Emotional health after cancer: How are you doing really?

I wish you all the best. Thanks for reaching out to me. 💕💕💕

I too know the anxiety of the future after cancer.
Rare tumor of the brain, craniotomy on Feb 28,
Just finished 6 weeks of daily radiation.
MRI next week to see if small piece of tumor is gone.
Every ache and pain scares me. Walking and Yoga are my go to supports.
I believe God is in control.

Thank you for sharing this, I think it will be very helpful in many situations. “Do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged?”

Thank you for this. Your words so meaningful. Stay well.💕

I am still waiting for a complete picture of my cancer. More tests scheduled. The anxiety is overwhelming and I so appreciated your words. Just started meditation with an online 5 minute deep breathing session. It's something else to try and occupy your mind even for those few minutes. We work so hard keeping our minds in a positive place during these times. Wish you all the best in your recovery.💕💕

I know exactly how you are feeling & your anxiety. It's been 30yrs since I faced the biggest hurdle I have had to deal with. Unless you have had cancer no one fully understands the inner trauma that comes with it. I still have PTSD. Every twinge or pain I immediately think...has it come back? I have ongoing quite serious side affects from the radiation I received. Day to day is a real bloody struggle, but life does goes on & we as survivors must look at it. We are still here on Earth even though we may still go through hell & back sometimes. Stay positive & don't let the no hugs or comments from people put you in a sad place. They just simply DONT understand. Not their fault. I think it frightens them to talk about that word! On a lighter note, all the very best for your future & when you think you can't get through it, maybe give this conversation a thought....we are STILL here. Regards Donna from Queensland Australia

Early on I found out there is a huge difference between cancer treatment and cancer care. My team at Mayo Clinic is a care team. Yes, I get the treatment but that's just expected. I spend my day there with people who have come to know me, who care about me, who know all the non-medical details of my life. I routinely spend an hour of each appointment with my oncologist talking about life and maybe five minutes of that is about my Stage IV NSCLC. We will get three or four chemo nurses at a time in the treatment room carrying on a dozen conversations. At one appointment another patient passed by in the corridor outside my room and said "I want to be in here next time." My treatment at Mayo has been anything but routine.

@bpknitter53 It’s so true. Self-care comes in so many ways and there are days that one thing works and another day that doesn’t work as well. I agree that getting suggestions from others is helpful and increases the possibility that we will find something for ourselves.

We’ve adopted a new strategy I read about recently in The NY Times. At least I have. When I intuit that my partner needs support (no surprise that I might be better at this than he is!) I can say “Do you want to be helped, heard or hugged?”. I told him about this and he liked the idea. Let’s see if we can use it in actual practice.

@naturegirl5 - thank you for your kind words. I forget that I find a calm in just walking and listening to music - some makes me smile - other songs make me feel it's OK to cry (not sure why I feel that makes it OK to cry, but somehow it does). I need to do that more often when the emotions get overwhelming. Learning what self-care looks like gets challenging and finding what fits the moment can be trial and error - but the more suggestions we get from others the greater our chances of something that works for us for that instance.

@bpknitter53. I hear you! While I’m not taking care of an older parent (both died well before my cancer diagnosis) the emotional aftermath has been a rollercoaster. My initial diagnosis of endometrial cancer was in 2019 right after I retired. Good timing, right? Fortunately it was caught early and it was staged 1a following a hysterectomy. During a cancer surveillance follow-up in late 2021 a little polyp-like growth was found on the vaginal cuff. The polyp was sent to pathology and it was a recurrence. Within a few weeks I started radiation therapy and had to live away from home for 6 weeks.

My partner believes he provides emotional support because he goes with me to all my appointments at Mayo Clinic which is 450 miles away. I certainly appreciate that. Like your husband, I do need to tell him when I need support like a hug. It’s very difficult for me to ask for emotional support. I don’t expect him to “know” but it’s still hard.

I wasn’t depressed during the radiation therapy or afterwards. But like I have periods of time when I feel very anxious and well, stressed. I lose focus and need to remind myself with a hand over my heart (that’s how I bring self-compassion to myself) that it’s OK if I’m not busy and productive every waking moment. It’s OK to have an off day.

Some of us will continue to re-visit our diagnoses and experiences and wonder, what’s next? Others I know who have had more advanced or agressive cancers are able to let all that go and live their lives with grace.

This post is all over the place and I hope you can figure out what I’m trying to communicate. Life is a blessing and living with cancer is also a blessing because we are alive. Can we remind ourselves of the beauty of nature (that’s where I get the most solace) and live a day at a time? And give ourselves the grace to make mistakes with that?