Depression after Divorce

@momof2sons Please give yourself some time with the therapist and psychiatrist. They will help guide you through this period. It took a long-term marriage and a divorce to get to the point where you are now. That, in my humble opinion, will not be changed up in only 2 weeks!

Please be gentle on yourself. We often define ourselves and label ourselves as "So-and-so's wife or mother", rather than acknowledging ourselves as their own person. It takes time and courage to finally tell others [and that comes after telling yourself!] "I am an artist/nurse/gardener/retired" or whatever fits that blank!

How would you introduce yourself to yourself, today?
Ginger

I'm sorry you're experiencing this.
Loss of a long term relationship is a grieving process that takes a lot of time.
And while I am not a professional therapist, here's something I use when I'm feeling depressed (from my YouTube channel):
https://m.youtube.com/watch

I was very depressed and had many conflicting feelings after my separation/divorce. I actually saw my therapist 3x week for a while, no shame in that. I also saw my PCP regularly, I think a resource that’s not often enough taken advantage of. It took me 5 years to feel like myself (or a different, but more than acceptable version of myself) again, so hang in there, one day at a time.

@momof2sons
Sorry to hear of your suffering. I can relate with deep depression and glad you are seeing a psychiatrist for medication support and getting therapy.

It is hard to go through divorce because it is a type of “death” end of a relationship which affects all aspects of your life. It is harder if you still have feelings for your ex. Did they ask for the divorce, did you, or was it mutual?

You do need to redefine and rediscover yourself as an individual with your own likes/dislikes, hobbies/activities, friends, family, etc. The holidays will be hard so make sure you have good support through this time and take good care of yourself. Start taking better care of your health, exercise, nutrition, sleep, etc.

How old are your sons? How are they handling the change in the family?

I have been through 2 divorces and both I had wanted but doesn’t mean it was easy going through. I have one teen son from my second marriage and his sole provider plus I am permanently disabled. This makes each day a huge challenge so I take just one day at a time and do what I can.

I take medication which helps some and trying to eat better, lose weight, get physical therapy, etc. I need to hire more help to do things around the house that I can’t do anymore and can’t really rely on my son to do on a consistent basis.

Do you have a supportive group of friends and family? Do you work?

Have you gone through perimenopause and menopause? The hormone change makes depression even worse. Have you had your hormones tested and are you getting hormone replacement therapy?

@dlydailyhope
Hi. Thank you for your kind words. My ex asked for the divorce. My sons are 47 and 24. Huge difference. The 47 year old is from my first marriage. I do have my family and I work. My work keeps me busy.

@momof2sons
I was divorced after 16 years of marriage. The divorce happened over 20 years ago and while I know I have moved on I still think about the marriage and my ex. We did not have children so after the divorce was final there was no reason to continue to stay in contact. Fortunately, at the time of the divorce I had a good job and income. My current husband had also been married for 16 years before his divorce. He has 3 adult children and one of the child is special needs and cannot live or function on his own. The continued contact with his ex-wife as concerns their son brings continual angst to us.

Your divorce is relatively recent. Please be kind to yourself and remind yourself that you doing everything possible to establish your new sense of identity. You can also ask yourself this. Look back over the past year and even before the divorce was final and reflect on how far you've already come. Are you feeling any better today than earlier this year? What have you done for yourself since March, 2025 that is already helping? This is something to talk with your therapist about.

1) History of depression.
This is your known.
Youve been thru this before. Think back on what helped soothe you. What helped you become productive? Who helped you before by understanding your pain and encouraging you to take one day at a time?g
Youve raised 2 boys to adulthood. Your depression didnt get in the way of this. Applaud your success asa mother. You deserve it!

S2) You still love him. Of course you do! Youve had 33 years Invested in him.
Still loving him can be a good thing.
Loving yourself Through him is problematic.
Why?
Because it puts you in a dependency position to value yourself only against his benchmark and not your own. Think on this.
Do you believe you are worthy of being loved?

3) Take yourself right where you are, depression and all.
Own it. Its real. It crushes the heart. Tomorrow can be too long coming.
But…..
YOU need to put a price tag on yourself. Not your husband, child, boss, parents, etc.
You determine Your value.
Are you worth more than wasting away or are you worth more being productive in Spite of your depression?
Are you worth more on your own or do you feel you need somebody to “validate” you?
Is there still love in your heart to give to an elderly person? A lonely person? A child? Or another divorced person?
Im confident you do.
Why?
Because you loved well in spite of your depression. 33 years devoted.
Thats a hallmark!
And now, now, that love needs to be poured into someone or a mission or as a volunteer to serve others.
Other people need you.

This heartbreak will make you or break you.
Whos going to win? You or the enemy, Depression?
Being miserable can be permanent.
Being lonely is temporary.
Treat yourself the way you want to be treated.

3) I dont know who I am any more.
I dont know what Im supposed to be.
My dear, its time fcor you to introduce yourself to your Self.
You are still a mother, but the raising has been done.
You can now enjoy both of your adult children freely.
You are all adults. Have fun With each other. Discover new adventures WITH each other. Encourage them,
Until the day you pass thru this life youre going to discover who you are on your own. And this will be GOOD. Bittersweet at times, Yes.
But thats Temporary.
Youre going to learn so much more about yourself. The good, the bad and the ugly.
And its all redeemable.
Take one step at a time.
You are not alone in this.
God has your Best plan.

Raise your head high, momof2sons because
YOU
Are
PRICELESS!

Are you my angel? That was beautiful and encouraging. Thank you.

When I was divorcing after 16 years of marriage and had small kids, my friend had told me "Happiness Is The Best Revenge." It made me happy to think about and focus on.

Another great advice I was given when I went thru breast cancer was to allow myself 15 minutes every day for my pity party. OMG, that was so freeing. Many of us try so hard to be the stoic. Giving ourselves permission to melt down was fabulous. I often didn't even need 15 minutes but just a moment or two.

@momof2sons
Well momof2sons, you are ready to see each day as a blessing.
“Theres a whole lotta more living to do!”
Think the Best, give God the rest.
Thru whiles and trials, you Will be blessed!”