Health anxiety is crippling me

Wow, so I assume you work full time and have full time custody of three kids? When I went through my divorce, I took care of two kids (7 and 9 when separation began) 5 days a week. I wouldn’t say I had clinical anxiety but I found life incredibly overwhelming. I had cervical neck issues and pain as well, which limited my functional ability which only heightened my anxiety. I was clinically depressed and saw a therapist 3 x week for many months. I read loads of books about sbeing a single parent. Some of the books had good “cheats” that helped save time. I wish I could remember them to share. Also had an acrimonious divorce that only made life harder.

What I’m trying to say is that a lot of anxiety is to be expected in this situation. If you had an anxiety disorder before this, I can’t imagine the anxiety you must be experiencing.

How old are the kids? Are they at different schools, which can make things harder? Do you have a good relationship with the ex? Is the divorce finalized or is this still a source of stress. Also, most people have to learn to live with less money after a divorce, adding to the stress.

It took me 5 years to become acclimated to my new roles and life position after my divorce. Now I am at the point where life seems normal. So take comfort that you are going through a lot of transitions that will improve.

Here’s what helped me.

Frequent visits to my much loved and understanding PCP. I took benzodiazepines (Valium) for a very short period while we tried several meds. I finally landed on a combination of cymbalta (an antidepressant that also helps with anxiety and pain) and Wellbutrin (I’m not sure if Wellbutrin is strictly an antidepressant or if it also helps with anxiety). But there are many good meds, take advantage of them. Most are generic, they won’t cost an arm and a leg. I also took valerian root before bed, it’s more of a general relaxant. I tried many herbal remedies, this is the one that worked best for me. You could ask your doc or try to find a reputable herbal store and discuss with employees.

Getting enough sleep is paramount, for me anyway. What I did was, regardless of if the kitchen was clean or other household chores were complete, when I took the kids upstairs to bed, I never allowed myself to go back downstairs. I did this to ensure I got to sleep early.

Another thing to consider is that maybe your anxiety is in part how your body reacts to depression. Consider asking your PCP for a depression screen. There are also quizzes online that may help.

I started exercising. Gradually increased to an hour a day. It helped tremendously. The days I didn’t work out or had a bad day, I could really tell. I had a flexible enough work schedule that after I took the kids to the bus, I exercised before work. I went to a gym to work out about the same time everyday. So a lot of the same people were there, and though I didn’t make friends, I made a lot of acquaintances, and it seemed to me that having people around who didn’t know my gory, gossip ridden divorce was helpful.

I found an excellent babysitter. For a long time I felt guilty, but now I realize it’s important to your self care to have some ‘you time’

My ex and I were on horrible terms. I learned through therapy how to disengage and not let him bait me into arguments. At times I blocked his number.

I started meditating. At first I did this with a group. I made some good friends.

I took all the help that friends and family offered.

Cannabis is reported to be helpful but I never felt comfortable with the idea of being “high” with kids in the house.

Also remember to cut yourself a break. You don’t have to be perfect at work. And there’s no such thing as a perfect parent. Just shower the kids with love, they may be hurting too.

@jcarver1349
I am so sorry you are dealing with this on top of all of your responsibilities. I can’t imagine how you are juggling it all.

I am a single parent of a teen son and pretty much on my own (no child support, coparenting, extended family support, etc.) plus I have spine issues, chronic pain and anxiety/depression/panic attacks. My son also has health issues of his own (he also has anxiety/panic attacks).

Your cervical spine issues are behind a lot of your symptoms. I have congenital spinal stenosis and diagnosed with degenerative cervical myelopathy which is spinal cord compression/flattening injury. I have degenerative disc disease, osteophytes/bone spurs, radiculopathy to arms/hands, etc.

My symptoms before my first ACDF surgery on C5-C6 (2022), I had daily headaches, tinnitus, hearing loss, neck/shoulder pain/pressure, weakness/numbness in arms/hands that affected grip/handwriting (would drop things a lot), bladder control issues and walking difficulty (felt like legs were slow/heavy/uncoordinated). I also had balance issues. In 2025, I had ACDF surgery on C6-C7.

In addition to cervical spine, I had pain/weakness/numbness from low back/hips/buttocks down legs to feet due to severe spinal stenosis, degenerative disc disease, spondylolisthesis (vertebrae slipping over another vertebrae), and neurogenic claudication so I had decompression surgery L3-L5 in 2024.

