Being Bipolar and in a relationship

@jonsi I have bi-polar 2 so depression is the main problem for me. It’s hard on others for sure. I know my children didn’t get my full attention, but I did the best I could.
I’m sure your partner understands your pain. Partnership is always give and take.
Blessings on both of you.

I don't have any advise for you, but I just wanted you to know that my ❤️goes out to you!!
P

Hi @jonsi, welcome. I'm tagging a few members like @bpforlife @dfb @507 @sally12345 @moustaphagueye as well as @SusanEllen66 who may have some insights to share about managing relationships with bipolar.

Relationships may be more challenging when one partner has bipolar disorder, but they’re not impossible. I'm glad to hear that you are receiving effective treatment and you're sticking to it. That's a really important first step to your interpersonal relationships.

Are you and your partner able to talk openly after delusions pass and when neither of you are feeling irritable and distant?

I was very fortunate because my husband was extremely patient. However, I was misdiagnosed, on the wrong meds and had many episodes over the years. Over time, he figured out how to respond, keep me safe, and most importantly, not allow me to ruin our relationship. He was a military policeman and hence, had some training.
He would take my keys so I would not jump in my car and drive 95 mph until I crashed. He would take away my meds so I would not OD and he would make me stay in our room so I would not run into the kitchen and grab a knife, etc. He would go to a nearby room, so he did not have to listen to me, but could keep an eye on the door and would check on me every 20 minutes or so, often asking in a calm voice, "Are you done yet?" You can only yell at a wall for so long. Eventually, I would be exhausted and go to sleep. Remember, I did not have the correct diagnosis or treatment.

My husband would never yell at me or call me names, no matter how much I screamed or bated him. He also would stop me from saying hurtful things to him. He would encourage me to sleep when I was manic and up all night. It was frustrating at first, but over time I began to appreciate how he never said anything hurtful to me. He understood that I could not help it, but would still lessen the damage by not allowing me to scream at him.

I was devastated to lose him suddenly to a heart attack. After that, I spiraled out of control until receiving a correct diagnosis and the correct meds. I think that is quintessential. I would not be here now without that and an excellent therapist. I often wish that I had had this when he was still alive as it would have made life much easier for us both. My relationship thrived due to who he was and inspite of me. My best relationship advice is to have a good psychiatrist willing to adjust meds until they work. Have a good therapist and work on yourself unceasingly. It will help keep you become stable, lesson the episodes and will be a great relief to your partner. How do I know?

For me, this greatly improved my relationship with my daughter. We were always close, but my behavior became very erratic after my husband passed. She literally begged me to get help. I did, but it still took quite some time to stabilize. We are very close now. Be patient with yourself and your spouse/significant other. Being bipolar is especially taxing on relationships, but it is possible to maintain good ones.

My adult daughter is bipolar and leans towards mania as well. After injuring her back and being on a bunch of narcotics she had a full psychotic break last year. I can tell you after getting off of the wrong antidepressant (Effexor ER), she is now taking 100 mg of Lamotrigine and 1.5 mg of Vraylar every other day and she’s the best she’s been for along time.

It’s a lifetime of management. She feels her best when she’s working out at least 5 days a week, going to bed early (sleep is the key!) and she doesn’t drink alcohol. She only works part time hours (32). She has a great relationship and her fiancé is loving, caring and very balanced. She has agreed she will always listen and obey him if he tells her she’s not ok. They love each other. He has gone to therapy with her. He makes sure she takes her meds nightly. Managing yourself and your sleep can really help aid your healthy living with a partner but you need to live a healthy lifestyle each and every day! Relationships are possible!

Hi, my relationship is with my son. When's has calmed himself he is very sorry for anything he has done of said. But it's hard for me , I feel I should have done more to help him as a child. I feel I failed him sometimes. Which I'm m sure stresses the relationship as well. We can talk openly at times tho.

@sally12345, I bet you cherish those moments that you can talk openly.

I know you know this, but it bears repeating. Your son has a condition. His condition was not caused by you failing him. I know it can feel that way. As moms, we tend to blame ourselves. Are we perfect? Heck no. But our children being diagnosed with a brain tumor, asthma, bipolar or _______ is not a parental failure. ((hugs))

In reply, Thank you. Yes, I do feel like I have failed my children. My sons have inherited conditions ...it makes me so sad sometimes. I watch them everyday as some are progressive . But mental illness is hard,,,,,

I'm glad she is doing well now and that her husband is so supportive. I was on Effexor too and before that Zoloft, Lexapro and other antidepressants. The SSRI's are so dangerous for Bipolar patients since they can cause mania. My psychiatrist keeps telling me, "Sleep is medicine!" I have yet to figure out how to regulate my sleep.

I would focus less on mistakes in the past and more on the present and being supportive now. I find that many people do not understand what it is like to be Bipolar. Just the fact that he apologizes means he regrets his behavior. I know what that feels like. We often feel embarrased and ashamed after an episode. To have someone be supportive, nonjudgemental and know what to say and how to help is such a gift.