Connect
Has LC decimated anyone's life?
Hello all,
I'm a 56 yr old male who's life has been decimated due to COVID
My life has been ruined and I have nothing left.
I had COVID back on February 14, 2020
It was bad and I should have gone to the hospital but was more worried about bankrupting my family. I had a small stroke and have excessive white matter on my brain.
Since then, I have suffered with extreme anxiety, fatigue, memory and cognitive issues. My ADHD symptoms are off the charts and I've been plagued with apathy towards most everything.
I owned a business and when I returned to work 4 weeks after contracting COVID, as I unlocked the door I thought to myself..."I don't feel like I can do this anymore". I brushed it off and got back to work.
Fast forward 4+years and I've lost my business, I have hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt, My alcohol use went from a couple glasses of wine in the evening to relax to drinking a 1.75 L of vodka every 24 hours. I ended up in detox 3 times. One good note...I haven't had a drink in 8 months.
The stress of not being able to run my business due to cognitive issues led to the increased drinking. The LC symptoms coupled with the drinking caused me to lose employees and clients. I was evicted from the shop I'd been on for 12 years after my landlord patiently let me get 5 months behind on rent.
I had also moved 2 hours away and was trying to move by business there. I was working and staying in a camper at my work during the week and going home to be with my wife on the weekends. Due to the issues at work I was having to stay longer and longer periods of time away from home... Trying to keep the business alive. I also lost the shop that I was moving into due to non payment.
At this point my wife thought I was cheating and trying to stay away which absolutely was not the case. I have never and would never do that to her, but can understand how it might feel that way to her.
Sorry this is so long winded...
During this downward spiral my wife had her daughter grab everything off my desk when I was in detox for the 3rd time. In the mail she discovered a letter stating that my house was about to be sold in 2 weeks due to unpaid property taxes and I was in default on business loans. I was such a mess that I had been neglecting bills and due to my cognitive issues I had actually thought that I was fairly caught up on everything but I was completely wrong.
Also during this 4-year span my wife started feeling like I didn't care about her anymore. I suffer from complete apathy towards everything, not personal towards her and was just watching my life swirl down the drain and not able to do anything about it. I did and still do care for her and love her but I definitely wasn't showing it at the time. All this led to a divorce... partially to protect her from the fallout. I love her and want to stay together but she's taken all this personally and doesn't understand that these are symptoms... Not how I really feel. She's extremely angry with me.
Also during these 4 years I lost my Mom and then 2 years later my Dad. And to top it off when my mom was in hospice dying, my only brother who I thought was not only a brother but a friend decided to tell my wife how horrible of a person he thought I was. I had no idea this is how he felt and it cut me to the core and at that point I cut him out of my life.
So here I am today.... I haven't worked in 8 months due to cognitive issues. I went from making 6 figures to basically 0. I'm on Medicaid. I'm divorced, I lost my house. I have no family or friends... Just my dogs ❤️
I'm deeply depressed, constantly fatigued, riddled with anxiety, overwhelming ADHD symptoms, suffer from sexual disfunction, extreme apathy My memory is shot. I forget things immediately. I can't think straight or figure things out. I make terrible decisions. I'm always short of breath, weak and in pain.
I've been seeing Dr's, I'm in therapy and seeing a psychiatrist. It's taken me 6 months to get an appointment at a memory clinic which is actually coming up next week Thank God. I have an appointment with neurology at the end of December. I've been praying and going to church 🙏
I feel stuck, hopeless and lost. I don't get any support from my wife(ex) just anger.
I want to be together and try to figure out how to manage my situation, with her support. I don't know what to do. I have lost everything. I feel useless as a person and as a man. I have nothing to offer. Sometimes I think I would be better off dead. I have life insurance so I know that would be beneficial to my wife (ex).
The guilt I carry is overwhelming.
If you made it to the end, I thank you for listening/reading to my story.
God bless you all
I know everyone is suffering in their own way 🙏
Like
Helpful
HugInterested in more discussions like this? Go to the Post-COVID Recovery & COVID-19 Support Group.
Connect
@papapaul
Reading this is heartbreaking. Covid destroyed you life. I wish there was someone or someplace that could be held responsible for the hell it has put some of us through, along with our families, friends, businesses and finances.
Covid left me feeling similarly to how you feel. I was lucky enough to be able to retire and collect Social Security so the financial aspect wasn't as devastating as yours is.