If you need surgery, it is better to do sooner rather than later to stop the progression of the disease and injury. Long term compression can cause permanent injury and I am dealing with this now due to delayed diagnosis of degenerative cervical myelopathy (took over 4 years and 4 different orthopedic spine specialists/surgeons to get properly/clearly diagnosed). I had to fire my one female primary doctor because she treated me like a hypochondriac and ignorant/rude/arrogant and clueless about how myelopathy can affect the whole body below the level of cervical spine compression. After my surgeries, many symptoms improved, including reduction of daily headaches and anxiety/panic attacks. I do have residual spinal cord/nerve damage which causes me weakness in shoulders/arms/hands and buttocks/hips/hip flexors plus some nerve pain. My nerve pain may be due to longterm compression, injury during surgery, scar tissue formation after surgery and/or new compression.

I am currently taking Wellbutrin/bupropion for major depression and it took a while to adjust dosage but it is helping. I am currently taking 450mg daily. I take Tylenol for pain which only helps a little. I cannot take NSAIDs due to stomach issues (gastritis/esophagitis) and gabapentin/pregabalin makes me too dizzy and actually increases my nerve pain. I am scheduled for an updated MRI of my lumbar spine and will be doing physical therapy for my cervical spine to see if I can improve any muscle strength and control. I had tried spine injections and they helped initially and then stopped helping. You don’t want to have too many injections due to potential damage to joints/cartilage. Have you had any injections to help reduce pain/inflammation? Have you done physical therapy? Do you use any lidocaine patches or roll-ons on your neck for nerve pain or Voltaren gel for inflammation? Do you have ergonomic adjustments at work to ensure they support your spine?

In the past, I had taken Zoloft/sertraline for panic attacks while pregnant (hormone changes definitely affect my mental health) and Cymbalta/duloxetine for osteoarthritis/nerve pain/depression due to chronic pain and it helped for a period of time. I may go back on Cymbalta/duloxetine to see if it can help reduce my nerve pain.

Do you have a family/friend support group to help you? Does the mother of your children help at all (is she still alive) and/or her family? Do you have a coparenting arrangement at all and do you get child support if you are carrying the full load and 100% legal custody? Would an attorney be able to help change anything to get you better support?

@jcarver1349
I meant to ask you if you had an EMG/nerve conduction study of your upper limbs? What were the results? Is your C6-C7 severe spinal stenosis damaging your spinal cord and compressing nerve roots that are affecting your shoulders/arms/hands/fingers?

Any central/peripheral nervous system impact from spinal compression will compound/impact mental health/anxiety/depression.

@dlydailyhope thanks for your response. yes those results have come back as moderate in my left and right arm. I’m just having a hard time distinguishing the correlation between my head pain pressure which typically stem from the C1 through C3 vertebrae which for me are normal.

I don’t take any medication so I noticed the nerve pain being much worse when I’m in a panic or stressed mindset.

@laura1970 thanks for your response to this.

So much to unpack, but I am trying to wrap my mind around all these new physical sensations, while dealing with the emotional, depressive and changing tides.

I do feel that most of these problems have results from all personal stress and anxiety that I’ve been going through and the anxiety I have tried to protect the emotional well-being of my kids.

The problems I’ve had to do most everything by myself. Not much help from anyone and all my social circles died through this. So it plays a big role mentally when you are in Your head all day…

All my boys are teenagers and trying to get them to do anything is like pulling teeth.

I’m learning to try to take things slower in one day at a time. This has become a three year journey, trying to figure out all the difference, physical sensations that anxiety has caused.

I think you said it best with taking it one day at a time. Yes, teenagers can be tough. My son is now 22, and his behavior, though not always perfect , is much improved. I don’t think I can take much credit for, except that I let him experience the natural consequences of his actions and tried to be as supportive as possible. I think most of it was just getting through those angst ridden teen years.

Hi @jcarver1349
Today, your life is so hard from your body & mind. And having you kids inside you. I was looking at yourself that is so hard from your head down to your feet. I’m sorry BUT…

Jesus Christ would help you when you ask & believe:

“Lord God, let me believe of who you are. Help me this moment to You.” ❤️

For me, I had an accident 12 years ago and my life changed, loosing my brain-use like: memory, working at a great job, close of my master degree, helping my family to do a great future, and on… I’m back, but me life is different. And I always had believe Christ, even as a little boy. But, thankfully, Christ has changed to a stronger Christian within Him.

Bless you,
Greg D. @greg1956