1. < Cancer: Managing Symptoms

Facing Cancer Recurrence, PTSD & Acknowledging Mental Health

Posted by Merry, Alumni Mentor @merpreb, Dec 6, 2018

It's extremely difficult to face the fact of recurring cancers. After treatments we try and get away from it all and live our life. Then along comes another CT scan or PET scan and POW, you have to face another cancer. My reaction was developing PTSD.

You can read what I wrote in my blog: https://my20yearscancer.com/blog/
How do we cope? How do we react? What do we do?
How have you all reacted to another cancer? Or the possibility of another one? Has your "already compromised" mental health been able to deal with it? How? Or not?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Cancer: Managing Symptoms Support Group.

Mentor
Chris, Volunteer Mentor | @auntieoakley | Sep 21, 2019
In reply to @sakota "Hi Auntie, I agree about the small talk. I don't want people to keep asking questions..." + (show)
@sakota

Hi Auntie, I agree about the small talk. I don't want people to keep asking questions of which I have no answers, I don't want pity or sympathy. Maybe this is all wrong. I have a older sister who just drives me crazy and I get so upset with her, I just prefer to stay away. She is my older sister, my parents and brother are gone . All I want is some cheerful support when needed and then treat me like any other day if I didn't have cancer. Is this selfish of me. I don't think so. We are the ones who have to deal with it and if we need emotional support and a good friend we will reach out. I talk to a counselor quite often and she is super. I have accepted the cancer and will deal with it as it comes up...……. I'm not going to live my life feelng sorry for myself. I've been thru lots of other things and survived and I will this as long as the Lord lets me...….I'm ok with that.
PS The people in here are the greatest because they all understand and that means so much.

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This is not selfish! Everyone has to live with this in their own way. I talk a lot about different health things many of which I don’t have and my husband does not have. Mostly because I like to study the nuts and bolts of disease. Also because I like to be able to understand how it affects people. I try to be respectful of what people dont want to talk about. I have been going for years here and I still am lousy at small talk. Weather is just weather and we all watch the news. I love a real conversation and I love silliness. I don’t want “oh, poor you” and I don’t want people to do things for me. I want to try to figure it out on my own first.
I, for one, am glad you came to connect! Welcome to the journey, sometimes I think we are pretty darn lucky. We don’t take our days for granted.

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1 reply
Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Sep 21, 2019
In reply to @sakota "Hi Auntie, I agree about the small talk. I don't want people to keep asking questions..." + (show)
@sakota

Hi Auntie, I agree about the small talk. I don't want people to keep asking questions of which I have no answers, I don't want pity or sympathy. Maybe this is all wrong. I have a older sister who just drives me crazy and I get so upset with her, I just prefer to stay away. She is my older sister, my parents and brother are gone . All I want is some cheerful support when needed and then treat me like any other day if I didn't have cancer. Is this selfish of me. I don't think so. We are the ones who have to deal with it and if we need emotional support and a good friend we will reach out. I talk to a counselor quite often and she is super. I have accepted the cancer and will deal with it as it comes up...……. I'm not going to live my life feelng sorry for myself. I've been thru lots of other things and survived and I will this as long as the Lord lets me...….I'm ok with that.
PS The people in here are the greatest because they all understand and that means so much.

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@sakota This is how i feel, also. I don't want pity, I want support if I reach out. If I need to say "no" to some activity because the energy is not there, or the situation is wrong for me, please don't pat my arm and look at me with puppy-dog eyes! Since 1988 I have been dealing with chronic illnesses, some serious, and I refuse to be identified by the dis-orders listed on my chart.
Ginger

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Merry, Alumni Mentor | @merpreb | Sep 21, 2019

@sakota- You are a survivor for sure Joan!

REPLY
sakota9 (Joan) | @sakota | Sep 21, 2019
In reply to @auntieoakley "I found I had less tolerance for meaningless small talk. I never did the why me..." + (show)
@auntieoakley

I found I had less tolerance for meaningless small talk. I never did the why me question because I always really expected it, but I did struggle a bit until I was about 8 months in to treatment a doctor gave me some chemical help with that. I firmly believe in Zoloft being better living through chemistry now. I went off for a few years, but when my husbands bone cancer returned right away and had to return to Mayo for his second transplant, I went back on it. I try to be grateful for every day we have together and be mindful of the moment, but truthfully sometimes it is really hard. If antidepressants aren’t appropriate for people like us, I don’t know who they are. Because there is so many feelings and thoughts to process all the time. I find that scan time is the longest weeks of the year.

Jump to this post

Hi Auntie, I agree about the small talk. I don't want people to keep asking questions of which I have no answers, I don't want pity or sympathy. Maybe this is all wrong. I have a older sister who just drives me crazy and I get so upset with her, I just prefer to stay away. She is my older sister, my parents and brother are gone . All I want is some cheerful support when needed and then treat me like any other day if I didn't have cancer. Is this selfish of me. I don't think so. We are the ones who have to deal with it and if we need emotional support and a good friend we will reach out. I talk to a counselor quite often and she is super. I have accepted the cancer and will deal with it as it comes up...……. I'm not going to live my life feelng sorry for myself. I've been thru lots of other things and survived and I will this as long as the Lord lets me...….I'm ok with that.
PS The people in here are the greatest because they all understand and that means so much.

