Dilemma: How aggressively to treat my 86yo mom w/ dementia for OP?

Posted by annie208 @annie208, Aug 27, 2025

My mom is 86 and fairly physically fit (walks 3/4 mile 2-4 times a week and her only rx medication is a memory pill called Memantine). She has early to mid stage 6 Alzheimer's but/and she is very happy and enjoys her life.

Her advanced directive (from 10 years ago) is to welcome natural death if/when she is bed-bound or so confused that she doesn't know us and is agitated, etc. She actually dictated into a recording to slow down on accepting antibiotics for infections when she's close to that stage because she does not want to spend years in Stage 7 Alzheimers where she'll be bed-bound and nonverbal and 100% incontinent. She was very thorough, but didn't mention OP treatment. She said to be aware of natural "off-ramps" when she gets to that stage. Thankfully we are not there yet -- she enjoys her life in the moment (though she doesn't remember what she's just enjoyed 5 minutes ago), so I want to help her continue the highest QOL possible.

Her former doctor discovered OP when she was 65 and she had 2-3 reclast infusions 11-14 years ago. I pushed for a DEXA from her newer doctor recently and her numbers have slipped again. Her osteoporosis presents like mine where her hips are her issue rather than spine (-3.6 total hip, -2.7 femoral neck, -1.5 spine).

I accepted a referral to take her to the local hospital infusion center for Reclast soon, but NOW I've learned several of her teeth are loose. I realize that I need to cancel her Reclast appointment and do some research on her behalf because of the contraindications of bisphosphonates for someone with dental issues (I am medical POA and DPOA). I think her doctor will say that her teeth are more important than treating an increasingly house-bound person for OP, but maybe I need to sharpen my Prior Authorization pencil and get her approved for one of the anabolics (?) Or maybe, given her age and prognosis, she is a rare candidate for Prolia...

TLDR: 86 year old mother with Stage 6 Alzheimer's has been rx'd Reclast for her recurred osteoporosis of hip. But I've just been told she has several loose teeth. Her advanced directive is to "DNR and welcome natural death" when she no longer enjoys her life (but she currently does!). Should I get busy and jump through the hoops to get her an rx for Prolia or one of the anabolics? Should I take her for Reclast and risk her loosing teeth (she's already struggling to keep weight on). Her doctor is very hands-off. I think he thinks I should not worry about her OP (or much of anything, for that matter), but he's usually amenable to anything I want to advocate for. Hellllp....

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If that were my mom, I would not have her take any OP drugs out there. She's 86 and has lived a good life and now she already is dealing ( as well as you) the effects of Alzheimers disease. That disease is enough to deal with let alone all the tests, drugs for osteoporosis with potential unpleasant side effects. Keep her comfortable. The end stage of Alzheimers is horrible. Of course, this is my opinion.

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I'm not referring to my mom here. It appears that I have. My mom passed at age 94. Her new pcp wanted her to go for a dexa scan at 94 ( a few months before she became ill). We decided not to have one at age 94? Really? If your mom is doing ok and is comfortable, and she is 86, she's lived a full life and to be thankful for that. You don't wanna give her drugs and tests to complicate her life as it is. Leave well enough alone is my opinion.

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So you have power of attorney over your Mom’s medical care? Since this treatment is considered standard of care especially since she’s had prior fracture it’s medically indicated. It’s not prolonging her life but helping her maintain her activity. If she fell again and caused a fracture you’ve got a whole kettle of stuff added to onto your shoulders.

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Your heart for your Mom’s best interests is beautiful. I cared for my Mom who had severe osteoporosis and multiple vertebral fractures, but refused meds or exercise, and for my Dad who had dementia but was strong and fit. He fell many times in the last four months of his life, but never broke a bone. So I see both sides. A fall and a fracture may have drastic implications for her care. My instinct says to try the meds, but deal with her teeth first. Blessings to you and your Mom, and peace. You are doing the very best you can.

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