Dealing with resentments

Posted by aliali @aliali, Thu, Oct 17 11:19am

Here I am seeking help. I am depressed. For religious purposes, I am not allowed to become angry at others etc; I have to be highly polite to them even if they are not so to me.
The question is: what does psychology say about a resentment: should I suppress it or disclose it?
I have tried to disclose it in the past. It was terrible. Now I ignore it and move on. It is highly amazing.
However, on Sunday I had a dispute with someone. I was truly stressed out. What I felt is the desire to revenge all those around who has hurt me in the past! This is the problem with suppression ! It is really terrible once the thing is out of your control!! I hade a stressful week. And I felt the revenge desire again and again. In the past, I used to meditate and ignore the resentments. Once I really rarely become stressed out, I feel the desire to go to that person and open an old dispute to revenge!
So what should I do? What is the psychological perception of this matter? And also do not forget what my religion says about being angry etc. what I am seeking is a comfortable solution both for short term and long term.

im not a psychologist but suppressing any emotion for me is typically bad. emotions are like weather. let it pass thru you and it will lessen. what we resist persists.

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You can not bottle your emotions. In my experience since I got diagnosed w/Chronic Pain, I realized very fast that I couldn't hold in my anxiety & I got very depressed as a result & the more I kept holding my emotions in the worse my depression & anxiety got. I'm an outspoken person nowadays. Don't get me wrong I try very hard not to get overstressed, nut we are human beings & the more you want to hide those emotions nothing good comes out of it. I just scream my head off & my husband knows when to move away from me. It's normal to show emotions, & anger & resentment & joy, love, sadness is what makes us human. Chronic pain has changed everything in my life so I had to change my emotional expressions are my right as a human being in pain who is crying or happy or screaming is what makes me feel a little less stressed out & human.

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It is extremely difficult, in my own opinion, to resolve the issue of finding a comfortable position between one's religious beliefs and the natural feelings we have because we are a human being. We are born with emotions and human emotions include anger and resentment and other negative reactions. I, in my own experience, have learned the hard way that suppressing any strong emotions (which also includes love) is a volcano waiting to erupt sometime, somewhere, usually at the worst time. Anger is inside even the most saintly person. As a human, we can choose HOW to express it in a safe way
And of course we can choose to let it build up and watch how it explodes when your human self ca no longer contain it. Ain't no comfortable position here. You either follow the concrete rules of your religion, or find a safe way to Express anger.

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I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist, pastor or theologian. I am active in my congregation and my denomination. I do not dispute your interpretation of your religious requirement to suppress your feelings, but I am concerned for you and wonder if it would be constructive for you to solicit some pastoral counseling, perhaps from someone outside of your congregation or denomination. Anger, frustration, angst, etc., are fully human emotions, and my belief is to let emotions hold you emotionally hostage is nether healthy nor what G_d intends for us. If you are Christian, or not, I would invite you to read through the Psalms, and note that the writer does indeed manifest his anger and frustration toward G_d, and it is accepted and possibly encouraged. Religion is ideally our “safe place”, a place where inner peace is offered, not a burden to try to endure. Reach out to a faith leader, and spend some time with some one on one counseling. Possibly, that could be one person. I spent a number of years in therapy with a licensed Protestant pastor and therapist. I bid you peace…

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@aliali You present quite a dilemma! It is obvious that you have thought a lot about it all, and how to honor your religious followings. It seems that your faith would not want you to suffer. How about writing down your anger and resentments, getting all the frustration down on paper. Do not title a page, just write. Write a letter to that person, get all your negative emotions out, then burn what you write. Do not keep those words and ideas around to continue to bother you. Release negative emotion as you burn/destroy the writings. Do you think this might work for you? Have you considered going to a spiritual leader in your faith and asking that person what their experience has been with negative emotions, and how to handle them? I hope you will let us know what happens and how it makes you feel!
Ginger

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I agree with Ginger's ideas and other folks who suggest a counselor of some sort. My first thought about the writing down of negative thoughts is a question. "I wonder if the religion allows even writing of anger, etc." I'm taking this very literally … like, if suppressing resentment is not allowed, then maybe even thinking these thoughts is not acceptable. I'm wondering if a follower of this faith is encouraged to not even THINK of these emotions. It would be extraordinarily stressful to try to tell yourself that you don't really feel what your human mind is truly feeling

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Hello @aliali
It has been a few weeks since you last posted. How are you dealing with your feelings about your family and resentments?

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