Best friend/longtime crush problems

I’ve known this boy for quite some time now, but we’ve been very close for some years now. I would consider him to be my bestest friend. I tell him everything, he tells me everything. At some point, I found myself gaining a crush on him but I hid it because I didn’t want to risk things. Long story short, we had a conversation and he told me he knew and I was his type but the situation wasn’t ideal for the either of us at the moment for many reasons but i respected them because I also felt the same and didn’t want to disrespect his boundaries. Eventually after that, I tried to
dim my feelings, but it just grew more and more the more we got to know each other talked. It really seemed like we would flirt with each other from time to time and I would say our dynamic is kind of intimate because we’re both pretty passionate individuals. Things could never really venture out because there was always something blocking the way of anything ever happening. I never really wanted to assume anything because I didn’t necessarily believe he even liked me until one day, he started calling me sweet names and started being much vulnerable to me than what he usually was. I had my suspicions he liked me as well for the longest time and I still do but I didn’t want to say anything because again I didn’t want to ruin the friendship and I didn’t want to be wrong about him liking me. Eventually, he told me he did like me months after he started acting like that and told me that if the circumstances we both were going through were different then he would pursue. Which the first part threw me off because I wasn’t expecting that but i understood the rest as we’re both in school are dealing with a heavy mental load and personal issues. I have my own issues going on that involved me getting into therapy because of how bad things were. So even if we were to pursue each other right now, it wouldn’t be ideally healthy.

Recently, we’ve been having some issues just in general and in regards to said feelings I have for him and I expressed myself very intensely and I began to get frustrated and went off on him kind of which I regret and was also part of my reasoning of getting back into therapy as I’m dealing with a lot of repressed anger from other factors in my life (depression/stress). We’ve talked a few times about it with each other and expressed how it made the other feel and made the executive decision to take space from each other right now. Which i understand.

But, I really miss my best friend. I feel like my feelings have ruined the relationship and our dynamic and I wish i never said anything that day I yelled at him. I love him very dearly, more than my heart could ever express and i just want things to go back to normal but i understand the reasoning as to why things can’t. I just really miss him and needed someone to vent to . I’ve gotten better and so has he, but we’re still not in the greatest place right now together.