1. < Cancer: Managing Symptoms

Facing Cancer Recurrence, PTSD & Acknowledging Mental Health

Posted by Merry, Alumni Mentor @merpreb, Dec 6, 2018

It's extremely difficult to face the fact of recurring cancers. After treatments we try and get away from it all and live our life. Then along comes another CT scan or PET scan and POW, you have to face another cancer. My reaction was developing PTSD.

You can read what I wrote in my blog: https://my20yearscancer.com/blog/
How do we cope? How do we react? What do we do?
How have you all reacted to another cancer? Or the possibility of another one? Has your "already compromised" mental health been able to deal with it? How? Or not?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Cancer: Managing Symptoms Support Group.

alamogal635 | @alamogal635 | Sep 1, 2019
In reply to @merpreb "@alamogal635 - I get the absolute fear, and I seem to react just like you. I..." + (show)
@merpreb

@alamogal635 - I get the absolute fear, and I seem to react just like you. I hide when I'm fearful, until I can put them in perspective, I'm a basket case too. I just took a mini step back from Connect so that I could wrap my head around new news about my cancer. And that is I am walking around with a minimum of 4 cancerous lesions with many more that are too small to be considered much of anything. My cancer has increased in both the number of nodules and time in between treatments. And this will progress as time goes on, which I didn't know. I'm better now after a great visit with my oncologist.
During the first year of having cancer we really don't know what is going on and everything is new. I have a CT scan in December and because one of my lesions has grown it's likely I might need it zapped with SBRT. I am petrified, even if I know what it will be like.
I also tend to shy away from friends as I am so wrapped up in myself that I have nothing to say--ok, ok, I know, I always have something to say, but not when I'm petrified. I do not know if this is a good thing or not but it's how I seem react.
I think that we need to come up with a mantra for when we feel like this. What might yours be?
Having cancer turns us into being self-centered, not out of selfishness but being consumed with this disease. Friends are really necessary and the world is bigger than we are. It's good that you pray, if this gives you comfort. I don't pray to a God, I write and Mentor here. I also turn to Connect when I don't know what to do, or feel lost. It's amazing how comforting how some people can be and just pull you out of something. One of my mentor friends reminded me of something that I wrote and it woke me right up!
Are there any friends that call you at all or email? Staying home doesn't serve any purpose after a while and it does feed into our fears. I am going to try and get out more when this happens because I'm going to be afraid no matter where I am and being out makes me less afraid!
Hang in there honey- the Scan and knowledge are just around the corner.

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@merpreb What a fantastic attitude you have. Gosh, you are a true trooper and have been through so much and are going through so much. Will have to think up a mantra, but that's a great idea. What is SBRT? That is another new term for me. Gosh, I am not great at prayer--sometimes nothing comes, but I figure the intention is acknowledged. I am better today--the closer it gets. As you say it is getting to be where the results will be known and shared.. Was going to say that cancer is a sneaky and nasty disease to have, but so are so many others. Yes, it does make us turn inward. The thought of something growing within that has no place there actually makes me angry. This is a great place to come and "vent" with others who are sharing in something that others cannot relate to fully. Anyway, thank you for your kind words and for being here as moderators. Your knowledge is wonderful as is your support. I hold you in awe for lending such support with all you have going on in your life and with your health.

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1 reply
alamogal635 | @alamogal635 | Sep 1, 2019
In reply to @richcolleen "Just had my scan at the Mayo Clinic was also nervous (my cancer is terminal) as..." + (show)
@richcolleen

Just had my scan at the Mayo Clinic was also nervous (my cancer is terminal) as I had different feelings within lung and stomach. Of course one always thinks the worst. Turned out everything was same.my scan was read and meet with Dr same day which helped me. Tumor stayed the same as did the nodules.get sick 8-10 days after treatments, which I get every 21 days, so I took holiday and skipping the next 21 days. Hoping I made good decision but my mind was tired of being sick. Prayers coming your way.

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Thank you. Am glad yous is staying the same at least. LIke your attitude of time off because of being tired of being sick. This year has seemed to me one in which I need a month away from doctors and procedures. Have never had such a medical year. Tooth issues, cataracts with up-coming surgery, on-going back issues requiring epidural injections and of course the lung cancer. Figure will have my last cataract surgery sometime in October, or early November and then I am taking off for so R&R. Enjoy your time off from medical stuff. Prayers to you, too.

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alamogal635 | @alamogal635 | Sep 1, 2019

Like that--AA--Anxiety Annonymous.

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jshdma | @jshdma | Sep 1, 2019
In reply to @alamogal635 "@merpreb Haven't posted for a while, but have been reading the posts. My CT scan--first one..." + (show)
@alamogal635

@merpreb Haven't posted for a while, but have been reading the posts. My CT scan--first one post the lobectomy is coming up this Tuesday. The doctor wanted the first CT scan six months after surgery. Anyway, here it is coming up and I am a basket case. I can put up a good front and do what needs to be done, but gosh inside I am flat scared. It is as I think of it simply the unknown. I FEEL like things will be good, but then doubt creeps in. A week after the CT scan I see my oncologist.
The cancer diagnosis was difficult along with the surgery to start with, but this CT scan has lurked in the back of my mind and lowly grown into outright fear. I notice that since the diagnosis and surgery, I've become more and more avoidant of social situations. I have always been shy, but now I would call it more like genuine Social Phobia. Talking about it helps some, but it all boils down to going to the imaging center and getting the thing done and the results known. I pray a lot, but have avoided my church community for a good while. I make excuses for avoiding attendance there and in other social situations. My anxiety level is high with the unknown of the CT scan results. I think it is the unknown that is so difficult. Already have lived a long time with depression and anxiety and have great help in that area with great therapists and necessary meds. So, I guess the thing to do is simply hang in there, pray, keep on reading the posts here, and get the darned thing over and the results known. That is how I'm coping right now. It is probably not the healthiest way, but it is what is happening now. I'm thankful that I've been connected with this group and find such support here. Thank all of you and know you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

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@alamogal635 @merpreb Just reading these stories is terrifying. No wonder you are afraid. And yes, the unknown makes everything worse. I wish AA stood for "anxiety anonymous," but unfortunately it's not that simple.