I'm not unapathetic, but I am very much just not interested. In friends, hobbies, taking care of my home or myself. I do love my dogs and my son has been a blessing.
I don't have any advice for you except try to see if your ex will go to counseling with you. You need a cheerleader!
Covid ruined our lives, although I am greatful to be alive after 3 weeks, intubated in ICU in 2023.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
4 ReactionsThank you for your kind words. I have suggested couples counseling/therapy many many times with no luck. She has an aversion to therapy as she is dealing with her own demons and has PTSD from the past and feels like bringing them up would be more harmful than good.
I told her we don't need to bring up the past (which I already know) unless in the moment she decides she's okay to... Let's just focus on US, in the here and now and what we can do to understand each other, move past the hurt and try to rebuild. I completely understand why she feels the way she does and I feel horribly about it. I have told her over and over it's not how I really feel...My symptoms ( apathy, depression etc) are to blame. I didn't and would never hurt her intentionally.
I know that she has PTSD from previous things in her life and had endured more emotional pain from it than anyone should. I wanted to be the one person in her life that didn't hurt her. That took care of her in every way possible, but due to an evil virus, ended up hurting her, although unintentionally.
I'm rambling again. I haven't been able to fully get my thoughts out, even in therapy. Sessions are never long enough and always get sidetracked and/or I forget what I was trying to say 😔
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsStay strong. I know it is very hard, I live with it daily. You are not alone.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
5 Reactions@papapaul, it was hard to read all that you have been through. It may not seem like it right now, but you’ve shown remarkable strength to help yourself on the road to recovery. Congratulations on not having had a drink in 8 months. You sought the help of addictions services, you are seeing a therapist and psychiatrist. This shows strength and the will to get better both mentally and physically.
It may not always feel like you’re moving forward. There will be setbacks or things might not move as fast as you want. Your health, lost relationships and loved, and finances pose hurdles to overcome. That can’t be easy. But you are doing it.
Should you need to talk to someone don’t forget that is someone standing by 24/7 on the crisis line. All you have to do is call or text 988. https://988lifeline.org/
Was it helpful to write out your story?
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
6 ReactionsMy first thought after reading what has happened to your life: When you think you have come to the end, that is the beginning.
You are taking big bold steps by cutting out an addiction for 8 months. You are in therapy. You are seeing a psychiatrist. You have lost everything. So now you are free to make a clean start with your life. You are seeing physicians about your health. Do not look back. If you do, you will only calcify and get stuck. Keep moving forward. You are making so many strides!
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
6 ReactionsThank you for the positive and uplifting words.
My biggest struggle is the fact that my cognitive issues are so severe that I am unable to work or start a new business and I don't know how to deal with that.
I've always been extremely self-sufficient -quick-minded. Now I can't remember anything I have post-it notes to remind me of post-it notes.
I truly don't know how to survive financially
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 ReactionI'm so sorry for all you've been through. Truly devastating.
Beating addiction is a huge accomplishment, so congratulations on that achievement.
I'm glad you have your dogs as companions. My girl died well before I got covid in 2020. I can still work, but it's very difficult.
My heart goes out to you. You are not alone.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsI just want to tell you how sorry I am that you’ve suffered so much and for so long! I do hope you get the help you need and once things get straightened out, maybe there is hope for you and your x. I wish you all the best and congratulations on being alcohol free for 8 months! That’s quite an accomplishment!
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsWow. I’m not the only one everyone left because they didn’t understand! They say everyone hurts. I said it’s a different kind of feeling of burning, stabbing, radiating like electric blotches of bad pain. I had just left a 24 yr marriage that I wanted rid of long before. I had never been alone. Well like you I learned lonely quickly. Everyone left me even my dog died. If someone don’t feel what we feel they have no idea. I have so many symptoms from LC 1/1/22. My hips and legs literally give out and causes me to fall so I can’t do much walking and my mind is leaving quickly this year or so. I can’t remember what I just wrote. Probably took me a hour to write this. I could read it tomorrow and not know I wrote it. It’s scary. A friend from 30 yrs ago came to see me in Feb and he’s taken care of me pretty much since. It’s the worse having been one that got it the worse. I didn’t want to live and sometimes still think I don’t. I have no life and now not even my daughter or family since they don’t believe me. If something happens to my friend (in another state working) idk what I’ll do. I hope you find some healing my friend!
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction