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Emotional health after cancer: How are you doing really?
It struck me after my recent appointment with my oncologist how less focus is put on the emotional aspect of a cancer patient. I go to clinic I am checked in. I am asked in passing how I feel. Mostly I just say I am OK. It’s all routine. I saw my doctor he examined me we discussed the plan of action for my scans blood work. When a cancer patient is asked a how they feel often it’s “medical”. How do you “physically”feel.
Now that I am a “routine” patient at my cancer center no one stops to ask how I am “emotionally”. Don’t get me wrong there are people you can talk to. I feel things become so routine and some days I feel less emotionally “fit” than others. I never like going to the cancer center it stresses me. I am better about it but it is still a source of “depression “ and anxiety for me. When I feel this way I need routine. On my most recent visit I was given an “wrist band” to wear. I felt “branded”. Not only do I have to hold on to the appointment reminder “disc” now I am given an wrist band. It bothered me. So if you are a patient you can easily be identified by the disc and now and a wrist band. That my sound nit picky but I notice everything. If it bothers me it must bother other people as well. What would be good would be a place for patients, all patients, just patients to check in.
Ask us how we are today. Ask how we are coping. Ask care givers who bring in patients how they are coping. They should have “therapy” dogs on patrol. I love dogs and I know that would comfort me. It would take away some of the anxiety I feel each time I go to the cancer center. I am still “new” to my cancer. It’s been 6 months since my cancer diagnosis perhaps that is why I experience so much anxiety. I haven’t “accepted “ my cancer. It isn’t OK I have it. I am working through this.
Asking me how I am is a loaded question. Physically I am OK. Emotionally on some days I can be a bit of a “wreck”. The mortality aspect for me is a source of great distress at times. I realize I need to have perspective. Take one day at a time. Some days I could use a hug because even though I am adult it is scary to go to the cancer center and some days the child in me is more on the surface than the adult me. So I need to reel in the child and let the adult take hold.
Someone suggested mantras. I use one when I feel I need it. I tell myself it will be OK. It’s just a visit it’s just blood work it will be OK. That helps.
I believe all cancer patients have PTSD to some extent. I know I have it. This experience has traumatized me. Feeling sick, having symptoms, the diagnosis, the surgery, the recovery, the appointments, the blood work, the scans, the exams, the probing, going back to work, trying to regain “normalcy”, realizing there is a “new” normal, learning to live life the best you can. It is a bit much. It does get better and has gotten better. So when I am asked how I am doing it is a complex question and the answer on some days is convoluted.
At work people always ask how I am no one knows about my cancer because that is my busy but people know I was “sick”. I answer I am OK and move on because the question for me is complex. I would like to respond “ are you asking how I am physically or emotionally?”. No one has time for that. It takes too long.
My close friend asked me how I was and she and asked, “how are you really?”. In this “instant” and mostly impersonal world I am learning how the simple things, the unspoken words, the touch or hug, are often the most impacting. Cancer is teaching me to pay attention to what is around me, next to me, near by. Life is so precious don’t waste it.
How are you feeling today? How are you really? Do you need a hug? Are you feeling sad today? Is there something I can do for you right now?
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Praying for you Miriam.
Glad you are finding some relief. Dont be afraid to ask for the pain meds sometimes they are necessary as the pain can get unbearable. I remember.
Love this . I have a west highland and my trainer rued skiing me into doing this because of his outgoing personality . I wished I would of followed through with this but now he is 4 and it is too late.
Thank you for the slide show I enjoyed
I am praying for you! I know exactly how you feel. I am going through this with my husband . I don’t really think he has accepted it yet either. They want him to go into hospice and he said I am not ready for it yet! I have a lot to live for. We just take one day at a time .
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1 ReactionThe muscle pain/ nerve pain took me down for about three days solid. I took Tylenol and put ice on my legs since I didn’t know what to do. Had anal bleeding, not much appetite and weakness for about 5 days and slowly came back. Headache and sort of slight electric feeling in my head. Thankfully no nausea yet. Some various abdominal pain and some things I forgot about already. The Nurse practitioner heard my situation and came up with some things that I think helped.
I have some red bumps/ rash on my head and she gave an an antibiotic cream.
So hydration added during Chemo, icing hands and feet during Taxol for three hours, adding vitamin D, multivitamin and really trying to stay hydrated 24 hours a day. All seems to have helped, crossing my fingers.
Just one day at a time.
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4 Reactions@miriam57 Miriam, being in the hands of one of Mayo’s amazing cancer teams, you are in the best possible care! They want a positive outcome for you too! Are you having any reactions to the initial infusion?
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2 ReactionsHi Lori, this is my first time with Chemo. Last April I met with Mayo, had surgery on May 12, it was stage 1A. They recommended 3 vaginal brachytherapy ( radiation) to reduce a 25% chance of recurrence to a 5% chance. On Dec. 17, they did my first scan and it had returned in some pelvic lymph nodes and 3 masses attached to various areas. So after being in shock to starting Chemo on Jan. 11, I am learning a lot. Seeing posts about getting better is helpful. Thank you for the links.
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3 ReactionsWhat a great story. Cheers!
Yes I am living proof also chemo gets rid of cancer. 10 year breast cancer survivor. My cancer was chemo resistent. I had adrimysen, abraxane it was new 10 years ago and cytoin. I had very strong dosage of each drug infusion through a port in my chest. I tolerated it very well. I lost all my hair but was prepared as my daughter astually both are cosmotologists. We went wig shopping before hand and for skull caps that hold the wig in place. I had beautiful human hair wigs. When my hair started falling out after 2nd infusion went to her salon and she shaved my head. We both cried. She cut the wigs to my style and put one on and I felt some what normal. The eyebrows and eyelashes also will fall out. Your oncologist will give you scrips for nausea. Everyone is different. My tastes buds were strange. Everything tasted like metal. You may get Nulasta shots to make your bone create white blood cells faster which can cause severe bone pain which I developed.
I also developed severe pheriphial neuropathy in my feet and legs which has never gone away in 10 years. It has gotten progressively. I have a fabulous pain management physician who has given me quality of life. You will come out of treatment a different version of yourself. I am so greatful to be alive the neuropathy is a small price for beating cancer. Now I help others through their journey by volunteering at American Cancer Society Facilities such as Hope Lodge.
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9 ReactionsThis is so good to see!!!!