Caregiver Issues

Hi,
I'm so sorry that your husband has lung cancer and that you are also having such a hard time caring for him. My husband had lung cancer also and sometimes he was difficult to care for. Your husband is frightened due to his cancer. I know my husband was too. Men often don't like to admit that they are scared so they react in other ways; sometimes not such pleasant ones. It's hard but hold your anger back. He's dealing with enough problems right now. You are the best care giver for your husband! You are his wife who loves him and married him. Show your husband how much you love him. Tell him that often. I know I did with my husband and it helped a lot. I'm so glad I told him often how much I loved him because he died in 2024 and I can't tell him that now.
Another thing that helps immensely is to take all your problems to God. Just talk to him like he's your best friend and he is. God knows what you are both going through and he'll be there for you. My husband and I prayed together everyday and also read the Bible together. It helped us to get through an awful time!
I will say a prayer for both of you. I wish you both the best.
PML

@pml
Thank you much for the kind and helpful words.
I am so sorry about your husband and for your loss.
I am going to try my hardest to be calmer.
He does know I love him and, we say it to each other often.
He also thanks me and is grateful for me being there for him.
We are both so scared , his diagnosis is very new so, we are trying to get on the same page.

@sipka
I'm glad I could help a little. I'm also glad that you both tell each other that you love each other! Plus your husband is so grateful for you. That's a good start!

This is a scary time for you but there are some things you can do to alleviate some of the scariness. Research all the side effects of any medications your husband is taking and any treatments they are recommending. I did that for my husband and it made things a lot more clearer. You can do that research on the Mayo Clinic website. It's a very trustworthy site. You will get correct information there. If you have concerns with what you find in your research share it with your husband's doctor.

My husband reacted badly to many of the treatments they gave him; Chemotherapy, Keytruda etc. He finally refused any and all treatments. He lived 14 years with lung cancer. This doesn't mean those treatments aren't good for people. For many they are very good. But they weren't for my husband. We did encounter a doctor who was very upset because my husband wouldn't get anymore Keytruda treatments. I think the doctor was mainly concerned over losing the $25,000 per infusion. My husband was receiving two infusions a month with very bad side effects. Regardless, we found another cancer doctor.

One thing to keep in mind is that it is your husband's body and his money. He can make the decision as to what is done to his body and what his money will be spent on. The doctors are wonderful and very dedicated but it's not their final decision. It's important to take their advice. They know what they are doing. But if it reacts badly for your husband or he doesn't feel right about it, it's entirely his decision what to do. Sometimes we get overwhelmed by the experts.
If you need to talk, I'm here. I have a lot of time these days. Besides going through lung cancer with my husband I also took care of my Mom for 10 years when she had pulmonary emphysema, oxygen 24 hours a day, arteriosclorosis and three bleeding ulcers. Mom died in 1991. So, I have some understanding of the procedures you and your husband may be going through. Possibly I can be of some help to you.
I'll remember you both in my prayers.
PML