Emotional health after cancer: How are you doing really?

I don’t even know where to start.
You brought back so many memories of when I was going through my treatments nearly 7 years ago. I certainly feel your grief!

I had a terrific CNA, RN and RN’s in the treatment center.
I was asked how I was doing every day but they were asking as to my mental and emotional state rather than my physical state.
Looking back I really wish that I would have been truthful in my response. Truth is I was devastated that I was;
1. Going through treatments for stage IV cancer.
2. Being forced into Disability at 55 years old.
3. No longer being the major provider for my wife.
4. Knowing self pay insurance was coming soon.
5. Knowing I would never be the same man I was and that my entire work life had ended.
6. Worrying how we would financially survive.
7. So much more!
But every time I was asked, I would respond with I’m good. I let my pride stand in the way of receiving help!
As a Marine Corps veteran I learned to deal with situations and move on, as a Deputy Sheriff K9 trainer/handler I learned to help others and not focus on my emotions.

After reading your post I realize that yes PTSD is alive in the world of cancer.
As for me, I know I will never talk to a professional about “how I feel “ I have never even spoken to my wife of now 38 years of my feelings. I try to maintain the strong, confident man that she met, fell in love with and married.
But my recommendation to others is to definitely let your care givers know “how you’re feeling!”

Huge hug to you and others

MOJO

It’s true. Emotional health isn’t addressed at all. My cancer issues are compounded by the fact that I am being required to travel 3 hrs away at times for Dermatology appointments. I just had to cancel one today because I just couldn’t make it and it was probably a fairly important appointment. A full body skin examination. Could I find a Dermatologist closer? Maybe but that is compounded by them taking too long to get me to be seen. One office put me off 2 months even after I was referred by an Oncologist. After that I didn’t trust that Dermatology office to provide me with the best care. We are trying to move to another part of the country where we are more familiar with and who has more of a heart for their residents medically.

And here I was checking in on you today only to find some beautiful responses from members with a lot of empathy encouragement and motivation. The one thing I wanted to share based on my experience at the Mayo Clinic Pain Rehabilitation Center, was the importance of feelings thoughts and behaviors. Research shows that making a positive change to any one area of thoughts feelings or behaviors can lead to positive change in the other two. Negative thoughts are hard to change when you're feeling so down however recognizing that you're living in the negative world can be such a helpful first step. I learned a phrase during rehab called "catch and correct". I am 3 years graduated and still have to work on catching and correcting myself during difficult times. But I can attest to the fact that the more I've practiced this the more it's become second nature. It works like this - instead of saying I can't cope replace it with I will do my best, instead of saying no one wants to be around me, replace it with I make mistakes but I will work to do my best, instead saying I will always be sick say I have handled tough times before. Instead of saying I can't do anything or I'm unable think what can I do how am I still able . Positive self talk is where change can begin. People can offer all sorts of great advice but unless the person hearing it chooses to be an active participant in their own care, that advice falls flat.

That's my tip of the day as I am getting ready to go force myself to exercise. Another phrase I learned is "march before you feel like it" and that's what I'm about to go do!

Wishing you and all who are reading this... a pleasant warm day filled with happy thoughts.

I am so sorry you are struggling. You have had trauma after trauma. Your body has gone through a lot. You have gone though a lot. I recognize some of the same losses in my cancer journey. Loss of normalcy, loss of who I was, loss of who I thought I was going to be and how life would be. Loss of my self confidence and self suffecincy. But your reactions are a normal response to all these challenges. I experienced periods of low motivation and I guess loss of hope.
I believe you can find your way thru this. You've come so far already and survived such hard times.
You have a lot of good suggestions for you already, and I echo them, find someone to talk honestly with, get out in nature even if it's only to sit in the sun.
Do something you enjoy... create something... something new. Paint, write use you creative parts. Journal if it helps... I did one word journals ... just one word to describe how I felt at that moment . It helped me process and took little energy .
You'll have to be brave some more... just to make yourself do these... but you've got this!
Prayers for you !

Thank you so much!

I am truly struggling so very badly and I have no clue as to why I can’t pull myself together emotionally. I have been so very depressed. Not going anywhere not clean, sometimes my hygiene is questionable I don’t understand. I made it through the chemo, a year of Herceptin infusions, implant infections, losing my right nipple, had oxygen chamber therapy 30 times I ended up having to do the diep flap had three fat grafting sessions and now my insurance refuses to pay for more even though it’s horrible looking. Anyway, I am on an antidepressant but I have no desire to do anything or see anyone I think I feel as if I don’t know who I am anymore. I was an RN for years now I can’t work because of fatigue and chemo fog. I am sorry guys I don’t mean to dump but I need help somehow something has got to change or help. I have never had these emotions of no self worth or whatever this is. Thanks for listening.

"Despite my partner's perception of me as a hypochondriac due to annual blood work anxiety ..."

This upsets me. Your partner really needs to get on board. I learned a new word a few days ago, "scanxiety" -- the anxiety that people with pancreatic cancer feel as they gear up for the every-3-mos. scan that will tell them whether the cancer has returned. (I'm not there yet but will be.)

They are, QUITE NATURALLY, freaked out because it's a stealth cancer that creates few or no side effects (so we have to rely on scans and blood tests to know whether it has recurred, and even those can be misleading), bc it's a super-aggressive cancer that can do a lot of damage in that 3-mo. spell between scans, **and** bc it has a low survival rate.

I can only repeat: Your partner needs to get on board and start being sympathetic to your completely understandable / completely logical distress.

Also, I'm wondering whether you've ever looked into EMDR, a therapy that works to reduce intense reactions to old traumas.

I wish you well.

I feel for you, and everything you've written -- about how much you're struggling and how bad you feel -- makes perfect sense, given that you've been through intense trauma.

Fwiw, I think that developed nations discourage people from acknowledging the intensity of their traumatic experiences, for various reasons related to consumer culture and keeping the economic machine going. But you HAVE been through trauma, and you need to be clear with yourself about that (as in, "After all I've been thru, it's logical that I can't really function well in the short term"), and kind to yourself as you gradually heal.

I'm not suggesting that you stop taking antidepressants, but they aren't the solution. An adjunct during a terrible time, yes, but not the solution. You need to be able to cry out your feelings and shriek out your feelings in a safe space, with a licensed, experienced therapist. And I wonder whether EMDR (a therapy to address trauma) could help.

Can you talk with someone at the hospital where you've received cancer care? Mine has a dedicated social worker, for ex., who has guided me toward some useful resources. And the Psychology Today website lets you search for therapists by geographic area, but keep in mind that you're better off getting a recommendation for a therapist from someone who knows, or has worked with, the therapist.

Finally, if your insurer is being a jerk and is refusing treatment that you need, call the office of one of your US senators and ask to talk to someone who handles health-care problems -- that person might be able to advocate for you.

I believe that better times are ahead for you; I believe that based on my own ups and downs for most of my life (I'm 62) and based on the reality that every living creature is built to heal. (Yeah, we all break down at some point, but I think you're not there yet.)