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1 reply
richcolleen | @richcolleen | Sep 1, 2019

Thank you will call my pharmacy

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Mentor
Chris, Volunteer Mentor | @auntieoakley | Sep 1, 2019
In reply to @richcolleen "Will start treatments up on 23rd of September but needed a break they have tried 4..." + (show)
@richcolleen

Will start treatments up on 23rd of September but needed a break they have tried 4 different types of pills to stop the throwing up but than stomach is upset so I decided which is worse. After throwing up feel better till next time I put food or liquid in my mouth.

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I am glad your cancer stayed the same!! I am also glad you were willing to ask for a break when you needed it. I have had the unrelenting nausea and vomiting, and your body and mind just gets tired. My doctor found out about a cream they call magic four. It is made at a local compounding pharmacy. I asked the pharmacist once if he would share the information, he said yes just have a doctor or pharmacy call him. I do know that it worked and you can use as much as you need. You just rub it in to the skin and it really does help. Northwest compounding pharmacy #541-672-8399. It is a transdermal medicine that has several medicines in it. When I was sleeping on the bathroom floor for days because I was so sick and nothing worked, it did help. If not this, then I hope you find something else that helps. I am keeping you in my thoughts and hoping you get a chance to eat and feel good before you go back in for treatment.

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richcolleen | @richcolleen | Sep 1, 2019

Will start treatments up on 23rd of September but needed a break they have tried 4 different types of pills to stop the throwing up but than stomach is upset so I decided which is worse. After throwing up feel better till next time I put food or liquid in my mouth.

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1 reply
Merry, Alumni Mentor | @merpreb | Sep 1, 2019

@richcolleen - That's great news that your cancer has stayed the same. Is there not a way for you to continue to do the chemo and get help with the symptoms?

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richcolleen | @richcolleen | Sep 1, 2019
In reply to @alamogal635 "@merpreb Haven't posted for a while, but have been reading the posts. My CT scan--first one..." + (show)
@alamogal635

@merpreb Haven't posted for a while, but have been reading the posts. My CT scan--first one post the lobectomy is coming up this Tuesday. The doctor wanted the first CT scan six months after surgery. Anyway, here it is coming up and I am a basket case. I can put up a good front and do what needs to be done, but gosh inside I am flat scared. It is as I think of it simply the unknown. I FEEL like things will be good, but then doubt creeps in. A week after the CT scan I see my oncologist.
The cancer diagnosis was difficult along with the surgery to start with, but this CT scan has lurked in the back of my mind and lowly grown into outright fear. I notice that since the diagnosis and surgery, I've become more and more avoidant of social situations. I have always been shy, but now I would call it more like genuine Social Phobia. Talking about it helps some, but it all boils down to going to the imaging center and getting the thing done and the results known. I pray a lot, but have avoided my church community for a good while. I make excuses for avoiding attendance there and in other social situations. My anxiety level is high with the unknown of the CT scan results. I think it is the unknown that is so difficult. Already have lived a long time with depression and anxiety and have great help in that area with great therapists and necessary meds. So, I guess the thing to do is simply hang in there, pray, keep on reading the posts here, and get the darned thing over and the results known. That is how I'm coping right now. It is probably not the healthiest way, but it is what is happening now. I'm thankful that I've been connected with this group and find such support here. Thank all of you and know you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

Jump to this post

Just had my scan at the Mayo Clinic was also nervous (my cancer is terminal) as I had different feelings within lung and stomach. Of course one always thinks the worst. Turned out everything was same.my scan was read and meet with Dr same day which helped me. Tumor stayed the same as did the nodules.get sick 8-10 days after treatments, which I get every 21 days, so I took holiday and skipping the next 21 days. Hoping I made good decision but my mind was tired of being sick. Prayers coming your way.

REPLY
2 replies
Merry, Alumni Mentor | @merpreb | Sep 1, 2019
In reply to @auntieoakley "I agree with all of that but please make sure you have a support system, if..." + (show)
@auntieoakley

I agree with all of that but please make sure you have a support system, if you are keeping it from them, then they cannot support you. Being up beat is awesome but you also need to process the negative feelings and sometimes just having that one or two people that you can sit and complain and cry and laugh with makes all the difference in how you cope daily. We have an informal cancer group here that meets for dinner every couple weeks, just us girls usually 3 or 4, that we can process all the stuff, good and bad. We all have different cancers but we are all somewhat close in age. Without that, I think it would be harder to be upbeat day after day.

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@auntieoakley- Your group sounds wonderful!
@janlanderz- I agree with @auntieoakley, being positive is terrific but you need your mind to process all of your feelings, just not the positive ones. If you don't let loose then as time goes on it will become harder and harder to live with your diagnosis.

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