Fork You, Cancer: The Last Damn Thing I Can Control

Let me tell you a story.

It starts with a man, half-naked in a backless gown, getting his third blood draw of the week. He’s just had a needle full of Firmagon jammed into his gut fat by a nurse who smiled apologetically—like someone gently euthanizing a hamster. His testosterone? Nonexistent. His libido? A ghost. His sleep? Fragmented. And his wallet? Let’s just say if prostate cancer doesn’t kill him, the co-pays might.

That man is me.

You’ve survived HDR brachytherapy, EBRT, and chemical castration that makes menopause look like a mild inconvenience. You’ve surrendered your hormones, your energy, your ability to walk up stairs without swearing under your breath. And what does modern medicine offer in return? A smorgasbord of side effects and a cheery “Hang in there!”

But in the middle of this biochemical mugging, one tiny scrap of freedom remains: you still choose what goes on your plate.

And while food isn’t a cure—no one’s walking out of a PET scan yelling, “Tomatoes did it!”—it is a tool. A small, subversive, fork-sized rebellion against the system that now has you peeing in cups and whispering “yes, I’ve had a bowel movement” to strangers in lab coats.

Let’s be clear: oncologists aren’t impressed by your quinoa. You bring up diet, and they look at you like you’ve just asked if moonlight cures cancer. “Sure,” they say, with the weary patience of someone humoring a conspiracy theorist. “A healthy diet can help.” Translation: Don’t waste my time with kale.

But you know better. Because this isn’t about impressing them—it’s about fighting smart.

The Good Stuff: What to Eat When You’re at War
Cruciferous vegetables (broccoli, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, cabbage)
They reek when cooked—like a biology lab accident—but that’s the smell of sulforaphane, a compound that disrupts cancer cell machinery. Not a cure. But a wrench in the gears? Absolutely.

Cooked tomatoes + olive oil
Lycopene from tomatoes shows up in studies with promising links to lower PSA progression. Pair with olive oil to boost absorption and score bonus points for heart health.

Alliums (garlic, onions, leeks, shallots)
They make you unkissable but may reduce inflammation, enhance detox enzymes, and screw with the tumor microenvironment. Vampires and cancer cells alike, beware.

Healthy fats
Avocados (smug but effective), olive oil (liquid resistance), walnuts and flaxseed (fiber, lignans, omega-3s). They support your heart, mess with bad hormones, and keep you out of the sad beige food zone.

Fatty fish (salmon, mackerel, sardines)
Packed with anti-inflammatory omega-3s and not likely to contribute to the hormonal circus cancer feeds on. These are your aquatic allies—nutritional SEAL Team 6.

Soy foods (tofu, tempeh, edamame)
Phytoestrogens may help outfox prostate cancer by binding estrogen receptors and confusing the enemy. Don’t fear soy—it’s not turning you into a yoga instructor. It’s just playing mind games with your tumors.

Berries
Blueberries, raspberries, strawberries—small, intense, packed with polyphenols. Think: antioxidant snipers in the inflammatory battlefield.

Green tea
Catechins. Polyphenols. A thousand YouTube testimonials. Tastes like regret but may help slow things down. Just don’t expect it to replace radiation. Or coffee.

Whole grains (steel-cut oats, barley, quinoa)
They don’t sparkle, but they help regulate insulin. And keeping insulin low helps starve cancer of its metabolic fuel. Boring? Yes. Useful? Also yes.

Pomegranate juice
There’s weak but intriguing evidence it may slow PSA doubling time. Is it a miracle? No. But it’s tasty, and it doesn’t cause hot flashes or man boobs. That’s worth something.

The Enemy Camp: What to Avoid Like a Follow-Up Biopsy
Red meat
Especially grilled, charred, or processed. Think: cancer fertilizer with a smoky flavor. Regular consumption is linked to higher risk, thanks to compounds like heterocyclic amines and heme iron.

Processed meats (bacon, sausage, hot dogs, deli meats)
These are the dietary equivalent of playing Russian roulette with nitrites. Delicious. Deadly. Choose wisely.

Sugar and refined carbs
Sugar spikes insulin. Insulin spikes IGF-1. IGF-1 tells cancer, “Hey, it’s party time!” Cut the crap: soda, pastries, white bread, frosted breakfast lies. You don’t need dessert. You need to live.

Ultra-processed foods
If it has a mascot or a jingle, it’s not here to help you. These foods are inflammation bombs wrapped in plastic.

Supplements sold by guys named “Chad” on YouTube
No, deer antler velvet won’t help. Yes, turmeric and green tea have weak data. No, your kidneys don’t care about your “alkaline cleanse.” If it sounds like magic, it’s probably just expensive urine.

Final Word: Eat Like a Warrior, Not a Wellness Blogger
This isn’t about joy. You’re not chasing foodie nirvana—you’re fighting a war in slow motion. So eat like it. Eat with purpose. Every forkful of steamed kale or garlicky quinoa is a tiny, bitter “screw you” to the disease trying to take you down.

You’re not looking for salvation in a salad. You’re looking for an edge. A biochemical sandbag. And while diet won’t win the war alone, it might keep you standing long enough to make the next move—and maybe even outlive the thing that thought it had you beat.

So no, you can’t undo radiation with arugula. But you can show up to this fight armed with more than side effects and prayer.

Eat grimly. Eat deliberately. Eat like you’ve got something left to fight for—because you do.

Now pass the damn garlic.