Facing Cancer Recurrence, PTSD & Acknowledging Mental Health

Posted by Merry, Alumni Mentor @merpreb, Dec 6, 2018

It's extremely difficult to face the fact of recurring cancers. After treatments we try and get away from it all and live our life. Then along comes another CT scan or PET scan and POW, you have to face another cancer. My reaction was developing PTSD.

You can read what I wrote in my blog: https://my20yearscancer.com/blog/
How do we cope? How do we react? What do we do?
How have you all reacted to another cancer? Or the possibility of another one? Has your "already compromised" mental health been able to deal with it? How? Or not?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Cancer: Managing Symptoms Support Group.

@gingerw

@hopeful33250 Teresa, I told myself and my husband last night that the way to look at it is the fact that it is so close to the push off from this area, that there must be nothing to worry about. That the there is a Greater Hand involved in all of this for me, and this is a diagnostic tool to be considered.
Ginger

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@gingerw I really like that word picture of the "Greater Hand."

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@travelgirl Yes, I had my CT and appt. today. I now definitely have 3 nodules and at least one is large enough to biopsy. They will be doing a needle biopsy on that but I don’t have a date yet. The dr. believes this is the triple negative breast cancer and not lung cancer. However, they thought the same thing when they did the wedge resection last year and it turned out to be lung cancer. Regardless, it will be stage 4 because they are in the opposite lung from the last time. Of course, if it's the TNBC, it would be stage 4. What I really questioned was that even if the biopsied nodule is one kind of cancer, there is no guarantee that the other 2 nodules are the same kind of cancer and it is too dangerous to do a needle biopsy in the lungs in 3 different places at the same time. I understand they will wait until that first needle biopsy is done, hopefully see what that is and if it is lung cancer, they will surgically remove all 3. If it's breast cancer, well, we cross that bridge when we come to it. I guess I was sure it was the lung cancer in my own mind and didn’t realize it would be considered metastatic since it was in the other lung. I suppose the only bright spot in this is that if it's the breast cancer, I know my smoking for so many years played no part in it so I don’t have to feel guilty about that. I do not know why he believes it’s TNBC as opposed to lung cancer but he was wrong about that last year.

In a previous post, I talked about issues with my parents and my oldest son. Since then, my middle son has told me he is getting a divorce and I cry every time I think about it. They have been married for 23 years and I love her like she was my own. He’s not trying to hide that’s this is entirely his idea and frankly, I’d like to smack the you know what out of him. I don’t know how much more stress I can handle and I feel so badly for my poor husband. He wouldn’t have even told us now but my youngest son (who is my rock) told him that I was suspicious something was wrong and it was worrying me to death and he had to tell me the truth. I don’t think anyone had any idea how hard I would take it.

We are leaving Monday to go visit our youngest son. We’re driving and will be stopping in Nashville for a few days, going on to Tim’s in St. Louis and then on to their new lake cottage on Lake of the Ozarks. We are designated baby sitters during the day for 4 days while they film an episode of HGTV’s Lakefront Bargain Hunt. I think that will be fun to see. Their realtor set this all up. We’ll be gone a total of almost 2 weeks and my biopsy will be after we return. I figure it has waited this long, 2 weeks shouldn’t make much of a difference.

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@cwm1

@travelgirl Yes, I had my CT and appt. today. I now definitely have 3 nodules and at least one is large enough to biopsy. They will be doing a needle biopsy on that but I don’t have a date yet. The dr. believes this is the triple negative breast cancer and not lung cancer. However, they thought the same thing when they did the wedge resection last year and it turned out to be lung cancer. Regardless, it will be stage 4 because they are in the opposite lung from the last time. Of course, if it's the TNBC, it would be stage 4. What I really questioned was that even if the biopsied nodule is one kind of cancer, there is no guarantee that the other 2 nodules are the same kind of cancer and it is too dangerous to do a needle biopsy in the lungs in 3 different places at the same time. I understand they will wait until that first needle biopsy is done, hopefully see what that is and if it is lung cancer, they will surgically remove all 3. If it's breast cancer, well, we cross that bridge when we come to it. I guess I was sure it was the lung cancer in my own mind and didn’t realize it would be considered metastatic since it was in the other lung. I suppose the only bright spot in this is that if it's the breast cancer, I know my smoking for so many years played no part in it so I don’t have to feel guilty about that. I do not know why he believes it’s TNBC as opposed to lung cancer but he was wrong about that last year.