REPLY
2 replies
sakota9 (Joan) | @sakota | Sep 20, 2019
In reply to @padovani "I hope so too" + (show)
@padovani

I hope so too

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I also have multifocal adenocarcinoma , was diagnosed in 2011 at mayo. Have had two surgeries and a couple of rounds of radiation. I go back now in November for my ct scan so will see what happens. On the last one they said something had changed in my lower left lung so will be anxious about that. I told my counselor yesterday..... it will be what it will be...…. you do what you have to do and hope for the best...……..Best wishes and prayers for you padovani and you too merry

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Merry, Alumni Mentor | @merpreb | Sep 20, 2019
In reply to @azkidney57 "When I first got the news about my cancer I was shocked! I had always been..." + (show)
@azkidney57

When I first got the news about my cancer I was shocked! I had always been so healthy. I was depressed and anxious for weeks. I have only recently gotten over the diagnosis. I am in the process of getting a new oncologist. I am private about my cancer even with family. Early morning hours are indeed the hardest because you are alone with your thoughts. I spent many sleepless nights wondering why the hell I got cancer! But I am learning to cope. Mostly I am learning to keep busy. I have a full time job so that helps. I am not the same person anymore. I have changed. I find I have much less tolerance for some people. I don’t like to be around lots of people they annoy me. My god is a great comfort. I have a few good friends I rely on. I try not to let worry dictate my life. But at times I do think about the cancer coming back and I have scans in October. I just have to deal with it. I am looking into a cancer group to join where I can be around other people who shar similar experiences. I am sleeping better nowadays and that helps. I want to get my life back on track because I feel derailed! This group helps because I read how others cope. Cancer sucks but we must lose hope!

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@azkidney57- Boy have you come to the right place for cancer groups with people who are going through, or have gone through what you have. You can also go to Groups, at the top of the page and it will list all of our groups and topics that are being discussed now.
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/cancer/
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/kidney-conditions/

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Merry, Alumni Mentor | @merpreb | Sep 20, 2019
In reply to @auntieoakley "I found I had less tolerance for meaningless small talk. I never did the why me..." + (show)
@auntieoakley

I found I had less tolerance for meaningless small talk. I never did the why me question because I always really expected it, but I did struggle a bit until I was about 8 months in to treatment a doctor gave me some chemical help with that. I firmly believe in Zoloft being better living through chemistry now. I went off for a few years, but when my husbands bone cancer returned right away and had to return to Mayo for his second transplant, I went back on it. I try to be grateful for every day we have together and be mindful of the moment, but truthfully sometimes it is really hard. If antidepressants aren’t appropriate for people like us, I don’t know who they are. Because there is so many feelings and thoughts to process all the time. I find that scan time is the longest weeks of the year.

Jump to this post

@auntieoakley - You have described how I reacted when I first learned that I had cancer to a T. Minutia, crowds, anything loud. I love Zoloft and I won't get off of it unless it does me wrong. Some of us need the chemical balance to be put right and this does it for me too.

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alamogal635 | @alamogal635 | Sep 20, 2019
In reply to @azkidney57 "We must never lose hope sorry but my dog jumped on me while I was texting...." + (show)
@azkidney57

We must never lose hope sorry but my dog jumped on me while I was texting. Also, I interchange God and dog a lot. I think about God a lot. I was raised Catholic. My dog is my best friend! He is my constant companion. When I first came back from the hospital after my nephrectomy I sat down in the living room and he didn’t jump on me as usual. He sat next to me and put his chin on my lap and stared at me. Best welcome home ever!

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My dogs are my very dearest friends and companions. Wouldn’t have made it as well as I did and do after my lung cancer diagnosi, surgery and post op follow ups without their unconditional live. What you wrote above is so touching.😊🦋

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azkidney57 | @azkidney57 | Sep 19, 2019
In reply to @janlanderz "Not sure if this will help you... I have to read it sometimes to remind myself..." + (show)
@janlanderz

Not sure if this will help you... I have to read it sometimes to remind myself to stop feeling so angry or sad about things.. because I have a lot of why me moments.. see below: took most of it from a book I read....

If I let cancer make me bitter or angry, then I would of spent the last days of my life in sorrow and isolation; making a living hell for my loved ones, and be remembered if at all, a bitter old woman who let cancer defeat her.

I would receive their temporary show of sympathy, but in the end they would only have contempt for me and how I left them;

On the other hand:

If I were positive and hopeful, it wouldn't change the day of my death a bit, but, it would mean that I would spend the last days of my life breathing deeply, clearly, contented and blissful, and in love with my family and everyone I met...
I would die a happy woman and be remembered as that brave soul who faced a terrible death with courage, fortitude and aplomb.
I would be cherished by those who knew me.

Why waste months of my life wailing about an end that wasn't even near?

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Food for thought. Thank you.

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