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Dating and breast cancer: When do you mention I had/have cancer?

Posted by frogjumper @frogjumper, Jun 25, 2023

So now that I am over 2 months post op from my lumpectomy. I am starting to date again. And I wonder when I go on a date should I mention "oh yeah I've had/have cancer"? Is it ethical to tell them on the first date or wait. Anyone else wonder about this or have had experience with it? Thanks for you help 🙂

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Breast Cancer Support Group.

seathink | @seathink | Nov 10, 2023
In reply to @frogjumper "So I asked a few months ago about dating and when to be open to a..." + (show)
@frogjumper

So I asked a few months ago about dating and when to be open to a prospective mate about having/had breast cancer. Well I have to say that some of the responses have been very telling as to whether Mr. Date was fantastic or a total jerk, or simply a moron. From empathy to one man simply poo pooing it saying "it's no big deal every woman has had it", this was news to me I had no idea all women have had it, did you? Well lets just say date #3 will never happen with Dr. Know it All.
To be honest it's actually a great test to decide if a guy is a keeper or not. So far.....not a keeper in the bunch! You would think men in their mid 60's would know how to behave, but astonishingly enough they don't.

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It's tough out there, hugs. I was 38 and married with a new baby and several hospital nurses I knew were amazed that my husband *wasn't* leaving me given the aggressivenes of my BC.

Literally they would hear I had Stage 3 TNBC and a baby and say, "And your husband's still with you?!?" and then they would tell me of the instances they had seen women in similar situations left by their partners.

REPLY
colely | @colely | Nov 10, 2023
In reply to @frogjumper "So I asked a few months ago about dating and when to be open to a..." + (show)
@frogjumper

So I asked a few months ago about dating and when to be open to a prospective mate about having/had breast cancer. Well I have to say that some of the responses have been very telling as to whether Mr. Date was fantastic or a total jerk, or simply a moron. From empathy to one man simply poo pooing it saying "it's no big deal every woman has had it", this was news to me I had no idea all women have had it, did you? Well lets just say date #3 will never happen with Dr. Know it All.
To be honest it's actually a great test to decide if a guy is a keeper or not. So far.....not a keeper in the bunch! You would think men in their mid 60's would know how to behave, but astonishingly enough they don't.

Jump to this post

A husband who would leave his wife, because of breast cancer is a Grade A Jerk. But I wouldn't call a man, who is on a first date with a woman, a jerk, because he doesn't want a second date after learning she is dealing with breast cancer. At 60, he probably has had to deal with the death of parents, siblings, childhood friends, and, perhaps, his wife. He is just having to protect himself. Life isn't a Hallmark movie. It can be very complicated. I wish all of you, who are recovered, and bravely back out in the dating world, a loving person. I don't have the energy, physically or emotionally. I had my love.

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