In a previous post, I talked about issues with my parents and my oldest son. Since then, my middle son has told me he is getting a divorce and I cry every time I think about it. They have been married for 23 years and I love her like she was my own. He’s not trying to hide that’s this is entirely his idea and frankly, I’d like to smack the you know what out of him. I don’t know how much more stress I can handle and I feel so badly for my poor husband. He wouldn’t have even told us now but my youngest son (who is my rock) told him that I was suspicious something was wrong and it was worrying me to death and he had to tell me the truth. I don’t think anyone had any idea how hard I would take it.

We are leaving Monday to go visit our youngest son. We’re driving and will be stopping in Nashville for a few days, going on to Tim’s in St. Louis and then on to their new lake cottage on Lake of the Ozarks. We are designated baby sitters during the day for 4 days while they film an episode of HGTV’s Lakefront Bargain Hunt. I think that will be fun to see. Their realtor set this all up. We’ll be gone a total of almost 2 weeks and my biopsy will be after we return. I figure it has waited this long, 2 weeks shouldn’t make much of a difference.

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@cwm1 The time away will be good for you. Take time to smell the fresh air, play with your grandchildren, and enjoy. What is in the future is unknown.
Ginger

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@cwm1

@travelgirl Yes, I had my CT and appt. today. I now definitely have 3 nodules and at least one is large enough to biopsy. They will be doing a needle biopsy on that but I don’t have a date yet. The dr. believes this is the triple negative breast cancer and not lung cancer. However, they thought the same thing when they did the wedge resection last year and it turned out to be lung cancer. Regardless, it will be stage 4 because they are in the opposite lung from the last time. Of course, if it's the TNBC, it would be stage 4. What I really questioned was that even if the biopsied nodule is one kind of cancer, there is no guarantee that the other 2 nodules are the same kind of cancer and it is too dangerous to do a needle biopsy in the lungs in 3 different places at the same time. I understand they will wait until that first needle biopsy is done, hopefully see what that is and if it is lung cancer, they will surgically remove all 3. If it's breast cancer, well, we cross that bridge when we come to it. I guess I was sure it was the lung cancer in my own mind and didn’t realize it would be considered metastatic since it was in the other lung. I suppose the only bright spot in this is that if it's the breast cancer, I know my smoking for so many years played no part in it so I don’t have to feel guilty about that. I do not know why he believes it’s TNBC as opposed to lung cancer but he was wrong about that last year.

In a previous post, I talked about issues with my parents and my oldest son. Since then, my middle son has told me he is getting a divorce and I cry every time I think about it. They have been married for 23 years and I love her like she was my own. He’s not trying to hide that’s this is entirely his idea and frankly, I’d like to smack the you know what out of him. I don’t know how much more stress I can handle and I feel so badly for my poor husband. He wouldn’t have even told us now but my youngest son (who is my rock) told him that I was suspicious something was wrong and it was worrying me to death and he had to tell me the truth. I don’t think anyone had any idea how hard I would take it.

We are leaving Monday to go visit our youngest son. We’re driving and will be stopping in Nashville for a few days, going on to Tim’s in St. Louis and then on to their new lake cottage on Lake of the Ozarks. We are designated baby sitters during the day for 4 days while they film an episode of HGTV’s Lakefront Bargain Hunt. I think that will be fun to see. Their realtor set this all up. We’ll be gone a total of almost 2 weeks and my biopsy will be after we return. I figure it has waited this long, 2 weeks shouldn’t make much of a difference.

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Sometimes just to get away from tests and appointments and spend time in a totally different environment can give you an emotional break from “downers” and lift your spirits. Emotional health can positively affect your ability to deal with what will be and help get you through the “next steps”. Enjoy every minute.

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@gingerw

@cwm1 The time away will be good for you. Take time to smell the fresh air, play with your grandchildren, and enjoy. What is in the future is unknown.
Ginger

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@gingerw, thinking of you today.

