Children blaming parents

I just responded to another discussion where a parent mentioned that they are estranged from their daughter because of her psychological problems. I decided I would like to share my response with other parents who may be blaming themselves for not being the parent they intended to be, wanted to be. Hopefully, if may touch you. I apologize for it being a "novel"! LOL! 😉
"I am so sorry you are going through all this! Please don't let your daughter cause you to blame yourself for any of her psychological problems. I have always said, to many people, there comes a time in a young adult's life that they must stop blaming their parents and take responsibility for their own problems. I was raised in a completely dysfunctional family, full of stress and lacking in any joy. I was molested as a child. My first suicide attempt was at age 15. Yes, I blamed my parents for the home I grew up in. But, there came a time that I realized I must take responsibility for my reactions to that dysfunction, that continuing to blame my parents did nothing to help me progress in my life with happiness, with joy. As I became an adult and faced my own stresses, traumas, abusive treatment, my eyes were opened to the realities of Life and how it effects the home life. Of a family of four siblings, three of my siblings were alcoholics and two of those were drug addicts. My sister abandoned her small children in her alcoholism. And, my parents were blaming themselves for all of it. I could see and feel the pain. At one point, I took the opportunity to tell them "you did the best you could, with the knowledge you had, in such a stressful life, and you must stop blaming yourself. After my husband died, you took in my daughter and myself and became the best grandparents to my daughter that I could ever have hoped for. You were, through her, the best parents that I could have had, and all of that wiped out any blame, any regrets for me, so STOP!" I am so glad I took that opportunity to tell them that, to try to ease their pain, and to let them know what Life can do to you, and how it can affect your family. I knew that firsthand, by that time. They became not only great parents to me, but my best friends. They loved me completely for who I am, acknowledged every little good thing about me on a regular basis, and I miss them so. To every parent out there who is suffering pain from blaming yourself, or is experiencing estranged relationships with your children as adults [me, too!], remember, YOU DID THE BEST YOU COULD, WITH THE KNOWLEDGE YOU HAD, IN STRESSFUL AND PAINFUL TIMES. I know, from my own experience, I did not INTENTIONALLY ever do anything to hurt my daughter, to make her life more difficult. But, LIFE HAPPENS. I am certainly sorry for anything I have done or said to make her life more difficult, but will she ever really see what I was going through when I was trying to be a parent to her? It is no excuse, it is just a reality. She was my whole life after her father died, when she was just a baby, and she still is. I just, plain and simple, made some mistakes. Obviously, she wants to punish me for one of [don't have any idea which mistake], or all of those mistkes, for that for the rest of my life. She is now causing me the most pain I have ever had in my life, and I have had a lot, just like you, but I cannot change anything, and I certainly cannot ask and get any forgiveness for what I have done that makes her so angry, when she refuses to tell me the things she is so angry about. So, people tell me I need to let go, to back away from her, from the pain she inflicts. That is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do, but I am trying. But, I know in my heart that I tried very hard to be the best parent I could be, and what else could I do, if I was trying my hardest? Forgive my rambling and making this "all about ME", but I guess it touched on a very painful nerve. I stand by what I have said."