling. I have been in counseling through Mayo. I just had a wonderful Mindfulness Consultation this morning. The Breast Clinic at Mayo scheduled i.

Hope you’re doing good today. This disease does this. Take care of yourself. 💓