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@colleenyoung

@gingerw, thinking of you today.

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@colleenyoung Thank you. If anyone has to go to a Los Angeles area hospital, I recommend Huntington Memorial in Pasadena. This is where I had my PET CT scan done today. After having to reset my appt from Tues AM to this afternoon [the machine broke down as I was on my way in], the entire staff set about making things right. They changed everything to "stat", and took great care with me. The radiologist had already started his read and dictation of first section before second was completed, report headed to hematologist-oncologist tonight. I have an appt on Mon afternoon with my h-o for the results. They were nothing but professional, and sincerely wished my luck on Monday.
Ginger

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@gingerw

@colleenyoung Thank you. If anyone has to go to a Los Angeles area hospital, I recommend Huntington Memorial in Pasadena. This is where I had my PET CT scan done today. After having to reset my appt from Tues AM to this afternoon [the machine broke down as I was on my way in], the entire staff set about making things right. They changed everything to "stat", and took great care with me. The radiologist had already started his read and dictation of first section before second was completed, report headed to hematologist-oncologist tonight. I have an appt on Mon afternoon with my h-o for the results. They were nothing but professional, and sincerely wished my luck on Monday.
Ginger

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Nice to hear you were pleased with the facility in LA. Eager to learn of results if your PETCT, and best wishes for answers.

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@gingerw

@colleenyoung Thank you. If anyone has to go to a Los Angeles area hospital, I recommend Huntington Memorial in Pasadena. This is where I had my PET CT scan done today. After having to reset my appt from Tues AM to this afternoon [the machine broke down as I was on my way in], the entire staff set about making things right. They changed everything to "stat", and took great care with me. The radiologist had already started his read and dictation of first section before second was completed, report headed to hematologist-oncologist tonight. I have an appt on Mon afternoon with my h-o for the results. They were nothing but professional, and sincerely wished my luck on Monday.
Ginger

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@gingerw- This is so refreshing to hear. Both you an @parus are having positive experiences, so we can all pass the word around about these places. I wish you every bit of luck, warm hugs and all limbs crossed for you

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@gingerw

@colleenyoung Thank you. If anyone has to go to a Los Angeles area hospital, I recommend Huntington Memorial in Pasadena. This is where I had my PET CT scan done today. After having to reset my appt from Tues AM to this afternoon [the machine broke down as I was on my way in], the entire staff set about making things right. They changed everything to "stat", and took great care with me. The radiologist had already started his read and dictation of first section before second was completed, report headed to hematologist-oncologist tonight. I have an appt on Mon afternoon with my h-o for the results. They were nothing but professional, and sincerely wished my luck on Monday.
Ginger

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I'm so pleased that you were comfortable in the environment and that they treated you well and with such respect! Both you and @parus have had some positive health care experiences. I look forward to hearing from you again!

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Hi. Gulp. I should be happy — wonderful wife who has taken care of me through 3 surgeries, held my hand through 11 months of every 3 week infusions, takes care of our beautiful home, and I was able to retire early (7/31). Received a clear PET scan in June and feeling well enough to road trip again. Our driveway is 10 minutes from the Mayo parking ramp. Hair is growing back from chemo treatments, little more gray, a little curlier. Large community of friends that have stayed with me through the 1 year journey. Good health insurance, and able to pay COBRA for both of us until Medicare.

But.. I am pissed and mad and cry every time I think of what my life was suppose to look like. Saved for retirement for 30 years, moved to an encore career to slowly move into retirement, looked at snow birding to a pickleball community, loved traveling in our convertible, boating, golfing, gardening, being outside. I was healthy, active, and ate right. Last time I was in a hospital was to deliver my 29 yo son. Used a tanning bed twice, in my 30’s. Did the usual tanning with baby oil in my teens.

It is not fair!! Is this PTSD?

Metastatic Melanoma wild type
Diagnosed 9\18
59 yo
Procedures: Mastectomy, lung VATS, lung cryoablation
Received my 1st clear PET in June after moving to a second line treatment of Chemo+Pembro
Next scan: 9/10

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