Caring for my father

@jackibrunner Wow, you really have your hands full. I hope someone here can help you find resources.

Unfortunately, Medicare only covers a little post-hospitalization rehab assistance, not on-going care where no significant improvement is anticipated. But, if your Dad happens to have kidney disease (medically referred to as end-stage renal failure) there may be additional resources available.

Is your Dad by any chance a military or national guard veteran? If so, there are specific benefits available depending upon when he served.

If Dad has low or moderate income (your income doesn't count, except toward household expenses) he may be eligible for Medical Assistance, sometimes called Medicaid. Since you shared your location, I looked this up - it might be a good place to start:
https://www.dhs.wisconsin.gov/adrc/consumer/eauclaire.htm
Do you think your brother might be willing to help you get hooked up with some resources? Or is Dad capable of making some calls, filling out forms (with or without help), etc?

I remember the days of caring for my Mom, and I had my sister completely sharing the duties, so I understand how exhausted you must feel.
Sue

@jackibrunner
I understand caregiver stress and it does sound like you have a lot on your plate. You definitely need to take care of you as caregiver and not neglect your needs (put your oxygen mask on before helping others). Be careful to not let yourself get burned out and ask your brother (and his family if he has one of his own) and extended family/friends/church for help and do not be afraid to do so. Many want to help but need to know what you need specifically and when. If they can’t, they’ll say no and that’s okay but don’t be afraid to ask. The help is not just for your dad, it is for you. Here is some information about caregiver stress/burnout.

1.
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9225-caregiver-burnout
2.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/caregiver-stress/art-20044784
3.
https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/life-balance/info-2019/caregiver-stress-burnout.html
4.
https://www.healthline.com/health/health-caregiver-burnout
What conditions does your father have? How old is he and how old are you? Are his conditions chronic/permanent disabilities or will he recover some functioning?

You may want to reach out to his doctors/nurses/medical offices for contacts to social workers/senior centers where they can help give you options for services/resources to support caring for him (meals/transportation/in home care, etc.). Have you called Medicare/supplement insurance to see what in home care is available and covered? I agree with Sue that your dad may qualify for SSI based on income which would give your more to work with for in home care. There is also sites like Care.com where you can find people to help you and your dad.

Where you work, do you have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) that would provide you with resources/referrals as well as counseling sessions to support you? Does your father have any coverage for behavioral health to support him? I know caregiver stress and chronic illness can cause depression which makes everything harder to manage.

I’m glad you reached out to ask others for help/ideas. Keep doing that. Prayer is also something you can ask others to do for you and your dad. I’ll pray for you that you find the help you need. 🙏

i was in the same position as you, except i did not go to school, however, i did everything else= but it's all over now (ended 20 years ago when my father rip passed away)......all i can do for you is give you some strong and serious advice.....please ease your load in any way you can because i ended up with fibromyalgia and everything else it brought with it = it actually has caused me to become incapable of walking or standing for more than half an hour.....i am in bed 23 hours per day with exception of 1 hour for restroom time and a bit of washing up..........i am begging you to please take care of yourself first!!!! if you don't you won't even be well enough to take care of your father.......and you might be like me suffering the rest of my life for taking care of my father, my job (i had to leave my job) and my household.........don't give up your life ,,,,,take care of yourself and you will be better for yourself and your father.............i would not wish for anyone to be in the physical condition i am in and i only took care of my father for four months and it took my life because i did too much! God bless you....i will put you on my prayer list.

Thank you for this comment!
I saw the title of your comment and immediately identified with what you described. Caregiver stress is NOT to be ignored. It affects us in subtle and not so subtle ways. You are juggling a lot of balls - my stomach tenses as I read this too.
I am estranged from my older daughter and younger brother / try and tap you brother - be frank, what you are doing is so necessary / demanding / exhausting / some personalities lend to caregiving better than others. You sound exaordinary but be careful - be sure to take advance of any services that your state and county may provide. You will be in my heart and prayers -

@jackibrunner

A good place for information available for your area is your local council on aging. It probably has another title where you are. They can direct you to resources available to help you. If eligible your dad may be able to get meals delivered through them. Also check with your dad’s supplemental insurance to see how they can help. They may help more than you think they can.

Also you may need legal papers to take care of your dad. Durable Power of Attorney. His finances … you need to have your name on his bank account. Durable Medical Power of Attorney. You need to sign a paper at his doctors offices and hopitals/clinics denoting they can talk to you about your dad's health and make health decisions. I think there are other forms. You will probably have to get a letter from a doctor saying your dad has dementia or mental disability. Getting your dad to a doctor with you there might be difficult.

I took care of my mama's health and my oldest brother did the rest. My husband helped me to physically help my mama and he also talked to her supplemental isurance representative .. mama was able to tell them that they could talk to us both. I believe they sent us the form to make it permanent. Hard to remember back to 2018. Mama's dementia was caused by strokes. Before she died we went ahead and made funeral arrangements so when the time came life would be less stressful for us. So glad we did that. We have made our arrangements so our children don't have that on them.

We have raised chickens .. a learning experience for us and our children. It is a lot of work. You might need to downsize the flock or sell them. We had one hen that was a favorite. Snubby Nose .. because for some reason she was missing part of her upper beak when we got her. She could eat just fine. She was the head hen in the pecking order and kept all the hens under her control. She would peck our children's toes. Hard to get our children to wear shoes. I got them to wear their flip flops in the pen area. .. better than no shoes. 😁 We got tranferred (Army) and had to sell .. hard to do after 5 years.

ZeeGee

If he is eligible for Medicaid there may be a program in your state that will help pay for some caregiving. Under that program he may be able to hire you.

My medicate supplement paid for a medical devise I wear that enables me to call 911 if I have a fall.