Depression and anxiety

As a parent I know I would take my children’s place in hell if that is what they needed. As an adult who has had a lot of therapy I know that sometimes what I have needed is space and time to work through my emotions.

I can not tell you what to do. All I can offer is that during my time in therapy I needed distance from my family. My therapist told me “if you have nothing nice to say say nothing at all”. I didn’t talk much for a while.

Genuine love is felt even in silence.

@coloradobigmama One of my friends once told me "You are only as happy as your unhappiest child". I believe that is true for parents and your post says just that. You'd like to help your adult daughter through the depression. When I was depressed in my mid-20's (I'm 71 years old now) my mother did not ask me how I felt or what was going on. She stood by me, did not ask me to feel any other way, fed me, took me places, and sat with me. She found a therapist for me because I couldn't do that myself at the time. I felt supported and loved. I had to find my way own way out of my darkness and I did when I made changes in my life that I needed to make. In retrospect, I wish my mother had the opportunity to get therapy for herself as she had plenty of her own childhood pain and marital woes to deal with.

Have you thought about talking with a therapist yourself? A mental health therapist will listen to you and help you figure out how you can support your daughter while taking care of yourself. I've found that the best way a caregiver or parent can help a family member is to first take care of themselves.

Are you seeing a mental health therapist? If not, will you think about whether you'd like to do that?

Sometimes, as much as we love our children, we have to learn to perhaps be the voice of silence. We have to wish them peace for their sake. If she has a therapist who is good, that therapist is who might be the one to help her with coping skills for her anxiety and depression. Let her come to you if she needs to share what is wrong. Sometimes, the solution is to let go of the pressure cooker of emotion welling up. Sometimes, crying is a way to release emotions so that a solution can be realized. At 47, she had indeed survived other moments and instances just as you describe. Perhaps now, be the mother who sends forth to her courage, strength, and the answers she needs instead of being the kind of mother whose job may no longer be to hover and heal her daughter. She will always have anxiety and depression and there will be a time she will have to find her own remedy to deal with both on her own.

All I can tell you is don't get angry with her. I know it's hard and frustrating, but that will drive her away. My mother doesn't understand my illness and will get angry sometimes and it really bothers me. I know there is fear behind that anger and she feels helpless to make me better. "Feelings" were not a thing in my family. If I ever told her I wasn't feeling well mentally, she would say "Why would you feel like that?! There is absolutely no reason you should feel that way!" and that was the end of it. Just try to be patient. I know it's easier said than done. So often now, I have feelings that are so awful and I can't explain them. She is probably crying out of frustration because she is overwhelmed and doesn't know how to explain it or what she needs. Mental illness is something right out of hell.